BREAKING: Odell Beckham Jr. Admits That He Hates Drinking Water!!! #Watergate
There you have it folks. After months of controversy coming from all corners of the franchise, the Giants have an actual #Watergate break out in their locker room. Odell and Pat Shurmur cannot see eye to eye on H2O and sources tell me that John Mara is puking his guts out that he is paying someone that dislikes 71% of the world’s surface. Despite the NFL being in the middle of an exciting season and the baseball playoffs about to climax, there will be nothing but news about Odell’s drinking habits on my timeline. We are officially in “Miss Lippy’s car is green” level of ridiculousness. I don’t blame Odell though. He just truly doesn’t like water despite being one of the greatest specimens on the planet. I mean look at this video. You can tell Odell is fighting with every ounce of his might to get that bottle down because he is a good teammate and cares about the Giants success.
I don’t want to hear any of the water hardos come out of the woodwork either about how a bunch of doctors say Odell should drink 8 tall glasses a day and set a good example for the youth. Fuck that noise. Go to any elementary school and see what kids choose to drink. Juice, chocolate milk, soda, etc. Water is drafted at the same point the fat kid is in dodgeball. We only start drinking water because we are told how good it is for us. But you know who doesn’t need water to fuel his high octane engine? Odell fucking Beckham Jr. In fact, I may start drinking whatever Odell is drinking because it has powered him to become one of the most athletic specimens any of us have ever seen. I don’t care if it’s water, purple stuff, or Sunny D. I don’t care if Odell needs an IV at halftime, after the game, or during the game. But let him drink whatever he wants then plug him up if he cramps. The Casa de Clem was once a proud water household, but that ends today.
#DrinkBodyArmor #HollaIfYouHydrate
P.S. There is still like a 10% chance this is all a guerilla marketing campaign since The Waterboy’s 20-year anniversary was this week.