1. Trying to give El Prez last minute advice on how to run the party is a waste of time. Not because he doesn't listen, but because he doesn't need it. The kid has his shit together and that ain't no jive talk honky.

2. I have a new BFF and she's got a tongue ring. "Nice!"

3. I finally know a girl who can tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue...Even if it took her 10 minutes.

4. If we sold a magazine that featured nothing but the knee caps of hot chicks, Soooooog would buy it.

5. MFSaint has been the best man at 5 different weddings. UB's only partied with him twice and it's easy to see why.

6. It's gonna be hard for anyone to beat Jillian in my eyes as the model of the year. The fact that she spent 10 minutes letting me help adjust her tie so it didn't cover up her cleavage was a bonus.

7. UB is a celebrity. A very, very, very small celeb. If there was a list of celebs from most recognized/important to least, UB would be right at the bottom...but still on the list.

8. UB and his buddy Dinj were the only ones who chose Miller High Life over Miller Lite. Gotta live that High Life...

9. Impossible as it may be to believe, Brittany is just as hot in person as she is in her cover spread. UB felt like Larry David talking to Hef's Girlfriends on Curb Your Enthusiasm. When UB ran out of questions for the gorgeous 21-year-old the topic of movies came up. Brittnay said she wanted to see Pan's Labyrinth because she liked magic. She was not impressed by UB's missing thumb trick.

10. Jerry Thornton can be my wing man any day of the week.