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I think this website might've exploded if we didn't make a pick on NFL Opening Night. Obviously 8:30 kickoff - Saints +6 at Colts. Now truthfully I don't like this game as far as picking a winner, so I'm not going to. Instead I'm taking one of the most frustrating bets ever invented - the Under. Confidence is high though, the number is 53 tonight and everybody knows early season NFL the defense is usually one step ahead of the offense. That lasts for about 3 weeks until the fantasy scoreboards (and regular scoreboards) start lighting up.

I also found some meaningless statistics which back up my point -- #1, the Under is 7-3-1 in Indy's last 11 games in Week 1, and #2, the Under is 11-5 in Indy's last 16 games on Turf. So that's the official lock for tonight. Don't care who wins, just don't score 54.

The pick: Under 53

Rose McGowan turns 33 today. I love this chick. Though I have to admit she's a bit of a Changeling. A Snowflake; every picture you see of her looks nothing like the others. She's changed her weight, her hair color, and thank the good Lord, the guys she dates. But somehow she always looks great. It's also the birthday of Barstool's only girl writer, the effervescent Kati Cawley. Maybe there's something to this astrology nonsense. Anyway, here's a photo gallery that attempts to categorize the many looks of Ms. McGowan.

Here is the big question.  Would this lady have won the coveted Baltimore Dancehall Queen Competition Crown had she landed the dreaded triple axle flip into the back wall?   I got to believe the answer is yes.  After all, in all my years of watching dance hall competitions I’ve never seen anybody stick this jump.    Especially not after nailing the "dog pissing on the hydrant” move earlier in the set.   Yeah, I think it’s safe to say the crown was hers if she pulled it off.  Such a shame.   I guess sometimes you got to take big risks to get big rewards.  In any event, ABC Wide World of Sports should start using this video in their Agony of Defeat montage.

Today is Rosie Perez's 43rd birthday and no one, not even the Fly Girls, cares. I'm 90% sure that Rosie Perez is still alive but I'm not willing to put money on it. She could have died last year and IMDB and Wikipedia may have just not bothered to update her info.

Rosie Perez changed the way I thought about race relations in America. After I saw Do The Right Thing, I decided to never let some as insignificant as race stop me from hooking up with a hot Puerto Rican chick with Rosie-like nipples and busting out the ice cubes.

Dead or alive, Rosie Perez has some awesome nipples (well, not so much dead because decomposing nipples aren't nearly as sexy as alive nipples). In her honor, I'm declaring today Rosie Perez Nipple Day. Click here for more of Rosie and some other top celebrity nipples including Posh Spice, Farrah Fawcett and Jennifer Aniston.

Bounty News - Although the father was present at baby John's birth, he is reported to have left the hospital shortly afterwards in tears and Moynahan has apparently declared she wants to cut Brady out of her and her baby's lives.

What?   Is this true?  Who the fuck is Bridget Moynahan to make Tom Brady cry?  This can’t be true.  No freaking way.   This is what gives blogging a bad name.  People just start crazy rumors and next thing you know everybody is buzzing about something that isn’t true.   Let me tell you this.  Bridget Moynahan couldn’t make Tom Brady cry on her best day.   The only time Brady ever cries is if by some fluke the Pats somehow get eliminated in the Playoffs.   That’s it.  And maybe at the end of Million Dollar Baby because everybody cries at the end of that.  But that’s totally it.  So they can just cut the shit with this Brady crying routine.  They probably got it confused with Gisele squealing when Brady was putting it on her.  It’s an honest mistake.  It can happen to anybody.   Brady crying?  Please.

Freakin' Maid at Barstool HQ spilled a soda on UB's computer...

Much more of Kate here...

If Darko Milicic is about anything, he's about preserving the integrity of the game. That's a well known fact. He has no time for players or officials that disrespect the game he loves. And he's so serious about people "playing the game the right way" that he is committed to murdering anyone whose actions sully the game.

Sure, but who wouldn't murder someone that brought disrepute to the game? That's the bare minimum. But Darko's whole life has been about giving 110% so he's not going to be satisfied with murdering someone, he's going to go above and beyond and rape the dead guy's daughter, mother or wife.

That's the sort of hustle that earns someone a Tommy Point!

Darko's murderous rage- as featured in the video- apparently surfaced after Serbia lost a game to Greece in some basketball game that no one other than Serbs and Greeks gave a shit about. He wasn't happy with the refs and decided to vent...about murdering the refs and raping their daughters. I mean, who hasn't vented about murdering a coworker and raping his daughter? Different day, same determination to rape my murdered coworker's daughter.

Here's the translation as best I could tell. I'm not Serbian but someone on YouTube is pretending to be and that's enough for me.

"I'm going to kill the referees wherever I find them. They can go fuck themselves. If they have a daughter, I'll find her and I will fuck her...I will fuck them...whatever she has or doesn't have. I will fuck them...the mother, I'll fuck them...in the mouth, I'll fuck..."

Just as long as he doesn't try to defend Michael Vick.

-saw this story on our messageboard first but WithLeather.com has this and probably some other places but I'm too lazy too look and really don't care

Sorry for the slow morning on the blog. El Pres is at a photo shoot for our next cover. And no matter how much you beg me I'm not going to tell you who it is. Although I will give you a small hint. It is directly related to this blog I wrote a couple weeks ago.

Does the kid bring it or does the kid bring it? As a side note, no more doubting the power of The Stool. Nobody is safe from our reach. We see a chick in the crowd and within 24 hours she's signed sealed and delivered to us on a silver platter. The Stool is bigger than US Steel. Yet I still can't sell advertising. Eventually people will learn. They always do.

ND coach Charlie Weis has announced that he's picking true Freshman Jimmy Clausen to start at QB for the Irish against Penn St. Saturday. In other words, the march toward the 2009 BCS Championship has begun.

Weis said he'd die before he used the word "rebuilding" this year. Fine. Instead we'll use "calling it a season," "throwing in the towel" or "living to fight another day." But in truth, the 2007 season was over before it began. By the time the Irish have played their 5th quarter of football, they'll have played their 3rd QB.

But without a doubt, this is the right move. Demetrius Jones had a half of football against Georgia Tech to earn the job, and he threw for 4 yards. F-O-U-R. Evan Sharpley had 92 in garbage time, but was sacked 7 times. The defense couldn't get off the field. The Irish intended to run the ball, but without Darius Walker (who left for the NFL a year early; nice move since he couldn't catch on with the Houston frickin' Texans), that was futile.

Might as well make the move now. Weis is wading through the worthless flotsam and jetsam of Ty Willingham's failed recruting efforts and he has to start going with his own guys sooner rather than later. Though I'm deeply disturbed by these pictures of Clausen. What is it with Notre Dame QB's posing for sexually ambiguous photos? Win something before you start pulling that nonsense. Tell me this one is photoshopped, I'm begging you:

(On a semi-related note, I was in Alaska early last month. My brothers and I visited a cathedral up in the woods along the water, where we went to spread our uncle's ashes. I was walking around in a Fightin' Irish hat and a Patriots sweatshirt when I was stopped by an old-timer who asked me if I was a fan of Charlie Weis. "Sure. The last book I read was his autobiography. Why?" "Because he's my godson." And I bump into the guy in the middle of Nowhere, AK. That's my brush with greatness for the year, right up there with El Pres meeting Larry Lucchino and Andre Tippett at the Sox game.)

Bronx, New York - The two-time MVP walked and popped out in his first two plate appearances against Jarrod Washburn. Then, with the Yankees trailing 2-1, Rodriguez hit a 3-2 fastball into Monument Park in left-center leading off the seventh. Pinch-hitter Jorge Posada's bases-loaded walk off Sean Green put the Yankees ahead, and New York padded the margin on Johnny Damon's run-scoring grounder, Melky Cabrera's RBI single and Derek Jeter's two-run double.

Rodriguez then drove a 2-1 pitch from Brandon Morrow into the left-field seats for a two-run homer. He rounded the bases, received congratulations in the dugout and emerged for his second curtain call of the inning.

Well since I hear Red Sox fans are obsessed now with Yankee Curtain Calls, I just wanted to pass along the historic news from last night. Not 1, but 2 curtain calls for Arod after 2 home runs in the 7th inning against the team the Yankees are battling with for the Wild Card. Now is this okay? Is this allowed? I would think so. Your 2007 A.L. MVP now has 48 HR's and 134 RBI's, and is probably the greatest hitter any of us have ever seen in our lives, except maybe Donnie Baseball in 1985...

And as a side note, future Cy Young winner/current Red Sox killer Joba Chamberlain picked up his first Major League win last night. The rookie right-hander pitched another scoreless inning, and for those keeping score at home, still hasn't surrendered a run in his Major League career.

Boston.com - A pair of freshmen at Northeastern University learned a tough lesson before classes even started this semester, when one of them allegedly leaned out the window of his dormitory and yelled something regrettable in earshot of plainclothes police officers. "If you're looking for weed, my roommate Ferrante has some for sale," Michael R. Emery yelled, according to a release issued today by the Suffolk district attorney's office. The sales pitch, made Sunday to a fellow student out a second-floor window at the Hemenway Street residence hall, got Emery, 18, and his roommate, Matthew J. Ferrante, 18, in a lot of trouble. After their room was searched and officers found a bevy of marijuana, smoking accessories and liquor, the pair was arrested, arraigned, and apparently thrown out of school.

Ah, if I’ve seen it once, I’ve seen it a million times.  These two freshman were young dumb and full of cum.   They thought they had the world on a string.   They blew into Northeastern like an Autumn Wind thinking they’d just take the E Line by storm.    It would be a scene right of Blow.   If people were high at Conor Larkin’s or Our House East, you’d know where they bought their weed from.   Sure it must have seemed so easy on paper.   But you just can’t teach experience.   And this is where these two guys failed.     You just don’t solicit new clients by yelling out your dorm window.   It’s rule #1 of the drug dealer rule book.  But when you’re young you think you’re invincible.  That the rules somehow don’t apply to you.   But they do.  And now a dream is dead and two promising careers in drug dealing have been snuffed out.   It’s a story as old as time itself and a great lesson for all the kids out there.     Sometimes patience really can be a virtue.

Hey SteveB...You like that photo? Hard to look at, huh? So let's see if UB can get this straight. You're calling me out? Is that it? You want to make a wager on the Season? Pats vs. Jets? Man you really are on the short bus aren't you.

First off, let me say, UB is happy you are back and making predictions. UB is a big fan of your YouTube posts, as you could tell from the attention you got on the Stool last season. Your predictions are always so easy to follow. They don't waste time with things like analysis, reasoning or common sense. And you could always count on them ending with "Jets win," normally with some strange score like 31-5. It was like watching the Bears Superfans last year. If god came down and took on the Jets, you'd take the Jets by a field goal. Oh, right...UB forgot. God is Eric Mangini. Or is it "Mangenius?" Are you kidding? He can't even act better than Belichick. At least Bill got some lines during his Rescue Me cameo.

So you wanted some free publicity by linking yourself to Barstool Sports and Uncle Buck, so you got it. Now make the bet and lets get to it. Pats 28-10, Moss has 2 TD receptions.