Random Thoughts

The very idea that uber-supermodels Heidi Klum and Marisa Miller are together on the same planet is ridiculous, but putting them next to one another as they try and sell some new Victoria Secret bra, is literally reason for proof of God.

So if someone put a knife to your junk and made you choose one over the other, which would you take? Just doing this post has twisted UB's brain (and other decision making parts) into a pretzel. How can you chose over the two hottest models of all time? Here's the way UB breaks it down:

Heidi Klum:

Before you go bidding on Ebay for that pillow pressed up against her (in the words of Burgess Meredith in Grumpy Old Men) Coitus Uninterruptus, don't forget that that holy of holies is the home base for Seal's bishop. Now, while the idea that she would even look at a guy as ugly as Seal should make UB horny, I MEAN WISTFUL, it doesn't bring into question her decision making. The fact that she had the guy's kid and snapped back into shape like a rubber-band, does help though.

Marisa Miller:

Marisa hasn't done much better in the guy department. She's married to some douchebag surfing promoter, but so far no kids. Marisa is younger, at 28 to Heidi's 34, but you gotta believe neither of these girls is gonna look bad as they get older.

The Verdict:

By percentage points the winner is Heidi. Throwing out the mistake of marrying Seal, her career has just been bigger than Marisa to this point and her face is just a little hotter. There really is no wrong answer here, just a lot of happy Stoolies...

Boston.com NEW YORK -- Roger Clemens was booed off the mound Thursday after he allowed eight runs and nine hits in the second inning of the Yankees' game against the Chicago White Sox.

Somewhere in a dark cubicle, Pete Manzo weeps. As a sidenote the total on how long it takes until Roger Clemens declares that he is injured is 48 minutes and counting. I got the under.

Hollywoodgossip.com - Yesterday, we brought you photos of Lauren Conrad and her new mystery man and asked for help in identifying this tall, handsome devil. A couple of you think you have done it. Rumor has it that Lauren’s newest “accessory” is Josh McRoberts, a former Duke basketball standout chosen by the Portland Trail Blazers with the 37th pick in the 2007 NBA Draft. So far, photo evidence that Josh McRoberts is the fellow seen with LC is inconclusive. See the pictures below, of him playing Georgia Tech… and playing the field with our girl in L.A…

There is a rumor floating around the web right now that Josh McRoberts is dating LC from the Hills.   Somebody sent me this link last night and I just kind of ignored it because I didn’t think the guy looked like McRoberts.  And more importantly I don’t think he’s LC’s type.  But I guess the truth isn’t important when it comes to Internet gossip.      Anyway I’m going to leave it to the Stoolies to decide.   Is this Josh McRoberts or not?      I say no.

North Pole, Russia -- Russia today planted a flag on the North Pole's seabed in an attempt to declare sovereignty of the unclaimed land.

The mission is considered to be largely symbolic, as no one country has claim to the North Pole. Yet four nations beside Russia have economic zones that extend into the Arctic Circle - the United States, Canada, Denmark and Norway. They are largely dubious about Russia's claim to the land, and see the flag-planting as propaganda more than any serious claim to the seabed.

"We take that with a smile," said the head of legal services at the Danish ministry of foreign affairs, Peter Taksoe-Jensen. "The fact that the Russians have chosen to dump a flag in the area of the North Pole has no implications on their claim."

Well here we go again...  While everyone else is playing checkers, the Russians are cheating at playing checkers.  Tremendous move by the cagey, wannabe dictator - Vladimir Putin.  It’s like calling “shotgun”. Putin knows that once you plant your country’s flag in a previously unclaimed block of ice, there’s really nothing anybody else can do short of fight you for it.  And therein lies the genius.  Who’s going to fight you for the North Pole? 

Listen, these Scandinavian countries who are whining about it like Norway and Denmark need to stop bobsledding for a hundredth of a second and take a course in International Politics 101.  Planting the flag = ownership of land.  Plain and simple.  By law, if El Presidente planted the Barstool Flag on the infield of Suffolk Downs these Indians could be paying him $100 mil a year instead of Mayor Menino.  Then could we ask for a raise? Probably not.

I like Bob Ryan.  I really do.  But his new show on NESN “The Globe 10.0” is arguably the worst show on television right now.   Cleary this is supposed to be some knock off on PTI.  The only problem is that Bob Ryan sucks when he’s on PTI to begin with.   There is nobody at NESN who really thinks this show is good right?   I wonder if The Globe pays for the airtime much like I did for the Barstool Radio Hour.    In other words NESN could care less whether the show is good or not because The Globe is paying for it.   Anyway, I’m always curious what the talent guys are looking for at places like ESPN radio and NESN.   I’m convinced that a Barstool Sports Radio Show or TV show would be a huge hit in this town.   Or at least it would be much better than 99% of the crap that is out there right now.  Yes I’m talking to you Sox Appeal.   But no other media outlets take us seriously despite the fact we have a strangle hold on the 21-35 year male demographic in Boston.  It’s kind of weird when you really think about it.  I mean if I was a producer looking to make a splash, I’d be calling me up right now to at least see what we can do.    Instead they keep recycling the same trash like “The Globe 10.

P.S. – At least Greg Dickerson is reading.  After I said the Garnett trade was probably the best day of his life he shot me an email basically confirming this fact.  And he is also now probably my favorite TV personality in Boston.  It’s real easy to win my heart.  Just acknowledge that we exist and I’m in your camp forever.  Here’s the email.  It just proves everybody is reading even if they won’t admit it.

 Yes, yesterday was pretty much the best day of my life (much to the
chagrin of my wife) I just hope that yesterdays events wont change the
fact that I am a regular punching bag for people...I'm used to it by now,
and I think in some sick way I actually enjoy it...my wife abuses me, so
why shouldnt everyone else!...be well

greg

VS.

I don't even think you can compare the two rap songs. East Coast in a blowout....

Somebody sent me this link claiming that the middle chick was the hottest chick he’d ever seen in his life.   I’m not buying it, but if you're going to make an outrageous claim like that, I figured it was worth posting her picture.  While she's clearly a smoke show, I think she seems better than she really is because of the two girls standing on either side of her. It's the oldest trick in the book. I mean if she's standing next to Whitney, the Bruins rink girl, she probably looks like chop liver. Anyway rank the Flyers girl in the middle.

EAST POINT, Georgia (AP) -- The owner of a car dealership has been accused of killing two employees because they kept asking for pay raises. Milinavicius, who was having financial problems, told police he shot the two Thursday after they kept asking for more pay, said police in East Point, which is just outside Atlanta.

I know we have thousands and thousands of people reading Barstool Sports nowadays.   But this blog is really just for UB, Manzo, Jerry, Kati and whoever else works for the Stool.    Now I’m not saying you can’t ask me for a pay raise from zero, but if you ask me more than once I may follow Mr. Milinavicius’s lead and shoot you.   After all the precedent has been set.    This is how salary discrepancies are handled in Lithuania and in Abington.   Ask me for a raise once?  Fine.   Ask me twice.   Boom, you’re dead.

USA Today.com GREELEY, Colo. (AP) — The backup punter accused of stabbing a teammate to take over the starting job was obsessed with meeting his mother's expectations and "being a big man on campus," prosecutors said in opening statements Tuesday.

It seems like just yesterday when we first heard about this saga.   The classic tale of the back up punter trying to earn his mother’s love by stabbing the starting punter in the leg and taking his job.  It’s a story as old as time itself.   But this time it has a modern twist on it.   Not only was the back up punter fighting for his mother’s approval but he was also trying to become “a big man on campus” in the process.     It’s like Romeo and Juliet meeting the Matrix.      My only question is does being the starting punter on the football team make you a BMOC?    I’m leaning towards no.  Will this kid’s mom love him more?  Absolutely.    But again I don’t think you’re nailing the head cheerleader just because you’re the punter.  Yeah, you’ll get some ugly broads who want to party, but big man on campus?   No way.   I think being the starting punter ranks right behind the treasurer of the local fraternity.

So I was driving through South Station the other day, minding my own business when a WB Mason truck pulled up besides me.   Anyway I couldn’t help but notice the back of the truck had a Yankees logo on it with the words “Official Office Supplier”    What the hell is this all about?   Since when did WB Mason start working for the Yankees?   I felt like I needed to take a cold shower after I saw this.    Listen I have no problem with companies going National and advertising in different cities and sponsoring different teams and shit like that.  But I feel like WB Mason really tries to play the local card and makes it seem like they are all about the Red Sox and nobody else.  Apparently it’s all a bunch of bullshit.   I don’t care whether their headquarters are in Brockton or Beirut.  The    second you start putting Yankees logos on your trucks you lose the hometown discount.    You don’t see Giant Glass rolling around with Yankee logos on their trucks do you?    From this day forward I pledge never to buy another piece of office furniture for the Stool from WB Mason.   Of course I have no office furniture to begin with, but that’s a different story for a different day.

For those who missed Kevin Garnett's throwing out the first pitch last night at Fenway here it is. Not a bad toss (Hobbs would have taken THAT pitch out of the park), but he wasn't really trying to throw heat. He did get it over the plate, however, which is more than we can say for other Celtics who have toed the rubber at the old ball park. The Big Ticket was asked after the game about comments that Danny Ainge made during the press conference that Garnett was a big Sox fan who had a big Sox hat collection. Garnett said that it was all because he liked the "B" on front. "I wish my name started with 'B'," the smiling Celtics star proclaimed...

If somebody told me this was a real commercial, I probably would have believed them.  I wouldn’t put it past the Brits to have Gatorade with Viagra in it.  They’re fucking crazy over there.   Regardless there is nothing worse than taking pipe to the face when somebody dunks on you.  I’d rather have a midget throw it down in my face than a guy with an erection.

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