Random Thoughts

Former Fox Network hotties Mischa Barton and Mila Kunis have been out and about (and wet) recently, forcing UB to pose the question, which former star of a now canceled Fox show is hotter in these shots?

1. Mischa Barton:

2. Mila Kunis

And the winner is...

Megan Fox...Sorry, but you just can't win a Fox contest now-a-days with Megan hitting her stride. (Thx to Jason for the assist)

Holy shit, did our government really almost develop a "Gay Bomb" that would be dropped on enemy troops and make them become irresistible to each other, to the point where they couldn't stop having anal sex? The report says it was first presented in 1994, but was not approved. If this thing is really possible, how was the formula not created and leaked on the Internet, becoming a national phenomenon for fraternity pranks. How much would you pay for this thing to be dropped on Yankoff Stadium during the upcoming Yankoffs-Mets series?

Perhaps the most troubling thing about this plan was that they were going to be able to get close enough to enemy armies and all they wanted to do was drop a "Gay Bomb." If you are able to drop a bomb on your enemy, why not a fucking exploding bomb? How about one of those? Instead of worry about these guys becoming horny for man meat, why not blow their fucking heads off? Just a thought...

"Um, Alex...they haven't dropped the bomb yet..."

A very pregnant Bridget Moynahan shows off her multi-million dollar belly at some Disney fund-raiser, proving that Tom Brady is about to be come a father. She looks pretty good for a prego at this stage, though uncomfortable. You know she's farting up a storm and horrified by her leaking boobs. Little does that kid know the kind of lottery ticket he hit coming into this world...

Can you name the nipple that is covered by the Jockey's head? See if you're right here...

Maybe this ass shot will help...

As much reality TV as I'm willing to watch, I have to draw the line somewhere. And I draw the line at dating shows. It's like the television networks know they're losing their audience to the internet, downloads and On Demand, so they're pairing up nitwits guys and straw-for-brains chicks in an effort to breed a super race of people dumb enough to watch future seasons of "Deal or No Deal."

But next week NBC has a dating show debuting next week that shows real train wreck potential. At least enough to give it the Jerry Thornton One Episode Test. It's called "Age of Love" where they take one of the generic dickweed guys that all these shows have (this one happens to have a weird puppet look to him, like Gary Johnston from "Team America: World Police") and try to fix him up with women.

The twist on "AoL" though is the dude is about 30, and the contestants are all MILFs and cougars in their 40's. But wait! There's more! Before puppet boy starts culling the herd, they bring out a bunch of hotties in their 20's and the games begin. I have to admit, I like the sociological aspects of the idea. The warped, twisted sexual-political, sociological aspects. And the producers aren't making it easy on the guy. It's not like they've got Alexis Bledel on one side and Star Jones on the other; they make the choices tough. Some examples:

20s:

40s:

I don't think it's a slam dunk choice. I've got a thing for hot MILFs, but I once heard a great philosopher...I think it was Sylvester Stallone...say "I like young girls for the same reason people like puppies." Hard to argue with the logic.

Still, I think I'd lean strongly toward taking the cougars. Seriously. It's like this: No one, in spite of what they say, goes on these shows looking for a spouse. They go on to boink strange (in every sense of the word) women, period. If you're looking for a short term thing, you definitely go 40+. For the same reason if you're looking for a guy to win you the World Series next year, you go hard after Curt Schilling. But if you're thinking long term, you bring up Jon Lester. And no one goes on these shows looking any further in the future than tonight.

(On an unrelated note, Bret Michaels will have a dating show on VH1. I can't wait to see the challenges. Instead of "You and Bret will sip champagne on the Sienne...", they'll have "You're each being given a trailer hitch. If you can suck the chrome off...")

Courtesy of withleather, here's UFC fighter Chuck Liddell getting a lap dance from 2 chicks at PURE in Las Vegas, literally hours after he got his ass beaten by Reggie Jackson.

Kind of reminds me of the Barstool "Ceo's and Ho's Party" for some reason...

As far as PURE, I attempted to get in as part of a bachelor party the weekend before Liddell was there and like 95% of the dudes who tried that night, we were denied at the door. Even though we supposedly "reserved" bottle service well in advance, it didn't matter to the folks at Caesar's. Like Seinfeld said to the rental agent, "You know how to take the reservation; but you don't know how to hold the reservation."

Jokingly, I asked one of the bouncers amidst the sea of people waiting in line for no reason, "Who's in there, Cameron Diaz?" The man replied... "Yes."

Anyway, we abandoned the line after about 15 minutes of arguing and decided to split up. Good thing. I ended up at the $1-3 No Limit table next door and netted close to $700 if you subtract what I would've certainly dropped inside the club.

Still, it looks like a good time at PURE, especially if your name is The Ice Man...

From a game report of Sunday's Cubs-Braves game:

The game got off to a scrappy start. Cubs starter Ted Lilly was ejected in the first inning after hitting Edgar Renteria with a pitch, causing the benches and bullpens to empty.

Moments later, Renteria retaliated. He smacked Cubs second baseman Mike Fontenot in the face with his right hand while stealing second.

Predictably, Cubs fans everywhere are all in high dudgeon about this. Within hours, the Cubbies blogosphere exploded with indignant whining, name calling (one site called Edgar "a bush league punk) and demands that something be done about the vicious and uncontrollable Supervillain Renteria.

But for Sox fans, there can only be one reaction: "What the-?! Edgar Renteria? Our Edgar Renteria?" Is this the same guy who did the Thorazine Shuffle through an utterly forgettable '05 season? The guy who made Theo fall in love by batting his droopy, lifeless, disinterested bedroom eyes at him? Was there an alien abduction, or is this the same Edgar Renteria who last season told the world he was so much happier in Atlanta because he couldn't stand the pressure of playing in Boston...while the Braves were wallowing in last place?

I used to cringe when players in other cities used to say they didn't want to play in Boston. Now I wear such declarations like a Badge of Honor. Edgar, you know why there's so much pressure here? Because baseball matters here. We love the Sox and we want players who want to win as much as we do. We want guys who get it. Who love never seeing an empty seat in the ball park and seeing big throngs at their public appearances and crowds gathered around the players parking lot after every game. We want Roy Hobbs sitting in his hospital johnny choking up when he says "I just wish Dad was...God I love baseball."

I know you think you had it tough here. But you got off easy. You walked through your only season here like Randall P. McMurphy after the lobotomy and you got a scant smattering of boos. All it would've taken is one play...just one... like you delivered Sunday and we would've made you a folk hero. But you couldn't muster even that. Now you're doing it in Atlanta, for fans who barely give a shit. Maybe the Cubs fans are right. You are a punk.

BurlingtonFreePress.com - There will be no valedictorian when Burlington High School's Class of 2007 graduates Friday. Burlington is the first public high school in the area to ditch the valedictorian tradition and the public student ranking that goes with it. The school made the change to reduce competition among students.

Ordinarily I’d rip this story to shreds.  But I actually have no problem with it.  People from Vermont aren’t designed to compete against each other.  It’s just not in their blood.  I think it goes against the hippy code or something.  But the thing that scares me about this story is that I could see some nitwit superintendent from MA reading this story and thinking this is a good idea. No competition is fine and dandy in Maine and Vermont because those states don’t really count, but in MA we need to prepare our children to become the future captains of industry.   Competition and separating the weak from the strong is essential to the future of mankind.

Dlisted.com - Rihanna said that her mentor, Jay-Z, pre-screens dudes before they can date her ass. She said, "He's very protective. Jay has my best interests in mind. If it's a good guy I know Jay won't shut him down. But if he's not, Jay will be like, 'No, no, no.' "

Jay-Z is Rihanna’s mentor and decides who she gets to date?  Is there any doubt that he’ll tag her before this mentorship is all said and done?  After all, isn’t that the rule with male/female mentors?  I’m pretty sure you need to fuck before you can move into your next phase of your life.    Regardless, I really got to wake up and get my head in the game.  I should be the mentor to at least like 7 Barstool Girls by now.   Leave it to Jay-Z to teach me a life lesson.

As a side note, who is the best mentor of all time?  I think my vote has to go Kenny Bania.  It’s Gold Jerry Gold.

Okay I give.   What’s the deal with this new Sobe Coolatta from Dunkin Donuts?   Supposedly it gives you energy and helps you concentrate.    Hmm, that sounds allot like coffee to me.   I just asked the First Lady what’s in the Sobe Coolatta and after hesitating for a few seconds she muttered “energy” under her breath.  So I guess the entire First Family is confused by this drink.   Is it just one of those Sobe drinks that you see in CVS or something?     And how does the Sobe Coolatta stack up vs. my large iced coffee in terms of power?  Regardless if Dunkins keep adding shit like this to their drink menu I’m going to need to bring a flow chart with me before I make my order.   

Ichiro on playing in Cleveland last night…

"To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying."

Man that’s what I used to say every time I had to go to Gloucester for a road trip in high school.  By the way, can you imagine if an opposing player said this about Boston?   Yikes.

NEW YORK (AP) - A medical examiner blamed a 17-year-old track star's death on the use of too much anti-inflammatory muscle cream, the kind used to soothe aching legs after exercise. Arielle Newman, a cross-country runner at Notre Dame Academy on Staten Island, died after her body absorbed high levels of methyl salicylate, an anti-inflammatory found in sports creams such as Bengay and Icy Hot, the New York City medical examiner said Friday. The medical examiner's spokeswoman, Ellen Borakove, said the teen used "topical medication to excess." She said it was the first time that her office had reported a death from using a sports cream. In addition to spreading the muscle cream on her legs between track meets, Newman was using adhesive pads containing the anti-inflammatory, plus an unspecified third product containing the chemical, Borakove said. The products were used and the chemical absorbed over time, she said. Newman, who garnered numerous track awards, died April 3. She had gone to a party the night before, then returned home and spent hours talking with her mother.

Talk about a bizarre death. How could she stand putting that much Bengay type stuff on herself? In my experience, UB is scrubbing it off moments after "feeling the burn." Imagine if this was more common? Half of the male population would be wiped out from excessive rubbing of lotion between their legs...

Let us learn something from this...Take all muscle cream away from Allison Stokke before it happens again!

Much more here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com