Random Thoughts
1. Boston.com - Brett Myers, a pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies, was arraigned this morning after being arrested shortly after midnight for allegedly beating his wife in front of a small crowd of witnesses on Boylston Street, authorities said.
Myers, 25, was released by a judge this morning after pleading not guilty to assault and battery charges in Boston Municipal Court, according to David Procopio, a spokesman for Suffolk County District Attorney Daniel F. Conley.
The pitcher and his wife, Kim Wickman, 28, were walking back to their hotel from a bar when a dispute broke out at the corner of Boylston and Dalton streets, according to Procopio. Police responded at 12:26 a.m. to a 911 call reporting a domestic assault, Procopio said.
Myers' wife told police she believed her husband hit her twice in the face with a closed fist. Witnesses told police Myers dragged his wife by the hair and slapped her across the face. Procopio said it is unclear if Myers punched his wife or slapped her, but he did strike her in the face.
Man, Brett Myers must have been one pissed off dude. You can’t even wait until you get back to the hotel room before you start beating your wife? And on Boylston Street? You might as well just drag her out of the stands at Fenway and beat her in the middle of a game. Umm, something tells me this isn’t the first time this has happened.
2. CHARLESTON- A former Marshall University cheerleader is suing the squad's coach, the university's Board of Governors and the West Virginia Higher Education Policy Commission over sexual harassment she says she had to endure while a cheerleader.
In it, she claims male members of the squad exposed themselves, rubbed their genitals on the female members' faces and called the females "bitches, whores" and other derogatory names, including one typically used to refer to female genitalia.
"Male members of the cheerleading squad routinely made offensive actions toward female squad members, including exposing their genitalia, rubbing their scrotum on a female team member's face as she stretched on the floor, groping female members' breasts, shouting 'Throw the bitches up' and grabbing their genitalia area," the complaint says.
It adds that head male cheerleader Richard Edmunds pulled down her sports bra and instructed her "not to be a bitch or she would find her ass hitting the ground."
K.C. also says he exposed his penis to her, rubbed his scrotum (in a motion known as "teabagging") on her head and face, promised her a permanent spot on the squad if she would have sex with him, requested they make a pornographic video together and "announced that he wanted to f--k her."
She blames Dunn (the coach) for "calling cheers by names such as 'Bearded Clam (vagina), More Head (oral sex) and String of Pearls (ejaculation)."
Also, she says Dunn ordered the female cheerleaders to put golf balls down their cleavage and skirts at a golf function and also expected them to kiss a putter shaped like a penis and show their breasts. K.C. adds that Dunn encouraged the females to throw up to lose weight. When she refused, she says she was put on probation for not being personable.
This story is shocking to me. Who the hell do these male cheerleaders think they are? First of all, aren’t they all gay to begin with? What are they doing going around teabagging the female cheerleaders during warm-ups? And where are the cheerleader’s boyfriends to come beat the piss out of the male cheerleaders? I know that male cheerleaders are usually jacked, but they can’t fight worth a damn. At least that would by my guess. No real man is a cheerleader. The only thing I can think of is that these guys get made so much fun of for being male cheerleaders that they have projected their anger onto the chick cheerleaders. As a side note I appreciate the author of this story pointing out what a “bearded clam” is, more head, and string of pearls. I’m not sure I could have figured that out on my own.
3. The debate over whether or not to boo Johnny Damon almost drove me to suicide but since this is all people are going to be talking about in the next few days, we might as well get it over with: Is Pedro going to get booed?
Despite what Peter Gammons thinks, despite the fatwa that Dirt Dogs has declared (never mind their hypocrisy, urging boos for Martinez after berating fans for booing Damon), despite all the hysteria that is sure to erupt on WEEI and despite the best efforts of the Globe and Herald, there is not a chance in hell that Pedro gets anything close to what Damon received. Not a chance. Pedro will receive more cheers than boos if he pitches Wednesday. Guaranteed.
I don't understand how people can cover the Red Sox for years and still have absolutely no idea what the fans think. Are there fans who can't stand Pedro because of his prima donna behavior and shady move to the Mets? Definitely. And I don't dispute that they can probably make a pretty good argument against Pedro. But there are far more fans who never worried about Pedro's attitude to begin with because we were too busy watching him win Cy Young's and cement his status as the best pitcher of his generation. I'm one of them.
Pedro brought life back to Fenway. Every game he pitched was an event, a chance to possibly glimpse history. He changed the face of the organization and changed the way the organization was perceived by fans and players. He was a Latin star on the Red Sox, giving the management credibility whenever it went after Latin free agents. The guy came out of the bullpen against Cleveland. He was our guy, often the only bullet we had against the Yankees.
I have no doubt that there will some scattered boo's directed at Pedro but 85% of Fenway will be on its feet, cheering him and you will hear some "Pedro" chants. Guaranteed.
4. So I got the following invitation yesterday.
"Marines from Northeastern States Invite Media to Embed -Fallujah, IRAQ
The 1st Battalion, 25th Marines, an activated reserve unit comprising 1,000 Marines from the northeastern states and New England are now serving in Fallujah, IRAQ. The Marines would like to invite you and your news staff to embed. Get up close and personal with the daily activities of these Marines and Medical Corpsmen originate from the towns of your viewing and readership areas.
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE EMBED
How much does it cost? - The primary cost of the trip to Iraq is only round-trip airfare to Kuwait International Airport and one night of lodging, (about $1,500 from the east cost). The military will provide free air transport in Iraq, lodging, and food once you arrive.
Is it safe? - The city of Fallujah is still a hot-bed and has its dangers. However, you can choose your level of risk. The Marine base camp is a safe haven and is often visited by dignitaries, and performing stars. Body armor is not mandatory, the food is good, and there is even a pizza and yogurt shop. On the other hand, it is high-risk if you venture to the heart of the Fallujah inner city. Body armor is mandatory. The atmosphere in the city is mixed. On one corner the Marines are conducting foot patrols, greeting residents and handing out candy to children. On the next corner, Marines are combing the streets for insurgents. There are dangers, but the story writing and experience is fabulous.
What type of equipment do I need? - The Marines will provide you with necessary equipment for the trip: helmet and body armor. A list of suggested equipment will be provided. "
Hmm, the yogurt shop is awfully tempting, but I think I’m going to have to pass on the trip to Iraq this time around. As much as I’d love to spend $1,500.00 bucks on a trip to Fallujah, I’m just not in the mood to get shot at. And I hear it can be hot as hell in Fallujah during the summer especially with body armor on.
5. According to Dlisted.com, Justin Timberlake has dumped Cameron Diaz.
“ What happened is that Justin is poised to leave on a world tour and he wants to be free. Last week he informed Cameron that it's over, just as she was about to leave town to film some movie pickups, and according to insiders "she is devastated." "They were a great, well matched couple in many ways but Cameron (at 33) is ready to settle down and wants a commitment, even though she might not admit it. Justin is only 24 and he's been with Cameron for three years. He hasn't had a chance to sow his wild oats yet." "A few weeks back, Justin and his buddies took off for a few days in Las Vegas and Cameron went chasing after him. She was just too clingy."
This is truly devastating news for Cameron Diaz. Dating is like playing the stock market. You need to sell high and buy low. And there is no better way to add value to your personal portfolio than by dumping somebody famous or pretty. The reverse is also true though. There is no way for your stock to fall faster than to be dumped by a former boy band member who is 10 years younger than you. Diaz had to smell this dumping coming and beat him to the punch. And you never want the word clingy getting thrown around either. As a side note, I wonder if Timberlake wrote Cameron a break up letter?
“Dear Cameron,
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.”
Justin”
Maybe my favorite letter Homer Simpson has ever written.
6. Boston.com - “A 15-year-old from Ashland said he panicked and jumped off the MBTA commuter train when he learned he was on an express and not stopping at the Wellesley Hills station where he was bound. The train was traveling between 25 and 30 miles per hour when he jumped.
A somewhat chagrined, stitched, and very bruised Jake Todaro said his unscheduled exit in Natick from the eastbound Framingham-Worcester commuter train was the result of a brain freeze.
``I wasn't really thinking," said Todaro, who was treated and released from Children's Hospital getting stitches in his forehead, between his nose and upper lip. He also broke a pinky finger. ``I just panicked. I don't drive yet and I'm not used to being in places I don't know."
I love this story. Wouldn’t you have loved to be on this train? Imagine the comedy of seeing this kid realize that he missed his stop and then watching him proceed to jump out the door. Who does that? Also, I simply can’t accept his explanation that it was a brain freeze. I mean if you’re capable of jumping from a moving train, you’re capable of anything. I mean you could kill a guy. You can do anything. You’re a wild card.
7. This has been a question that has been on my mind for the past four years. How is Big Brother still on the air? Not only have I never watched it but I don’t know one person who has ever watched it. And I’m the king of reality TV. This show has been on so long that this season they are actually featuring Big Brother All Stars. Are you kidding me? What is the deal with this show? How is it still on the air? I want somebody to explain to me how Big Brother is still going and Arrested Development is cancelled. It makes no sense on any level. Big Brother has to be the least watched television show with the longest tenure in the history of modern civilization.
8. First of all I am not, repeat NOT, making fun of the handicapped. But I have to call into question what the hell guys in wheelchairs are doing on dance floors. How can that possibly be fun? It can’t be. Hey, I’m not out there -- too old to dance, but they’re getting in the way of legitimate Meatheads trying to score! Just last week I was creepily staring at 2 hot chicks grinding each other’s crotches - and of course these Meathead dudes came over and tried the ole' "Pardon me I didn't mean to grab your keister routine", which is fine, but then one of them unfortunately slammed into Wheelchair Guy who was backing his ass up to a Ying Yang Twins’ song.
But what can you do? You can't say anything because that would be prejudiced; it's just I don't see what anyone is accomplishing by having guys in wheelchairs shakin’ their axles while serious, serious Club Guys are trying to get their freaks on.
Again, not making fun. Just calling into question…
9. The war over Fluffernutter is heating up. In response to State Senator Jarrett Barrios' life-or-death struggle to ban Fluff from public school cafeterias, State Representative Kathi Anne Reinstein has just filed legislation to make the Fluffernutter the official sandwich of the Commonwealth. Reinstein's proposed legislation is no doubt a jab at Barrios, who was running for Middlesex County District Attorney just a few months ago. Expect the first Fluffernutter War drive-by soon.
I have never eaten a Fluffernutter- I'm a traditionalist, PB&J type of guy- but I have to stand up for the 'Nutter. If a kid has a Fluffernutter once in a while, I seriously doubt that they are going to suddenly morph into neckless slobs. What really needs to happen is some enterprising parent needs a film a documentary, Fluff Me, and feed their kid nothing but Fluffernutters and other Fluff food, for a month and see what happens.
10. I’m sure everybody has noticed all these random ass cows that have started popping up on the streets of Boston. Personally, I have no problem with them. But it makes me nervous about the sanity of Mayor Menino. For the past few months Mumbles has been on a vendetta to clean up the city. His number one priority in life has been to get rid of all the newspaper racks in Boston. He claims that newspaper racks are an eyesore for the city and is hurting business is such naturally beautiful areas like Downtown Crossing. A day doesn’t go by in which the Mayor doesn’t send the DPW out into the city to haul away a few helpless Barstool Sports racks despite the fact that we paid the city for permits allowing us to put them there. Also it appears that the Mayor’s fixation with “cleaning” up the city has expanded to local restaurants. Just last week Menino sent the DPW up and down Newbury Street stealing the signs that café’s were putting out in front of their restaurants advertising their daily specials. Apparently these signs violated some code that hasn’t been enforced since the 1800’s. Again it’s all part of Menino’s plan to clean up city streets and make local businesses hate Boston. Anyway, in light of Menino’s recent crusade against local businesses, I find it highly amusing that he gave the green light for weird looking cows to be planted all over the place. Apparently in Menino’s eyes, a sign advertising a lunch special is more obnoxious than a pink cow in the middle of the sidewalk.
11. Baseball players never cease to amaze me with how stupid they are. In the aftermath of the Jason Grimsley fiasco there was an article today on ESPN.com about how Luis Gonzalez is pissed about the fact that the Diamondbacks managing general partner Ken Kendrick acknowledged that there have been whispers about Louis Gonzalez and steroid use in the past.
In the interview, Kendrick said, "I'll be blunt with you and say there have been certainly whispers about Luis Gonzalez. Because he's such a high-profile guy and you can make a case of his numbers five years ago versus his numbers today and therefore he must have been doing something. Well, he's also five years older."
Gonzalez hit 57 homers in 2001, the year the Diamondbacks won the World Series. His previous high was 31 homers, and he hasn't hit more than 28 in a season since.
Kendrick stressed that "I don't have any suspicions about Luis Gonzalez. Any more than I would about any other player."
These comments prompted Louis Gonzalez to call his own press conference in which he didn’t say much of anything except that he doesn’t like starting his day by hearing his name associated with the steroid scandal.
Okay, here is my advice to Luis Gonzalez. Shut up! Just shut up. Don’t say a freaking word. Don’t call a press conference to respond to nothing. Everybody knows you juiced in 2001. So don’t insult us by saying you don’t appreciate your name being mentioned in the steroid rumors. Personally, I could care less if guys use steroids. I know I definitely would use it if I was a MLB player. But I wouldn’t sit there and complain about steroid rumors and stuff like that. I’d just keep my mouth shut. And I certainly wouldn’t call my own press conference to talk about it when everybody knows I used them.
12. I never tip anymore when I go to Dunkin Donuts. And I feel like a cheap skate not doing it but I just can’t justify it. My large iced coffee costs $2:30. 9 out of 10 times I’ll give the lady 3 bucks and I can’t afford not to take back my 70 cents. After all, 70 cents a day adds up especially when you’re trying to run an international publishing empire and you need every penny you can get. But now every time I go to Dunkin Donuts I feel like the Dunkin Donuts lady gives me a nasty look like because I don’t leave the change. And then yesterday she pulled this stunt on me. I actually brought in $2:50 in quarters from all the change I had accumulated over the past couple weeks buying coffees and the lady didn’t even offer me the 20 cents back. She just put it right in her change jar. What kind of move is that? Listen, I was going to give her the 20 cents, but you can’t not offer it to me right? I didn’t say anything, but I still don’t think it was the right move. And my bigger question is am I the only one not leaving the change at Dunkin Donuts? Does this make me a scumbag? I’m usually a good tipper, but I’m not going to tip somebody 70 cents every single day for the rest of my life for making me my coffee.
13. From last week's Globe:
For Scott Brown, attending Lauren Dell'Olio's bachelorette party was as natural as attending a Red Sox game with his buddies...So he wasn't surprised to be included in her pre-wedding ritual, traditionally reserved for ladies only.
"It was just another ordinary night of shenanigans with my pals," Brown, 36, of Quincy said of the bachelorette party in April that featured mojitos and appetizers at a friend's house, followed by dinner and dancing...Dell'Olio's party typifies the new look of today's bachelorette and bachelor parties which have become increasingly coed.
So the Globe continues its relentless assault on American manhood. They must have roamed the countryside, taken out ads, and made offers of reward until they finally found the one guy on Earth who thinks making these parties coed is a good idea. Picture your best friend. Now imagine him at Dick's Last Resort wearing a t-shirt covered in Life Savers that spell out "EAT ME", giggling hysterically while his platonic girl friend goes around in a ball and chain
Have you ever noticed that the only people who push for traditionally single sex institutions to become coed are women? Has any man ever truly wanted to be at his fiancee's shower? OK, maybe some Globe editors, but no one else.
In case you've forgotten, Scott Brown, we used to make steel in this country. We drove big cars that were carved out of a solid block of metal and had Chrysler 440 cubic inch engines. We ate rare steak and drank scotch every day. For lunch. I weep for my nation.
14. New YorkPost -- PARIS Hilton is so upset that Lindsay Lohan has been seeing her ex, Greek playboy Stavros Niarchos, she screamed insults at Lohan at Butter on Monday night. Witnesses report Hilton went up to Lohan and shouted, "I can't believe you and Stavros! You are ridiculous!" After taking more insults and curses, Lohan said, "That's how you say hello? I don't need to respond to you." Lohan promptly left. A rep for Lohan said, "Correct. Paris tried to pick a fight with her and started screaming at her, but Lindsay took the high road." After Lohan left, Hilton did a striptease for N.Y. Knick David Lee, Eli Manning and a bunch of other N.Y. Giants.
For some reason this story struck me as hilarious. Wouldn’t you love to be a friend of Paris Hilton and talk to her the next morning after she went out for a night?
"So Paris, what did you do last night? Umm, nothing much. I just berated Lindsey Lohan for a couple hours, did a strip tease for the Giants and then I f-cked Jeremy Shockey and we made a porno out of it. Same old, same old."
My favorite part of this story is how they casually throw in the fact that Hilton did a strip tease for David Lee, Eli Manning and the rest of the NY Giants at the end like it was a throw away line.