Heath Ledger as the Joker in the new Batman film:

or Tori Spelling's breasts:

Tim Wakefield's league leading ERA just two games ago seems like a mirage in the eyes of a beer thirsty Sox fan now, after being lit up for 6 runs by the Yankoffs tonight. Realistically we all saw this one coming. Wake has been pitching out of his head so far this season, and still only has a 4-4 record.

According to the Boston Globe Wake is now 1-7 with a 6.00 ERA in the last 9 starts against the Yankoffs...

The Sox on the other hand were going up against the Yankoffs' best in Chien-Ming Wang. A Youk K with the bases loaded in the 2nd and the Sox had left 5 men on already. Meanwhile dick head A-Fraud hit his 3rd home run in the last 3 days and appears to be heating up again.

There's not really much to complain about. The Sox had their chances, but when the Yankoffs are hitting there's not much you can do no mater how good the pitching is. JD Drew had a tough night, 0-for-5, after he appeared to break out of his early slump the last week plus.

Not only was tonight's game slow and dull for a NY-Boston match-up, but having to sit thru Remy and Donny-O flirt with the Yankoffs female information assistant and giggling during promos didn't make things any easier.

Since we're trying to break the record for YouTube clips in a day here at BSS, why not throw in this clip of comedian Patrice O'Neal discussing some jokes on that hilarious subject of rape. "Rrrrrrr"

First off it's interesting that once again Sly is going with his character's name as the title. Like "Rocky Balboa" this time we have "John Rambo" and we can only hope for the release of "Lincoln Hawk" sometime in the near future. In the beginning of the trailer you get a feeling he was trying to get to the roots of Rambo, like he did with Rocky in the new film, but as soon as Johnny boy goes after the tourists that he refused to give a lift into a warzone, the ridiculousness we remember from "Rambo: First Blood Part II" and "Rambo III" returns. In about a 10 second span we see Rambo cut one guy's head off with a machete, puree another guy with a machine gun at close range and pull a "Dalton" by ripping a would-be rapist's throat out.

Why don't police departments make money off their 9-1-1 calls? Most of them are idiots. Why not open a website where you can listen to all the funny ones...Million dollar idea!

Ouch. The cover of this week's Sporting News literally gave UB a sick feeling in his gut. Not only does the mere image of Duncan in a C's uniform bring back painful memories (the first time UB has seen Duncan in green since he stopped making trades for him while playing PS2 basketball seasons) of what could have been, but it underlines just how huge Tuesday night is going to be in the history of not only the Celtics but this entire sports town. Can't talk about it any more...have to go throw up...

Um, did anybody notice that we have a party this week? Yup, this Thursday is our Ultimate Barstool Office Party (AKA CEOs and Office Hos) And just to let everybody know, El Pres is working for everybody. Today was the first shoot for our 25 Sexiest Magazine and I’ve been heavily pressuring all the girls that they better come on Thursday. Hopefully everybody else is doing the same to all the chicks in their office. And no girls don’t have to dress like Hos. Any office attire is acceptable.

Also, we’re going to have a person there rolling cigars which is pretty freaking cool if you ask me. So if you haven’t signed up for the guest list yet send us an email at ceosandhos@barstoolsports.com. Check out the website at www.barstoolofficeparty.com

As a side note, we’ll be confirming everybody on the guest list tomorrow so don’t freak out if you haven’t heard back yet.

Lots of great TV on tonight. Heroes season finale. So many questions to be answered- will Hiro stop Sylar, will Peter blow up Manhattan, will Nathan sell out the NYC for a shot at the Oval Office, will Mama Petrelli's secret power be revealed, will Mr. Bennett blow that little girl's head off and will Claire Bennett blow...well, let's just say that tonight's episode could be very special.

And I have to catch 24. Gonna have DVR that and watch it after Heroes. It's also the season finale of Law and Order: Criminal Intent. I haven't really watched much of Detective Goren this season but it's hard to say no to Dawson from Adventures in Babysitting. I'm a little conflicted about what to watch at 7.

It's a tough call. On Bio, a pie-factory owner is accused of murder on Murder, She Wrote. CMT has the season finale of the Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search. There are some Scrubs repeats on Comedy Central and ESPN Classic is replaying some old American Gladiators episodes.

I'm glad that there aren't any big sporting events tonight because I would hate to miss Murder, She Wrote. That episode is one of my favorites. Jessica Fletcher is one hot, wrinkled piece of ass.

I'm excited for the MLB postseason to start (has anyone seen the Sox's ALDS schedule yet?) but it's nice to have a few months to kick back, relax and catch up on Murder, She Wrote.

Thank god Manzo doesn't blog or else I may be in trouble...

Mr. T hates flopping in soccer.

Mr. T knows fashion.

Mr. T is OK with calling people fat, ugly and dumb. But he draws the line at momma jokes.

Mr. T and New Edition aren't down with peer pressure.

Mr. T wants you to be somebody.

Mr. T likes his burgers without any sleeping powder.

And the answer is ...

Eva Longoria. And according to my unofficial research she is the league leader in Guess that ass photos...

Do the Celtics have something against foreigners?

It has been eight years since the Celtics drafted a foreign player with no US collegiate experience. In 1997, Aussie Ben Pepper was the team's second round pick. Since that time, every other NBA team has drafted at least one foreign player while the Celtics have remained steadfastly pro-USA (not including the 2005 expansion Charlotte Bobcats). The Celtics did trade for Croatian Josip Sesar, Seattle's second round pick in 2000. But even if you count the Sesar acquisition as a foreign draftee, the C's only move from being the NBA team with the longest streak of All American draft picks to being tied for the longest such streak with Sacramento.

The Celtics' record of staying away from foreigners has stretched over different owners, general managers, coaches and styles of play. At a time when most NBA teams were using late first round picks and second round picks on young Euros that they could stash on the continent for a few years, the Celtics were loading up on questionable US collegians. Kris Clack, Brandon Hunter, Joe Forte, Justin Reed and Orien Greene come to mind.

Obviously, when it comes to any draft, there are going to be picks that simply don't pan out. But what makes the Celtics' eight year run of no foreign draft picks so questionable is that the team had to know, that in many instances, it was just wasting a roster spot on marginal US collegians that were highly unlikely to crack the rotation. In 1999, Clack was the 55th overall pick; the 57th was Manu Ginobili. It wasn't like the Celtics needed Clack, as Michael Holley pointed out in a 1999 Boston Globe piece:

Where Clack will fit in with the Celtics is a mystery. Playing him at forward is a near impossibility, even though he plays big for his size and is a gifted jumper. You don't see too many 6-4 small forwards in the NBA. And when you do, those forwards have to at least make their 20-footers consistently. For his career, Clack made 30 percent of his shots from 20 feet and beyond.

In 2001, it was Joe Forte, a slow-footed, unathletic shooting guard with no handle, piss-poor attitude and a fairy godfather in Red Auerbach, over Tony Parker at a time when the Celtics were desperate for a backup point guard for Kenny Anderson (hence the midseason trade for Tony Delk). Forte played a grand total of 39 minutes during the 2001-02 season, his one and only year in Boston. It's safe to say that Parker has enjoyed a bit more NBA success.

Going foreign isn't a guarantee to NBA success. But it was hard to watch the San Antonio-Phoenix series and not think that maybe the Celtics' draft strategy has been flawed for years. Since the 1997 Draft, the Celtics have stayed away from foreign prospects. In that time, here's just a brief list of the foreign players that the Celtics had a realistic chance to draft and passed over in favor of stiffs that barely set a foot on the parquet- Ginobili, Parker, Hido Turkoglu, Mehmet Okur, Luis Scola, Boris Diaw, Leandro Barbosa and Anderson Varejao.

Draft success is never guaranteed but the margin of error gets a lot thinner when you're ignoring the rest of the world.

Here is an obvious disclaimer for this post. I couldn't find all my favorite clips on youtube. For example, I spent at least 8 hours looking for the Halloween "Bald Asshole" clip, but couldn't find it. So these are just the best ones that are on the web. Enjoy.

10. Susie's Bra

9. Larry uses fake voice to order Girls Gone Wild

8. Larry exposes the Tooth Fairy

7. Richard Lewis tells Larry he better call by Sundown

6. Larry Calls Gay Guy A Cunt During Poker

5. Richard Lewis accuses Larry of stealing his outgoing message

4. Susie gets robbed

3. Doll Head

2. Larry and Jeff get kicked out of their country club

1. Larry sells cars (long but worth it)

For whatever reason, parents seem to take a college's choice of commencement speaker very seriously. I can imagine that it has something to do with parents getting bombarded for four years by mailings and phone calls asking for even more money to support the remarkable work being done on the campus...where their kid is skipping class, dodging STD's and hovering around the GPA Mendoza Line.

The whole business of securing a commencement speaker is a racket. You need to know someone that personally knows the speakers. You need to meet their asking price. You need to provide transportation and accommodations. And you need to beat out all the other schools that are angling for that speaker. It's basically like free agency in baseball.

Which must be part of the reason that Iona College picked former Yankees centerfield Bernie Williams to deliver their stirring commencement address.

Bernie, who has some time on his hands, crafted a powerful eight minute commencement address. Eight minutes may not seem like a lot of time for a commencement address but it's important to note that Bernie had a serious handicap- he was without his trusted guitar.

I'm sure Bernie packed a lot of his valuable life lessons into those eight minutes though.

"If you want to be successful in life, get signed by the Yankees when you're 16, play major league baseball baseball for 17 years, make millions of dollars, win a bunch of World Series, play a little jazz guitar and then just sit around for the next 40 years, living off of your investments and underwriting your wife's plastic surgery. If you can do that, and if I could it, I know you can, then you will be happy. All it takes is freakish natural ability, which you all no doubt have since you've spent the last four years in a classroom, angling for an entry level job after graduation, and someday you'll find yourself in centerfield at Yankees Stadium. Believe in yourself and follow your dreams. Thank you and Go Yankees!"

Page 6 - May 20, 2007 -- IT'S hard out there for a professional athlete who gets no attention from the usually man-hungry ladies at Clifton, N.J., nightspot The Bliss Club. Sources say New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress insulted female patrons there and "left the club without paying his $2,000 tab."

It seemed that Burress was upset Wednesday night because "no women were paying any attention to him."

The NFLer, recently praised in the press for attending voluntary workouts during the Giants' off-season, was also snubbing male fans at the club. Spies said he refused to sign the jersey of one who raced home to retrieve it when he learned Burress was there, hoping to get an autograph.

No offense but I’d be bullshit if I was Plaxico too.   I mean if you’re an NFL football player and you go to a nightclub and start tossing around all sorts of cash and the ladies don’t even give you a look than you deserve….wait a minute.   Did I just read that some dude ran back home and got his Plaxico Burress jersey from his house and brought it back to the club to get it signed?    Are you serious?  That guy has to be the biggest loser on the face of the planet.  Honestly who does that?  I wish Plaxico pissed on the shirt when the guy went to get it signed.    Maybe that would have been the wake up call this guy needed to salvage his life..   

http://www.nypost.com/seven/05202007/gossip/pagesix/pagesix.htm