The very idea that uber-supermodels Heidi Klum and Marisa Miller are together on the same planet is ridiculous, but putting them next to one another as they try and sell some new Victoria Secret bra, is literally reason for proof of God.

So if someone put a knife to your junk and made you choose one over the other, which would you take? Just doing this post has twisted UB's brain (and other decision making parts) into a pretzel. How can you chose over the two hottest models of all time? Here's the way UB breaks it down:

Heidi Klum:

Before you go bidding on Ebay for that pillow pressed up against her (in the words of Burgess Meredith in Grumpy Old Men) Coitus Uninterruptus, don't forget that that holy of holies is the home base for Seal's bishop. Now, while the idea that she would even look at a guy as ugly as Seal should make UB horny, I MEAN WISTFUL, it doesn't bring into question her decision making. The fact that she had the guy's kid and snapped back into shape like a rubber-band, does help though.

Marisa Miller:

Marisa hasn't done much better in the guy department. She's married to some douchebag surfing promoter, but so far no kids. Marisa is younger, at 28 to Heidi's 34, but you gotta believe neither of these girls is gonna look bad as they get older.

The Verdict:

By percentage points the winner is Heidi. Throwing out the mistake of marrying Seal, her career has just been bigger than Marisa to this point and her face is just a little hotter. There really is no wrong answer here, just a lot of happy Stoolies...