Random Thoughts

The chick all dolled up in the Red Sox outfit is Danielle Peck. AKA - Beckett's old girlfriend. AKA - the chick who is singing the national anthem tonight. This picture of her is still on her website which obviously means she still sweats Josh Beckett and still loves the Red Sox. Leave it to Cleveland to pick a Red Sox fan to sing the anthem at their own park. Morons.

P.S - You could have gotten great odds this morning on whether the Stool would have two Danielle Peck blogs in one day. It had to be like 500-1.

First of all I love how Sly names all his sequels now as the full name of the main character in the movie. Rocky Balboa...John Rambo....etc. It's beautiful. Anyway, If I was a bookmaker here is how set the totals for John Rambo.

Total Deaths - 4,643

Chokeouts - 14

Rattlesnake Appearances - 6

Knife Deaths - 21

Torture Sessions - 11

Good Weather Battle Scenes - 1

Nightmares - 9

Limbs Blown Off- 32

So this is the dude that Lindsey Lohan is fucking now?   Are you shitting me?Look at this clown!   What a waste.  Apparently Lohan met this kid at rehab where he told her that he was a snowboarder and the rest is history.    Snowboarder my ass.    That’s not even a real job.    What he didn’t tell Lohan was that he was already engaged.   Although truth be told it probably didn’t matter because Lohan loves cock and could care less where it comes from.   I mean Lohan had to know this kid was a loser right?   She just doesn’t care.   She’ll take warm dick wherever she can find it.   She's like a cock addict. I wish I could bump into Lohan one night at a bar because I’m positive I bang her.   I mean if you’re going to fall for this douchebag at rehab there is no way she could resist the charm of a Multi International smut publisher.  No way.

As everybody knows today is Jean Claude Van Damne's 47th birthday. No idea what he's up to now, but as you'll see in this never-before-posted on The Stool video, the star of "Double Impact" certainly knows a thing or two on the dance floor. He also knows what to do when you get a little too "excited" on Spanish national TV. So Happy Birthday Jean Claude, wherever you are tonight, hopefully you're not wearing those pants.

Thanks to Biffslavin for the tip...

LEBANON, Tenn. -- Tennessee Bureau of Investigation agents on Tuesday arrested a former state trooper who resigned after a porn actress said she performed oral sex on him during a traffic stop.  The agents arrested James "Randy" Moss after a Wilson County grand jury indicted him on 10 charges related to his traffic stops. The charges include tampering with evidence, official misconduct and official oppression. The Tennessee Bureau of Investigation began investigating Moss in June after an adult film star, Barbie Cummings, posted an explicit video of the two on her Web site.  Though she received a speeding ticket, Moss is accused of ignoring some illegal pills in Cummings’ car in exchange for a sexual favor. Moss resigned in May after Cummings said she performed oral sex on him during the stop.

This guy is giving black mail and more importantly the real Randy Moss a bad name.  I mean Barbie Cummings blew this guy and he still gave her a speeding ticket?    What the fuck?  That’s some hard core shit right there.   I mean if a chick blows you than she should get a warning right?   Everybody knows that.  It’s just part of the blowjob social contract.   I can guarantee you that the real Randy Moss would have let this chick off scotch free in exchange for the blowjob.   That’s just that type of stand up guy he is.   

PS – I wonder if Barbie Cummings is the porn star’s real name?

SALEM - A City Council candidate faces assault charges after allegedly locking a man in a portable toilet, then knocking it over, in an effort to collect $28 he was owed, police said. Salem police Lt. Conrad Prosniewski said two patrolmen in a cruiser came upon a large crowd near Riley Plaza, a parking lot near the post office downtown, where the city has set up portable toilets for Halloween visitors.  People were pointing to the toilet and Sawicki, who was rocking the stall. Then he knocked it over.  Inside was a man who told police he was walking in the area when Sawicki approached him about the money. The man told him he needed a moment to use the portable toilet, then ducked inside. Sawicki attached a padlock, which he happened to be carrying, to the toilet door, locking the man inside, then tipped the unit over, police said.  The man was not injured, Prosniewski said, though he was covered with what the lieutenant politely described as "stuff."

As great as this story is, I think I’m going to have to call bullshit on it.  This sounds like a publicity stunt by the city council candidate.   I just refuse to believe that anybody walks around town with a padlock in their hand.  It’s just too obscure of an item to have readily available.    And who hides in a porta potty?    That has to be the worst hiding spot in the history of hiding spots.   Regardless it’s still hilarious.  And even if it was a publicity stunt, there is no amount of publicity that is worth getting “stuff” all over you for.   So fake or not, I’d vote this guy.

As the senior writer here at the 'Stool, (in terms of age, not in years of service) I feel like part of my role here is to serve as a guide to the rest of the Stoolies as they grow into maturity. I try to impart on them the benefit of my wisdom. Share with them the things I've learned through trial and error so that they get the most of themselves, and the most out of life. Look at me as a mentor; the Curt Schilling to your Josh Becketts.

Here's one thing I've learned: As you get into your 40s, there are two ways to go. You can age with dignity, or you can age like Hugh Grant. My advice is do it Grant's way. Being an aging drunken party boy in a dorm room surrounded by chicks any two of whose ages wouldn't add up to yours has been around the world while mature dignity is still putting its pants on.

I can't get enough of these pictures. Every time you look at them, you see something you missed before, like re-watching The Matrix trilogy. Take picture #2 here, when Hugh culls the cutest one out of the herd for this quiet, tender moment like they're not in the middle of a scrum of six other chicks getting drunk on Pinot Grigiot and the din of full volume Fergie. Or the look on the faces of the two down front as they air-kiss from a foot away and grind their elbows into the crotch of a movie star. You know at that exact moment, they realize their lives will never be this magical again. 

But my favorite is #3. It's Hugh as the Christopher Walken Headless Horseman from "Sleepy Hollow," right down to the filed down teeth. It doesn't matter that the chick he's staring at has the worst rack in the history of St. Andrew's U. He's reached a whole new level of consciousness. He's the middle of a manwich, and life is even better than it was when he was waking up with Liz Hurley.I've got my costume for the Barstool Halloween party. Ladies, my development is hereby under arrest.

I got sent the following Press release today;

Ok, so right now I'm sure you're asking, what the heck is that thing!!  It's the new LoveVoodoo Shot Machine!  Created by Tom, from Tommybuilt.  To make this shot machine Tom actually made his wife stand still, bent over for 3 hours while he made a cast of her nether regions!!  So this is an exact duplicate!!   How does it work?  Someone pours the shot into the funnel in the top of the machine, the shot flows through a bucket of ice, and comes out her bottom.  There is a waterfall, neon lights, strobe lights.... But it looks so much better in person- There is no way to describe it!! 

We'd love to tell you more about the shot machine and our events!!  And send you more pics!  Please contact us for an interview or to inquire about our events!!

Umm, call me crazy, but why would I want to drink shots from a chick’s asshole?   That’s gross right?  Or am I just prude?

Inside Track - That New England Patriot QB/QT Tom Brady [ stats] and galpal Gisele Bundchen had a little lovers’ quarrel at Extra Virgin restaurant in NYC. According to the ever-popular Gawker Stalker the splendiferous pair were fighting in front of the whole restaurant until Gi got up, stormed out and left Tom sitting there alone. As the Stalker put it, “Drama!”

Are you shitting me?  Gisele got up and left Brady sitting alone at the restaurant?    Nobody does that to Tom Brady!   Nobody! I mean did she watch the Cowboys game on Sunday?  Who the fuck does she think she is?   Gisele is so fucking replaceable it’s disgusting.  Supermodels grow on trees.   Good luck finding another 3 Time Superbowl Champion QB at the height of his powers.    Brady can snap his fingers and 10 supermodels will be fighting over each other to blow him.    Fuck Gisele.    It’s time for Brady to move on to his next conquest.  Hopefully he already impregnated her so he can move on without any regrets.   I thinking he should start banging Scarlet Johansson next.   I’m sure she’d be into it and a worthy slut for him.   Fuck Gisele.  You don’t get up from the table when Tom Brady is eating and expect to get away with it.

Cleveland Plain Dealer - Country music artist Danielle Peck will sing the national anthem and "God Bless America" at tonight's Indians game. She will not sing, "Stand by Your Man."  Peck, it turns out, dated Red Sox pitching ace Josh Beckett, who is starting tonight's do-or-die game against the Tribe and who handed them their only loss in the American League Championship Series. The Indians claim they had no idea of the love connection when they announced Tuesday that Peck would replace Taylor Swift as tonight's vocalist. "It's an incredible coincidence. Honestly," said Indians spokesman Bob DiBiasio. "This isn't another bug thing."

Coincidence my ass! The Indians are clearly playing for keeps.  This is diabolical.   They can’t beat Beckett fair and square so now they’re playing mind games with him.  Just ruthless.     If Beckett has a rough first inning we’ll know why.   I mean it’s impossible not to try and impress your ex girlfriend.     You know that in the back of his mind he’s thinking if he throws a shut out he’s definitely going to pull some ex girlfriend ass tonight.   I just hope he doesn’t press because of it.   And in all honestly MLB should step in and do something about this chick singing the national anthem.  It kind of ruins the integrity of the game.  Let's settle this thing on the field. Not with hot ex girlfriends waving their asses in our players faces.

CLEVELAND -- On a workout day, Manny Ramirez gave Boston fans a real reason to get worked up. With the Red Sox just one loss from elimination, the star slugger was asked about Game 5 of the AL championship series against Cleveland. Why should we panic?" he said Wednesday in a rare clubhouse interview. "We've got a great team." And then, this: "It doesn't happen, so who cares? There's always next year. It's not like it's the end of the world."

And this my friends is why Manny doesn’t talk to the media and shouldn’t talk to the media.   He’s got the brain of a two year old child.  And you wouldn’t put your two year old kid in front of the National Media and let him go wild.    I haven’t turned on WEEI this morning because it makes me puke, but I’m sure they’ll be talking about this all day long.    Let’s clear this up right away.    No Red Sox fan should care about this quote or be remotely surprised by it.   This is classic Manny being Manny.   I mean would you really expect him to say anything different?  Guess what? I don’t care that he doesn’t care.    I do care that he continues to mash the baseball.    I mean clearly Dustin Pedroia and Julio Lugo care, but that’s not helping us win any games.    As long as Manny continues to mash like he has done from Day 1 when he came to Boston he can do whatever the hell he wants to do and say whatever the hell he wants to say.  If he wants to celebrate a solo HR when the Sox are down 11-1 than so be it.    If he says he doesn’t care if the Sox lose tonight than so be it.   Bottom-line is he is playing great baseball and that’s all that matters.   And it's not like he says anything to be malicious or because he’s an asshole.   He’s just living in Manny World where nothing matters. He's kind of like Justin Bobby. He doesn't believe in stressful situations.

Much more Summer here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com