Random Thoughts
1. The Herald: The Patriots are going to have to deal with yet another significant injury to a key player, as linebacker Adalius Thomas has a broken arm, according to sources... It’s not clear how long the injury will keep Thomas out of the lineup. ESPN.com reported that Thomas had a broken left forearm and was likely done for the year. Several other reports said he had a broken right arm and would be having surgery sometime this week.
Nothing is official yet. But based on how the rest of 2008 has gone for the Pats, is there anyone among us ready to assume anything less than the worst and that Thomas is done for the season? The Patriots were already the runaway choice for the uncoveted title of The NFL's Most Injured Team before Thomas went down. They've lost the league MVP, their defensive captain/spirtual leader, their top running back, their second running back, their third running back and as much as 40% of their offensive line. Since Thomas has been arguably (along with probably Ty Warren and Richard Seymour) their best defensive player this year, why would Cruel Fate not mock us by taking him off the board too?
But at the same time, saying the loss of Thomas will kill the Patriots chances is tantamount to admitting you quit watching this team the second Brady went down. Let other, lesser teams with mere mortals as coaches like Seattle, Dallas and Indy whine about injuries and use them as excuse. Bill Belichick will find a way. He'll plug Pierre Woods in at OLB, switch to the 4-3, activate Vince Redd off the practice squad and he'll contribute like his fellow undrafted rookies Gary Guyton and BenJarvus Green-Ellis. He'll re-sign a fully rested Rosie Colvin. He'll blow a conch shell which will cause Junior Seau to jump off his surfboard and report for duty. But he WILL solve this problem, I promise you. There's a scene in "Apollo 13" when the astronauts who have had to overcome an onboard explosion, a lack of oxygen, dead fuel cells and have had to fly the spacecraft backwards, learn that there's a typhoon warning in the area where they need to land. When the meteorologist tells Ed Harris "It could miss them," he says "Only if their luck changes." But he also says that not only is the mission not a failure, on the contrary it's been NASA's finest hour. With the Patriots luck apparently not about to change, with the injury "bug" developing into a full blown epidemic and them still in first place in a position to put some distance between them and the rest of the division in the next two weeks, we're witnessing Belichick's finest hour.
2. FAIRBANKS, Alaska — A North Pole man was surprised when police accused him of stealing a car from a gentlemen's club in Fairbanks. The man, 27, explained to officers that he was in his Chevy Cavalier. The only problem, police said, was that he was behind the wheel of a Ford Escort. Police charged the man with auto theft, felony driving under the influence and misdemeanor drugs misconduct. Police said his blood-alcohol content was .166, more than twice the legal limit. According to court documents, the man swore he had no memory of taking a vehicle that didn't belong to him.
Wait a minute, wait a minute... anybody who knows anything about cars knows you can’t tell the difference between a Ford Escort and a Chevy Cavalier. It’s impossible. I mean unless you look at the name of the car, which in all likelihood is covered with dirt and rust. So it's an honest mistake. I had a similar yet much cooler Ford Tempo so I never really had this kind of problem. The Tempo was unique in its design and craftsmanship, until it was discontinued in the mid 90’s. Anyway I’m still giving this guy the benefit of the doubt. It was the parking lot of a strip club in the North Pole! Anything can happen under those circumstances. Whatever the case, I think it was Santa who once said, “Never drive drunk with a hard-on."
3. HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) -- Under the watchful eye of law enforcement in 40 states, Craigslist pledged Thursday to crack down on ads for prostitution on its Web sites. As part of Craigslist's agreement with attorneys general around the country, anyone who posts an "erotic services" ad will be required to provide a working phone number and pay a fee with a valid credit card. The Web site will provide that information to law enforcement if subpoenaed. Craigslist has also agreed to sue 14 software and Internet companies that help people who post erotic service ads to circumvent the Web site's defenses against inappropriate content and illegal activity.
Well first they take away my right to waste away meaninglessly at a dog track, now I can’t even get a hooker online. I mean the Craigslist Founding Fathers would be rolling in their graves if they saw this. From what I learned in school, the whole reason for starting Craigslist was so that people didn’t have to roam the seedy streets at night whistling the saxophone intro to “You Belong to the City” and searching for a prostitute, any prostitute who would bang them. Instead it was just a small prayer and a click of a mouse away. This is just another blow (no pun intended) to the degenerate community. Once again, like the dog track issue, they were just too lazy to speak up, when no one would speak up for them.
4. RAMSEY, Minn. (AP) _ When their children returned from Halloween trick-or-treating, a couple found suspected methamphetamine and $85 in cash among their 7-year-old son's Snickers bars and Skittles. Lars and Shelly Brosdahl called police, who confirmed that the substance was methamphetamine, worth up to $200 on the street. Someone who looked like a teenager dropped something into their son's bag as he went trick-or-treating with his 9-year-old sister on Halloween night, the Brosdahls say... "The (kids) could have OD'd on it. That's what makes me so shaky and upset," Shelly Brosdahl said.
Lord, I have had it up to here with the over protective parents worrying the fun right out of Halloween. "Stay with your father and me. Wear a glow stick. Cover your costume in reflective tape. No candy out of bags. People put razor blades in apples. You can't eat any until we've inspected it. My kid got crystal meth in his bag so I'm shaky and upset..." What a nation of wussies we're raising. What's the point of even having Halloween if you're going to be so uptight about it? You're not celebrating the holiday, you're just observing. Might as well stay home. Maybe I'm just old, but when I was a kid, my parents didn't hover over me all night. And if I got a bag of methamphetamines with a street value of over 200 bucks and $85 in cash, well we considered ourselves lucky. We were raised to be grateful to what we had, and we sure turned out OK.
5. NEWTON (WBZ) ― A man is accused of stealing a diamond ring worth over $100,000 from a jewelry store in the Chestnut Hill Mall earlier this week. According to police, the suspect entered the Shreve Crump & Low on Sunday and asked to see a diamond ring. When the clerk handed the ring over, the man ran out of the store and into the mall parking lot where he drove off in a green Jeep. The ring, police said, is valued at $110,000.
That’s it? That’s all you got to do to rob a jewelry store nowadays? No digging tunnels into the safe? No guns? No taking hostages? You just walk in and ask to look at a 100K ring and then book it out of there? That seems pretty fucking simple. I mean here I am like an idiot trying to grind away with this dumb ass blog and I could be knocking off jewelry stores like it’s going out of style. Because I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I’m pretty sure even I could pull off the old “Can I look at that ring and run” move. I wonder if Costanza gave the security guard a chair or something?
6. Foxnews - A Texas man was jailed last week after refusing to pay for a second buffet meal after his girlfriend "ate a couple bites from his plate."The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Wednesday that Dan Linscomb, 40, of Texas City, Texas, was arrested Oct. 21 after refusing to pay for the second $7 meal at an Iron Skillet restaurant in northwest Atlanta. According to a police report, Linscomb said "there were no signs in the restaurant that said someone could not have some food off your plate," the paper said. Linscomb was jailed on a charge of theft of services, but was released two days later after he pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, the paper said.
Fucking Texans. No respect for authority. Honestly what is Dan Liscomb trying to prove here? Everybody knows the rules of an all you can eat buffet are hard and fast. No fucking sharing! Not one bite, not a couple bites, not an entire meal. It’s pretty black and white. So spare me the song and dance about how there were no signs that said he couldn’t share. You don’t see any signs that you can’t murder people either do you? Now I know some people probably are thinking spending two days in jail is too harsh a punishment for this crime, but I say it’s not harsh enough. Because if we let people start abusing the All You Can Eat Buffet then what gets abused next?Free refills on drinks? All You Can Eat Ribs? No, we can’t let this happen. I won’t let this happen!
7. Metro Uk - A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on to the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude. The clergyman, in his 50s, told medical staff at Sheffield's Northern General Hospital that the accident was definitely not due to a sex game.He had to undergo surgery to extract the spud from his backside, according to The Sun. A&E nurse Trudi Watson told the paper: "He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in he kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato. "But it's not for me to question his story."
When are people going to learn how to downplay getting a potato stuck in their ass? This clergyman was doing just fine with the whole “ I was putting up curtains in the nude and then fell on it and it got stuck in my asshole routine". But then out of nowhere he lets his guilty conscious get the best of him and starts blabbing on about how it definitely was not the result of a sex game. Nobody said it was dude! And if you really want people to believe you then don’t even bring it up in the first place. Come on act like you’ve been there before. Because when you swear to god that you weren’t fucking yourself with a potato it makes people think you were. That’s the Barstool tip of the day.
8. Golf.com - With no golf on his schedule, John Daly says he went to North Carolina to have fun with some friends. What followed was a night in jail to sober up, a photo of Daly in orange coveralls with his eyes half-open, and the kind of publicity that seems to accompany the two-time major champion no matter where he goes. Daly said it could have been avoided if his friends had realized he tends to sleep with his eyes open when he's tired, stressed and has been drinking. He said the driver of his private bus, parked near Hooters, panicked when he saw Daly and called the paramedics. ``The bus driver called 911 because my eyes were open,'' Daly said. I said, 'What's going on?' He said, 'We thought you were dead.' Anybody who knows me ... when I'm tired, I sleep with my eyes open. They know it takes awhile to wake me up.''``The world perceives that I passed out at Hooters, that I was thrown out at Hooters,'' he said. ``I was asleep on the bus. I didn't pass out at Hooters. I've never had an incident at Hooters. I hate that their name is brought into it this way. They'll probably have to terminate me because of the negative publicity.''
It’s a sad day when a man can’t even sleep with his eyes open without somebody calling 911 on his ass. Yeah I know that the bus driver was trying to be a good guy, but how about checking to see whether he’s breathing or not before rushing off and calling the paramedics. Doesn’t winning 2 Majors earn you that right? And yes I know the cops didn’t arrest him but why’d they have to put the orange jump suit on him? Shouldn’t that be reserved for people who actually commit crimes? Poor John. Now he’s going to get terminated by Hooters and for what? Because he sleeps with his eyes open? For shame.
9. BRISTOL, Conn. -- A Bristol woman accused of forcing liquid soap down her 10-year-old son's throat has agreed to a plea deal. Janet Marra faces up to 18 months in prison when she is sentenced Jan. 6. She pleaded guilty Friday in Bristol Superior Court to risk of injury to a child. Authorities say 39-year-old Marra and her boyfriend forced the boy to ingest the soap in April during an argument over the child's language and attitude. The boy, who was spitting up blood, fled to a neighbor's home. Doctors later found signs of bruising around his neck and broken blood vessels in his face. Marra's boyfriend, 36-year-old John Mierzejewski, is serving a year in jail after pleading guilty to second-degree strangulation for manhandling the boy during the incident.
So let me get this straight? This kid was being a brat so the mother tried to teach him a lesson by washing his mouth out with soap and now the mother is on trial for risking injury to her child? Interesting. I could have sworn that is what people used to call good parenting. Apparently now it gets you a year in jail. And people wonder why America is going down the shitter. I mean maybe if more parents strangled their kids and shoved Zest down their throat there wouldn’t be so many punks running around today and the X Games wouldn’t even exist? Did anybody ever think of that?
10. RAVENNA, Mich. (WZZM) - Teammates in his bowling league think after rolling a perfect 300 game Don Doane's heart just gave out. "You get nervous shooting a 300," says teammate Todd Place. "The pressure keeps building," says bowling alley owner Jim Nutt. Minutes after achieving the life long goal of a perfect game the 62 year old bowler collapsed and died at Ravenna Bowl in Ravenna. "Don just collapsed," says alley owner Nutt. " At first we thought he just fainted." "Then when I rolled him over I realized it wasn't good," says teammate Place. The teammates say he was giving a high-five minutes before. They tried to revive him but Doane never spoke another word. He died of what was apparently a massive heart attack "He looked fine, reached across the table and gave me a high-five and he fell over," says Place. "It was like a book, a final chapter," says Place. "He threw his 300 game with all of his friends, gave each other high-fives and it's like the story ended. He died with a smile on his face." "Don will be a legend," says Nutt. 'It's something that will never be forgotten as long as people bowl here." Ravenna Bowl is planning a memorial ceremony for Doan's' wife Linda and son Chad.
People have probably heard me say in the past I don’t like to blog about stories where people die because there in no humor in that. Well this story is different. Because this story isn’t sad or depressing. This isn’t about getting burned alive or getting eaten by a shark or suffocating in a pile of shit. Nope, this is a celebration of life. Don Doane died doing what he loved to do. In fact some may say that this is the perfect way to die. (no pun intended) Sure it would be great to have sex and then die right afterwards, but I’d argue this is better. You wait your whole life to shoot the perfect game. You finally do it. You take a sip of beer, slap your buddies five and call it a lifetime. Nothing left to prove here on this earth. God Bless Don Doane and his perfect game as it will now live on forever. And something tells me that’s exactly how he wanted it.
PS - Somebody who commented on this article had a great line. They said from now on whenever they hear thunder they'll just assume it's Don Doane trying to roll another perfect game. Amen to that.
11. SEOUL (Reuters) - South Korea's highest court upheld Thursday a decades-old adultery law that can send people to jail for having an extramarital affair that critics say is anachronistic and infringes on personal freedom. The fourth appeal made to theConstitutional Court since 1989 was brought by the lawyers for a popular actress who was charged under the law when her TV personality husband filed a criminal complaint against her for having an affair with an opera singer. "The legal clause does limit an individual's right to sexual freedom and the right to privacy, but does not violate the principle of forbidding excessive measure," the court said in an opinion overturning the appeal. "This society's legal perception that adultery is damaging to the social order and infringes on another's right continues to be effective," the court said.
Talk about intolerance? This ruling makes Saudi Arabia look like Harvard Square. I mean how is South Korea ever going to be taken seriously by the West if they keep locking up people who commit adultery. Adultery? Really? What is that, like the 9th Commandment? Even Jesus knew cheating on your spouse wasn’t that big of a deal. Bottom line is this puts South Korea one step closer to joining forces with North Korea and forming a new mega-country future historians will probably call "Korea". And I wouldn't want to mess with them.
12. EVERETT, Mass. -- Some Everett residents are fed up with their neighbor's disturbing Halloween decorations. Some said the decorations cross the line, but the homeowner said it's all in the spirit of the season. At the crossroads of Lynn and Estes streets, Nick Servideo's home is decorated with several scary decorations including a half of a body hanging on a cross, a guy with his guts coming out, and a Grim Reaper. Servideo said this is what he does every October. His goal is to put the gory back into Halloween. "I think it is Halloween," Servideo said. "I think people putting up giant Winnie the Pooh and giant cats are getting away from the whole idea it's not about being cute. You got to get back to the scary stuff."A couple of neighbors want to see the garbage bags made to looks like people hanging from a tree taken down. They feel as though it is a racial statement. One neighbor has filed a complaint with the NAACP, but Servideo said he didn't mean any harm. "Oh no, no, no. It is a trash bag. They come in green and black. We just thought the black looked scarier," he said.
Hey to each their own. Some people want to make money. Some people want to save the children. And some people want to “put the gore back into Halloween”. Listen, I ain’t mad at him. Enough of the cute little black cats and Winnie the Poo blowup dolls. Halloween isn't all about candy and shaving cream. Let’s get back to the fucking basics and start scaring the piss out of people again! I’m so jacked and pumped I could suffocate somebody with one of those racist trash bags.
13. NYPOST - Elsewhere at the Santa Anita track, Jamie-Lynn Sigler was gushing to girlfriends in a bathroom about her new love interest, Jerry Ferrara, who plays Turtle on HBO's "Entourage." The two met when Sigler played herself on last Sunday's episode, where she lambasted Turtle for telling his friends how he'd "scored Meadow Soprano" on an airplane. In real life, it's definitely more than a one-flight stand.
You have to be shitting me. Turtle is fucking Jamie Lynn Sigler in real life?That’s impossible. I mean I was having a hard time dealing with the fact she jerked him of on Entourage and that’s fake. But this is even more ridiculous. Let me put it this way. If Turtle is banging Meadow Soprano for real then I’m going to fuck the hottest chick at our Halloween Party and we all know that ain’t happening. Anyway I’m curious what the Stoolies think. What is more unrealistic? Turtle getting a hand job from Meadow Soprano on Entourage or Turtle fucking Meadow Soprano in real life?
14. Boston.com - The Kraft family, owners of the New England Patriots, have completed a new agreement that makes them the title sponsor of the Israel Football League. The league, which will now be called the Kraft Family IFL, is a tackle league in its second season. The league is run by American Football in Israel and based in Jerusalem at Kraft Family Stadium. "The Kraft family involvement will ensure a banner year for both the IFL and American Football in Israel at-large, and we're excited to kick off our upcoming season with such a significant milestone," IFL Commissioner Ben Friedman said in a statement yesterday. The sponsorship deal includes a new league logo with the Kraft name in the design. (AP)
Do me a favor and cue the fucking duckboats already. Seriously this is almost unfair. The Pats are already good enough without having a pipeline to Israel. Now every great Jew football player in the world is going to want to play for us. You can forget about Texas and Florida. The real speed and talent comes from Jerusalem and now we own it. Once again Bob Kraft is playing chess while everybody else is playing checkers.
15. DENVER - Police say what started as a domestic violence call early Wednesday morning turned into a SWAT situation after a man was sprayed by a skunk. Denver Police say they received a report of domestic violence at around 3 a.m. They responded to East 38th Avenue near Newport Street where a man was holding his girlfriend hostage with a machete. The suspect had been arguing with his girlfriend and then went into the backyard where he ran into a skunk. Police say the skunk sprayed the man, which upset him even more, and he grabbed a machete and dragged his girlfriend into the backyard. That's when police say they arrived on the scene.
Ah it's a story as old as time itself. Man gets skunked and immediately takes hostages as retaliation. Seriously though talk about a tough break. It sounds like this guy was trying to do the right thing here. He got in a fight with his girlfriend and walked outside to cool off and take a deep breath. And then BAM a skunk comes out of nowhere and sprays his ass. The damn thing might as well just have put the machete in his hand. Gandhi himself wouldn’t have been able to control his rage in this situation. I mean getting skunked will make you do crazy, crazy things and that’s when you’re in a good mood. Never mind getting blasted right after getting in an argument with your significant other. If anything this guy should be given the Nobel Peace Prize for not killing her.
16. LOWELL -- A 62-year-old Lawrence barber, who was described by his attorney as a "person of peace," pleaded guilty yesterday to involuntary manslaughter for the 2004 slaying of a Lowell man, as well as the wounding of two others, during a drunken shooting rampage after a Red Sox-Yankees playoff game. In explaining the reduction from murder to manslaughter, prosecutor Elizabeth Dunigan acknowledged that one of the key witnesses is dead and several others can't be found. Dunigan said Rodriguez and several friends had begun a night of heavy drinking by piling into a minivan and attending a cockfight in Boston before catching the final innings of Game 5 of the Red Sox-Yankees American League Championship series at a Lynn bar. When the group was driving along Interstate 93 in Wilmington, the group began talking about the outcome of the game and teasing Rodriguez, a Yankees fan, about his team, Dunigan said. Rodriguez suddenly stood up, pulled a gun from his waistband and fired a shot into the floor. The others in the van told him to sit down, but no one took the gun from him. Instead, seconds later, Rodriguez stood up and began firing again. When the minivan finally stopped, Jose Rivera, aka Danilo Sosa, 33, of Lowell, had been shot in the chest. He died a short time later. In sentencing Rodriguez, Judge Kenneth Fishman noted that while the incident was a tragedy, Rodriguez has no criminal record and that, other than Rodriguez's aberrant behavior on that day, by all accounts he has led a "peaceful and hardworking life.''
I really don’t like talking about stories in which people ended up getting killed because there is no humor in that. But at the same time I’m dying to know where there are cock fights in Boston? This must be where Megan McCain is hanging out right? Regardless let this be a lesson to all the Stoolies out there. Next time you’re piling into your buddy’s minivan to go to the cockfights and then onto the Porthole afterwards maybe you should think twice about it because nothing good can come of the night.
PS – If I ever kill a guy I want this judge to hear my case. I’ve never heard of a sentence being reduced before because the defendant killed the witness. Also he seems to have a pretty liberal definition of a peaceful. I mean the defendant did pack heat to a cock fight and starting shooting wildly in a mini van. Other than that he’s like Gandhi.
Double PS - Back in the Spring Break of 98 a bunch of my buddies and I went to Puerto Rico. And being the degenerate gambler I am one of my first stops was to the local cockfighting ring. It’s a decision I’ve regretted for the rest of my life. Not only couldn’t I figure out how to place a bet, but cockfighting is some fucked up shit. It’s the only place I’ve ever been in my life where you could literally smell death. Here’s the thing they don’t tell you about cockfighting on the brochures. 9 out of 10 times one of the roosters doesn’t want to be in the ring. It doesn’t matter how many times they hit him in the face with the fake rooster before the fight (which they really do to work them into a rage) the guy just doesn’t want to be there. So what happens is you end up watching the most lopsided fight in the history of mankind. It’s worse than round II of Drago vs. Apollo Creed. But unlike the movies the corner doesn’t even think of throwing in the towel. One rooster just gets his ass kicked until he dies. Gruesome doesn’t even begin to describe it. In fact, I still have a couple blood stains on the tshirt I wore to the fights. To be honest, I think I would have been okay with it if the ref would have just stopped the fights when it was obvious that one rooster was out on his feet, but they never do. There is no such thing as a TKO in the world of cockfighting.