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Jennifer Aniston Wants To Date A 'Normal Guy' And I'd Like To Say I'm Fairly Normal

Alrighty. This is my chance. Something I've literally been waiting 17 years to do since I watched the final episode of Friends for the first time is on the table. The literal queen of all queens, Jennifer Aniston, is looking for a REGULAR GUY! You heard that right, fellas! A regular guy! R-E-G-U-L-A-R! A guy just like us- like me writing this and you reading this. Regular as all hell! I will now throw my hat in the ring and pray a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend somehow relays this message to her.

So Jen...I'm not gonna sugarcoat it- you've got a long & intimidating dating history. You've been married to Brad Pitt who I've heard is pretty fucking cool and hot. You've been married to Justin Theroux who is also very hot & a funny, funny, funny, funny person. You've dated a guitar wunderkind in Mayer. You've even dated Duritz who, if we're being honest isn't the hottest, so that may be the W here for me even though he does make some sweet jams. My point being is that all those dudes are all awesome accomplished rich dudes and you know what they say right? More money, more problems. All those dudes may actually be mean because of that and not willing to treat you like the Queen that you are.

Not this guy...not this guy at all. I can confirm that I am not rich, but what I do have is a great personality (at least I like to think so) and my own Hawaiian shirt line. That's pretty much it. Although I'd like to think those can be 2 integral parts of this courtship.

I do also love food and would love to smoke a brisket for you on our first date. Nothing says romance quite like a 14-hour smoked brisket along with some sides and beverages. Just saying. If this happens to find you Jen and you're by the grace of god interested please contact me either on twitter @Glenny_Balls or Instagram @Glennyballs. Thank you!