Random Thoughts
Battle of the Fox Hotties
Former Fox Network hotties Mischa Barton and Mila Kunis have been out and about (and wet) recently, forcing UB to pose the question, which former star of a now canceled Fox show is hotter in these shots?
1. Mischa Barton:
2. Mila Kunis
And the winner is...
Megan Fox...Sorry, but you just can't win a Fox contest now-a-days with Megan hitting her stride. (Thx to Jason for the assist)
The Gay Bomb
Holy shit, did our government really almost develop a "Gay Bomb" that would be dropped on enemy troops and make them become irresistible to each other, to the point where they couldn't stop having anal sex? The report says it was first presented in 1994, but was not approved. If this thing is really possible, how was the formula not created and leaked on the Internet, becoming a national phenomenon for fraternity pranks. How much would you pay for this thing to be dropped on Yankoff Stadium during the upcoming Yankoffs-Mets series?
Perhaps the most troubling thing about this plan was that they were going to be able to get close enough to enemy armies and all they wanted to do was drop a "Gay Bomb." If you are able to drop a bomb on your enemy, why not a fucking exploding bomb? How about one of those? Instead of worry about these guys becoming horny for man meat, why not blow their fucking heads off? Just a thought...
"Um, Alex...they haven't dropped the bomb yet..."
Baby Brady is the real deal
A very pregnant Bridget Moynahan shows off her multi-million dollar belly at some Disney fund-raiser, proving that Tom Brady is about to be come a father. She looks pretty good for a prego at this stage, though uncomfortable. You know she's farting up a storm and horrified by her leaking boobs. Little does that kid know the kind of lottery ticket he hit coming into this world...
Name that Nipple
Can you name the nipple that is covered by the Jockey's head? See if you're right here...
Maybe this ass shot will help...
Chippies vs Cougars: a Reality TV Smackdown
As much reality TV as I'm willing to watch, I have to draw the line somewhere. And I draw the line at dating shows. It's like the television networks know they're losing their audience to the internet, downloads and On Demand, so they're pairing up nitwits guys and straw-for-brains chicks in an effort to breed a super race of people dumb enough to watch future seasons of "Deal or No Deal."
But next week NBC has a dating show debuting next week that shows real train wreck potential. At least enough to give it the Jerry Thornton One Episode Test. It's called "Age of Love" where they take one of the generic dickweed guys that all these shows have (this one happens to have a weird puppet look to him, like Gary Johnston from "Team America: World Police") and try to fix him up with women.
The twist on "AoL" though is the dude is about 30, and the contestants are all MILFs and cougars in their 40's. But wait! There's more! Before puppet boy starts culling the herd, they bring out a bunch of hotties in their 20's and the games begin. I have to admit, I like the sociological aspects of the idea. The warped, twisted sexual-political, sociological aspects. And the producers aren't making it easy on the guy. It's not like they've got Alexis Bledel on one side and Star Jones on the other; they make the choices tough. Some examples:
20s:
40s:
I don't think it's a slam dunk choice. I've got a thing for hot MILFs, but I once heard a great philosopher...I think it was Sylvester Stallone...say "I like young girls for the same reason people like puppies." Hard to argue with the logic.
Still, I think I'd lean strongly toward taking the cougars. Seriously. It's like this: No one, in spite of what they say, goes on these shows looking for a spouse. They go on to boink strange (in every sense of the word) women, period. If you're looking for a short term thing, you definitely go 40+. For the same reason if you're looking for a guy to win you the World Series next year, you go hard after Curt Schilling. But if you're thinking long term, you bring up Jon Lester. And no one goes on these shows looking any further in the future than tonight.
(On an unrelated note, Bret Michaels will have a dating show on VH1. I can't wait to see the challenges. Instead of "You and Bret will sip champagne on the Sienne...", they'll have "You're each being given a trailer hitch. If you can suck the chrome off...")
Boston Ron had better not be on this show!
I'd take the Cougers 7 days a week and twice on Sunday. I'm all about bouncy fun bags and some loose roast beef curtains...
Isn't this the one with the Greek Pro Tennis player, Mark Philapoosis (or however you spell it)?? That being said, I think the cougars would be more willing to take it in the pooper, so he'll choose them.
Couldn't agree more with Thornton. Horny cougars for the short term!
Good points Jerry. I think the Chippies are a lot hotter, better bodies, etc. But like you said, you're looking for ms. right for tonight and since that's the case i'd have to go with the cougars. They aren't bad looking, are in fairly good shape, and they aren't immature and inexperienced. They don't play games, take it in the ass, probably have out of this world blow job skills and are pretty much down with anything. the Chippies would just be a pain in the ass that night and maybe give you a hand job if you play your cards right.
The Blonde chippie is screaming to make a name for herself...and what better way then screwing a guy on TV? I'd go for the blondie chicken, b/c she'll experiment. The Cougars, I'd fall back on post-bar.
It's naughty time!
Allie has me convinced. Cougs it is.
A 40 year old would have to look like Pam Anderson for me to pick her over a standard hot 20-something. Long or short term. I'm 26 years old. Definitely a guy in his 30's is going to go with the girls in their 20's.
By the way, it was James Woods who said "When you go to buy a dog, you get a puppy right?"
i hear ya Paul and i'd pick the chippie in a heartbeat if she said "you can do whatever you want to me, tonight." however 9 times out of 10 it'll be the cougar who says that...not the chippie.
Just sayin...
Looks like Mark "Scud" Phillipoussis to me. He's going to fuck all these broads.
The James Woods comment is hilarious.
You're not buying the dog, you're just playing with it.
I'm not saying a 40 year old wouldn't be fun. I've done the whole older woman thing before. It's just that given the choice between a woman in her 20's versus a woman in her 40's, I'm going to go with the 20 year old every single time.
A 40something who's exhibitionistic enough to go on one of these shows has more issues than National Geographic. Whether that makes her a tiger in the sack I don't know; it's just as likely that you get her top off and she breaks down because she doesn't have a kid and wants one desperately but you're excited to score and run right through the third-base coach waving the stop sign... and then you're hoping the "Maury" paternity test comes up negative.
That comment took on a life of its own.
chippies any day of the week. if the point is ms right now a 30 year old is going to take an available chippie without thinking twice. he can get the number of any cougar on this show and take them down back home, but the chippies would not give him the time of day off camera.
And I also forgot to mention that the blonde is in a class by herself. Mercy.
Points all well taken. Thanks for making the day go by boys and girls. Time to go home...
http://www.nbc.com/Age_of_Love/bios/bio_megan.shtml
we have a winner
thats the point brick guy. if you picked the chippie and the show ends the cameras turn off, she'll just leave you hanging. she doesn't give a fuck about you, she's 20 and full of herself. the cougar, however, has come to realize over the years that she's nothing but a cock-hungry slam pig and acts accordingly...on and off camera.
You have to figure a 30-something year old guy can get a 40-something any day of the week. The odds of hooking up with a 20-year old are FAR less likely than hooking up with a 40-year old.
Megan is fucking ridiculous, I agree Brick. Holy shit.
i guess i'm not really explaining where i'm coming from well enough. if i'm the guy, i'm looking for the path of least resistance. i'm not trying to work my ass off for some pussy on TV. i'm looking for the girl who's the biggest whore and who is upfront about it. i'm thinking, more than likely, its going to be one of the cougars. of course it could be one of the 20something girls and if so, awesome, i'd love to hit it.
i get your point allie and you're right if he is making a choice on who to bring back with him once the show ends.
i was thinking more along the lines of who to try to bang during the show. if there was a chance of going back to the cabana one night with a drunk coug or a drunk chip, i would think he'd pick chip because he could prob bang all the cougs back home on his own time.
i do agree that there are definitely some smoking 40 year olds in that lineup though, except the ones with kids in their 20's.
From the blonde chick's bio: "Tessa enjoys being pretty and well kept, but in the end, she knows that she is more than just a pretty face."
Dumber'n a sack a hammers.
The young chicks should be able to pull any guy they want; why are they on the show. Screams desperate to me.
The cougars are stamped desperate by their age.
Either way, take whichever one's crazy in a "you can bang me while hanging from the ceiling" kind of way.
Ok- so i'm 40 with 3 kids-14,10,8,- nice body, huge sex drive,can have multiple orgasms- am i a milf or a cougar?
and im very much married
Kat-Your neither a MILF or a cougar. You're a tease! lol. BTW your husbands lucky guy who should have his genitalia and tongue bronzed and put on your mantle!
It is Phillipoussis, and he's Australian not greek.
Oh and also he's to be referred to as the 'Big poo'.
Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745).
June 25, 1745
My dear Friend,
[snipped] But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:
i. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.
2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.
3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.
4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.
5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.
6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.
7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.
8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!
Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.
That makes me wanna go get my knobeth cleaned mightily.
Daisy Fuentes and Fran Drescher are on the show? SWEEEET!
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So This Is Why You Can't Get In To PURE...
Courtesy of withleather, here's UFC fighter Chuck Liddell getting a lap dance from 2 chicks at PURE in Las Vegas, literally hours after he got his ass beaten by Reggie Jackson.
Kind of reminds me of the Barstool "Ceo's and Ho's Party" for some reason...
As far as PURE, I attempted to get in as part of a bachelor party the weekend before Liddell was there and like 95% of the dudes who tried that night, we were denied at the door. Even though we supposedly "reserved" bottle service well in advance, it didn't matter to the folks at Caesar's. Like Seinfeld said to the rental agent, "You know how to take the reservation; but you don't know how to hold the reservation."
Jokingly, I asked one of the bouncers amidst the sea of people waiting in line for no reason, "Who's in there, Cameron Diaz?" The man replied... "Yes."
Anyway, we abandoned the line after about 15 minutes of arguing and decided to split up. Good thing. I ended up at the $1-3 No Limit table next door and netted close to $700 if you subtract what I would've certainly dropped inside the club.
Still, it looks like a good time at PURE, especially if your name is The Ice Man...
Renteria Finally Makes a Play
From a game report of Sunday's Cubs-Braves game:
The game got off to a scrappy start. Cubs starter Ted Lilly was ejected in the first inning after hitting Edgar Renteria with a pitch, causing the benches and bullpens to empty.
Moments later, Renteria retaliated. He smacked Cubs second baseman Mike Fontenot in the face with his right hand while stealing second.
Predictably, Cubs fans everywhere are all in high dudgeon about this. Within hours, the Cubbies blogosphere exploded with indignant whining, name calling (one site called Edgar "a bush league punk) and demands that something be done about the vicious and uncontrollable Supervillain Renteria.
But for Sox fans, there can only be one reaction: "What the-?! Edgar Renteria? Our Edgar Renteria?" Is this the same guy who did the Thorazine Shuffle through an utterly forgettable '05 season? The guy who made Theo fall in love by batting his droopy, lifeless, disinterested bedroom eyes at him? Was there an alien abduction, or is this the same Edgar Renteria who last season told the world he was so much happier in Atlanta because he couldn't stand the pressure of playing in Boston...while the Braves were wallowing in last place?
I used to cringe when players in other cities used to say they didn't want to play in Boston. Now I wear such declarations like a Badge of Honor. Edgar, you know why there's so much pressure here? Because baseball matters here. We love the Sox and we want players who want to win as much as we do. We want guys who get it. Who love never seeing an empty seat in the ball park and seeing big throngs at their public appearances and crowds gathered around the players parking lot after every game. We want Roy Hobbs sitting in his hospital johnny choking up when he says "I just wish Dad was...God I love baseball."
I know you think you had it tough here. But you got off easy. You walked through your only season here like Randall P. McMurphy after the lobotomy and you got a scant smattering of boos. All it would've taken is one play...just one... like you delivered Sunday and we would've made you a folk hero. But you couldn't muster even that. Now you're doing it in Atlanta, for fans who barely give a shit. Maybe the Cubs fans are right. You are a punk.
Vermont is Getting Rid Of Competition
BurlingtonFreePress.com - There will be no valedictorian when Burlington High School's Class of 2007 graduates Friday. Burlington is the first public high school in the area to ditch the valedictorian tradition and the public student ranking that goes with it. The school made the change to reduce competition among students.
Ordinarily I’d rip this story to shreds. But I actually have no problem with it. People from Vermont aren’t designed to compete against each other. It’s just not in their blood. I think it goes against the hippy code or something. But the thing that scares me about this story is that I could see some nitwit superintendent from MA reading this story and thinking this is a good idea. No competition is fine and dandy in Maine and Vermont because those states don’t really count, but in MA we need to prepare our children to become the future captains of industry. Competition and separating the weak from the strong is essential to the future of mankind.
Jay-Z is Rihanna's Mentor
Dlisted.com - Rihanna said that her mentor, Jay-Z, pre-screens dudes before they can date her ass. She said, "He's very protective. Jay has my best interests in mind. If it's a good guy I know Jay won't shut him down. But if he's not, Jay will be like, 'No, no, no.' "
Jay-Z is Rihanna’s mentor and decides who she gets to date? Is there any doubt that he’ll tag her before this mentorship is all said and done? After all, isn’t that the rule with male/female mentors? I’m pretty sure you need to fuck before you can move into your next phase of your life. Regardless, I really got to wake up and get my head in the game. I should be the mentor to at least like 7 Barstool Girls by now. Leave it to Jay-Z to teach me a life lesson.
As a side note, who is the best mentor of all time? I think my vote has to go Kenny Bania. It’s Gold Jerry Gold.
What's the Deal With Dunkin Donuts Sobe Coolatta?
Okay I give. What’s the deal with this new Sobe Coolatta from Dunkin Donuts? Supposedly it gives you energy and helps you concentrate. Hmm, that sounds allot like coffee to me. I just asked the First Lady what’s in the Sobe Coolatta and after hesitating for a few seconds she muttered “energy” under her breath. So I guess the entire First Family is confused by this drink. Is it just one of those Sobe drinks that you see in CVS or something? And how does the Sobe Coolatta stack up vs. my large iced coffee in terms of power? Regardless if Dunkins keep adding shit like this to their drink menu I’m going to need to bring a flow chart with me before I make my order.
Quote of the Day
Ichiro on playing in Cleveland last night…
"To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying."
Man that’s what I used to say every time I had to go to Gloucester for a road trip in high school. By the way, can you imagine if an opposing player said this about Boston? Yikes.
Bengay kills track star
NEW YORK (AP) - A medical examiner blamed a 17-year-old track star's death on the use of too much anti-inflammatory muscle cream, the kind used to soothe aching legs after exercise. Arielle Newman, a cross-country runner at Notre Dame Academy on Staten Island, died after her body absorbed high levels of methyl salicylate, an anti-inflammatory found in sports creams such as Bengay and Icy Hot, the New York City medical examiner said Friday. The medical examiner's spokeswoman, Ellen Borakove, said the teen used "topical medication to excess." She said it was the first time that her office had reported a death from using a sports cream. In addition to spreading the muscle cream on her legs between track meets, Newman was using adhesive pads containing the anti-inflammatory, plus an unspecified third product containing the chemical, Borakove said. The products were used and the chemical absorbed over time, she said. Newman, who garnered numerous track awards, died April 3. She had gone to a party the night before, then returned home and spent hours talking with her mother.
Talk about a bizarre death. How could she stand putting that much Bengay type stuff on herself? In my experience, UB is scrubbing it off moments after "feeling the burn." Imagine if this was more common? Half of the male population would be wiped out from excessive rubbing of lotion between their legs...
Let us learn something from this...Take all muscle cream away from Allison Stokke before it happens again!
The Chippies beat the Cougars by a long shot. Those Cougars gotta have some stretch marks,sagging boobs. No contest.
Chippies rule!