Stool Samples
Actual Crap That Came From People's Mouths
Last week, author and writer Buzz Bissinger made headlines across the blogosphere with his ‘rambunctious’ appearance on HBO’s Costas Now. After coming off as a stark-raving lunatic who hates all things blogs and believes them to be the Devil’s journalism, Bissinger has since sung a different tune. He apologized on various national radio shows and then spoke with (GASP) a blog.
In an interview with our cyber-friends at The Big Lead, Buzz acknowledges he is a reader of ‘some’ blogs and admits they serve a purpose. He also contradicts himself, goes off on tangents and appears to be a self-serving liar.
Sorry; we were supposed to be objective and let you decide. Woops. Some of our favorite lines from the lengthy interview:
“The initial reaction (to the show) was quite positive, more than quite positive from those I immediately spoke to–fellow panelists and members of HBO with the exception of Costas (Bob was friendly but muted in his response to my performance. He is one of the most thoughtful people I know and I think he was mulling that I had gone way too far.) What I began to realize by the next afternoon is this: What the fellow panelists thought (at least the ones I spoke with) were not remotely a representative group.”
“I believe in what I said (although the emails I received have also directed me to some excellent information-based sports blogs I was not aware of). But I made a terrible mistake in the manner in which I said it.”
“I am a man of passion, and my passion got the better of me.”
“Of course I poke around the Internet. Contrary to the way I came off on the Costas show, I do not exist in some bubble.”
Yup. He believes that blogs perpetuate cruelty and hate, the people he spoke with after the show thought he was right on with his beliefs, he’s very impassioned and he pokes around at the very things which perpetuate cruelty and hate.
To illustrate how stupid we must be to believe his contrition, imagine for a second we take part in a townhall discussion about fast food. Next to us is the man behind the biggest fast food chain around, Ronald McDonald. We interrupt Ronald to tell him he’s full of crap and that his burgers and fries do nothing but perpetuate laziness and obesity. After our words make the rounds and we realize we made a fool of ourselves, we appear in various mediums expressing our sincere apologies – and even admit that we eat Big Macs and $1 McChicken’s because “not all McDonalds food is bad.”
Thanks for playing the game, Mr. Bissinger.
Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth
"(Alfonso Soriano) was crawling up DeRosa's backside." - Tim McCarver
He knows not what he says, ladies and gentlemen. He’s a big dumb animal.
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"Two and two isn't a good count to run on because it's one ball away from a full count when you'll be running anyway." -Tim McCarver
Never mind that a full count can occur with less than two outs – you shouldn’t try stealing when it’s all but a guarantee the next offering won’t be a pitch out.
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"Jose Reyes reminds me of Rickey Henderson." - Jim Kaat, TBS
If you took Reyes’ career .330 OBP and placed it in Baltimore, Tampa Bay or San Diego, you’d be looking at an above average shortstop with speed. Instead, the exciting one basks in the New York spotlight. For the record, his career OBP is .71 points lower than Rickey Henderson (and .20 less than David Eckstein’s).
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"(Albert Pujols) is the real deal." - Joe Morgan, on Albert Pujols
Mark it down, folks: May 4th, 2008, Joe Morgan hanged himself out to dry.
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"You can't be patient if the pitcher is throwing strikes."- Joe Morgan
At least, that’s what Joe thought the last time he watched a pitcher throw strikes.
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"One of the problems that both of these pitchers have is that they’re not really strikeout pitchers, and if you continue to put runners on base, they’re going to put the ball in play and then you’ve got to hope that they hit it at someone" - speaking of Todd Wellemeyer (and Jason Marquis)
Not a strikeout pitcher, eh? Going into Sunday's game, Wellemeyer sat just outside the Top 10 in the National League in strikeouts with 36 in 37 innings pitched (13th in the NL) and was just outside the Top 5 in K/9 innings (6th in the NL) with 8.76. Surely Joe's insinuation that Wellemeyer isn't a strikeout pitcher was just a simple mistake that someone on the broadcast probably corrected right away, right?
Cue Morgan an inning later with Wellemeyer on the mound...
"If you continue to walk hitters, pitch from behind and you’re not a strikeout pitcher, you’re going to give up some runs.”
If Joe wasn't so afraid of the Internet perhaps he could take a few minutes before the game to look up the starters that he will be announcing.
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"Carmelo Anthony was applauded for driving Denver into the playoffs in 2004, his rookie season. Since then, it's been a tough road in the postseason." – AP
When describing the performance of a star athlete who was recently charged with a DUI, the terms “driving” and “tough road” should generally be avoided.
Emmitt Smith Cool With Us as Long as We Don't Kill Anyone
Since various media members apparently don’t watch him on ESPN Sunday and Monday NFL Countdown, Emmitt Smith’s football opinions are still sought after and deemed notable in some circles. Naturally, when Emmitt opines about the troubles and volatility of Pacman Jones, comedy ensues:
http://cowboysblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2008/05/emmitt-ok-with-pacman-as-long-as-bullets.html
"As long as you're not killing anybody, getting anybody shot at and going to jail, then I don't have any issues. Pacman is a grown man. He understands to the do's and don'ts, the rights and wrongs. He has choices to make. Hopefully he starts making better choices. Your personal life is your personal life. Some of the choices you make are not some of the choices I would make. As long as you're out here on the practice field performing like you're supposed to and not getting into any trouble. I'm not going to tell you what you should be doing."
[Jerry Jones and Emmitt Smith look over Pacman’s resume of criminal and legal transgressions…]
“Hmmm, okay, let’s see your rap sheet Pac Man. No murders, only a few people shot at, alleged extortion, strip club run-ins, currently not in jail… Yep, everything looks great. Here’s your uniform. Welcome aboard!”
Good Bye and God Speed Rodney and Dibbs
With rumors circulating that the Best Damn Sports Show Period will be cancelled late this summer, it appears the “downsizing” has already begun. According to USA Today, Rob Dibble and Rodney Peete will no longer co-host with Chris Rose and John Salley. In their stead, the show will look to “guest hosts”.
Even though we’ve generally mocked BDSSP in the past, we harbor no ill feelings to Rodney or Rod and would like to take the following moment to reflect back and remember all the good things the two former athletes brought to the sports world: