Sox Offenders

Can we all agree on one thing before we get started today? Baseball is a game. The dictionary defines it as “a game played with a bat and ball by two opposing teams of nine players, each team playing alternately in the field and at bat, the players at bat having to run a course of four bases laid out in a diamond pattern in order to score.” That’s it. The players play to win, the fans watch to enjoy it. Is it a great game? Is it a game I love? Yes to both. But it is a distraction from the so-called real world. An escape for those of us unlucky enough not to be playing a kid’s game to pay our bills. But it is still a game, and the players are not bigger than life, although you wouldn’t know it from reading the news.

Brett Myers: The guy punches out his wife, drags her down the street by her hair, gets arrested, and is still allowed to take the mound the next day? Was I supposed to throw an “allegedly” in there? Fuck that. There are witnesses, and his wife told police he did it – punched her twice causing the left side of her face to swell. The guy is a scumbag and Bud Selig and Phillies’ GM Pat Gillick choose to ignore it. Thankfully, the Boston fans are not so willing to put up with that kind of crap. Just like they helped run wife-beater Wil Cordero out of town, the Fenway Faithful let Myers have it every time he stepped on the field to pitch.

Ozzie Guillen: The White Sox skipper was fined an undisclosed amount and ordered to take sensitivity training after calling Jay Mariotti a “fucking fag.” Evidently Guillen has had no love for Mariotti for quite a while. When Mariotti went running to Bud Selig, probably leaving a steaming trail of urine behind him, Guillen was forced to explain. Ozzie simply stated that in his country the word means something different, he wasn’t calling out Mariotti’s sexual preference, but his lack of courage. Based on Cryin’ Jay’s reaction, Ozzie was right. Big Bad Bud didn’t buy it and hit Guillen with the punishment. So let’s review: beating the snot out of your wife in public – good, having a pottymouth – bad.

Paxton Crawford: During interviews wit ESPN The Magazine and The Boston Globe, Crawford admitted to using performance enhancing drugs during his short stay with the Red Sox. After reading about it, thousands of baseball fans were quoted as saying “who gives a shit?” I mean, I hate cheaters, which is exactly what steroid-users are, and I’m glad the guy had the balls to come forward but he isn’t exactly Sammy Sosa. What records do we have to worry about putting an asterisk next to? Other than “Most Falls Out of a Hotel Bed Onto a Water Glass” I don’t know of any. Crawford actually said “Shoot, why not?” Who says “shoot?” Anyway, it got his name in the paper. The only other reaction was from Tim Wakefield who told reporters “I remember him not being too bright. That's what I remember about him.”

Hank Aaron: The Homerun King’s 1954 Milwaukee Braves road jersey, did not sell at an auction for the minimum asking price of $150,000. In a world where sports collectibles and grilled cheese sandwiches with the image of the Blessed Mother are nearly priceless, this news shocks and saddens me. Hammerin’ Hank will be the record-holder in many people’s minds, including my own, regardless of whether or not Barry Bonds ends up with a tainted number higher than 755. Bonds could probably (and might have to, someday) sell the jock he wore yesterday on eBay for 150-grand, but a piece of memorabilia from such a great hitter and great person doesn’t make the grade. Where have we gone wrong?

There you have it, sports fans: the darker side of the game we love. To take you back to your normally scheduled distraction, the Red Sox have just won their ninth straight to take a 3-game lead over the Yankees. For the second game in a row, it was Big Papi supplying the extra-innings game-winner. Saturday on a two-run, tenth inning walk-off homer, Monday on a twelfth inning, two-out single. There is still some good in the game.

S