Random Thoughts

I’m sure this has been floating around the Internet forever, but I’d never seen it.    Hilarious.  This guy could have raped and pillaged an entire village, but once the cop grabbed his junk there is no way he was getting busted.  Thaaat's my penis. Because once you grab another man's ding dong it's time for everybody just to go their separate ways and pretend you never met.

Nuggets, Warriors, Lakers (twice – Fuck You Kobe), Kings (twice), Sonics, Jazz, Rockets, Grizzlies, Blazers, Wolves and now Mavericks. They’re all teams from the mighty Western conference that have been defeated by the Celtics. If my math is right, we are undefeated. Not sure how that’s possible considering all the hype about how much better the West is. (Yes, I realize we have yet to play the Suns, Spurs and Hornets. But at the least, I expect to split the series with those teams.)

Back to the Mavs. This was a great win for many reasons. First - no KG. Second, I love watching Ray Allen when he’s in the groove. He carried our asses in the first half. Third, Paul Pierce. He matched dirty Dirk with 22 second half points. (Although the TNT announcer nearly had an orgasm every time Dirk scored. Was I the only one who thought he was over-reacting?) Fourth – James Posey. What Posey did in this game, nail 3s and make key defensive stops in the final quarter, is what makes him so good. And finally, Rondo. He just kept attacking the hoop. And that rebound (one of 12 boards) and put-back which turned out to be the game-winner was spectacular.

Chuck - Red's Army

Introducing Valerie from Suffolk. Hmm, what can I say about Valerie? What to say? What to say? Nothing unusual that I can notice in her photos. Just a typical Suffolk student with typical measurements. Nothing that would stop traffic or anything like that.

As always keep the smokeshow nominations coming people. And if you're one the idiots who lives for criticizing these girls, the least you could do is submit somebody you think is worthy of being a Smokeshow. That's assuming you've ever talked to a girl before...Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click Here for More Pics of Valerie

Editor's Note - Every once in awhile there is an article published in our newspaper that I feel needs to be posted on the big board. I'm just afraid that sometimes the articles get lost in the suffle. Anyway, Manzo wrote one such article this week entitled People You Watch The Superbowl With. Now despite Manzo begging me not to repost it here it is anyways. Apparently Manzo thought it would be embarrassing like Arod taking 19 curtain calls during a game or something.

Now a few months back I wrote an article entitled “Guys You Watch the NFL With” and hopefully most football-watching dudes could relate.  There was “Conspiracy Guy” who for whatever reason always thinks the entire league is out to “get” his favorite team; there was “Horse Collar Guy” who thinks every fucking tackle is a horse collar, and there was “Go For It on 4th Down Guy” who wants the coach to go for it FAR too often on 4th down. 

There were a couple others I don’t remember, but right now we’re aiming at a far greater audience than just guys who watch the NFL.  This time we’re aiming for the entire population of humanity – women, children, trivia hosts, lesbians without cable, grandma, grandpa, pets, people convicted on judge shows, ALL of whom will be watching Super Bowl 42 between the Pats and the Giants, one week from Sunday on Fox.

“Prop Bet Guy” – Prop Bet Guy is a fucking riot.  Actually he’s completely insane.  After every play he’s either celebrating another win or pissed off at another heartbreaking loss.  It’s easy to spot Prop Bet Guy - he usually comes out firing.  It’s like he’s at the NFL Combines when he pulls out a stopwatch for the National Anthem, and then shortly thereafter he’s yelling “Tails!  Tails!” to try and even things out.  Remember, a lot of these prop bets do not JUST involve the game in front of you.  Sure there’s the standard individual player over/under type bets, but if Lawrence Tynes just nails a 52 yarder and some guy in a cold sweat asks “how many points did Kobe have today?”, just a hunch, he’s probably not a Lakers fan.

Click Here To Read Rest of Manzo's Article

(FROM AP) — After 17 years of production, The Montel Williams Show is coming to an end.

I've never heard or seen of this psychic before. But man does she suck. It's like she never went to psychic school or anything like that. I always thought it was just a given that psychics need to let people talk and talk and talk and ask lots of questions until they can make an educated guess as to what is going on. Sylvia is like fuck that shit. Bitch was shot! Funny stuff besides the dying part.

PS - Even though somebody sent me this clip I'm guessing they saw it on Dlisted because this exact blog was on there earlier today only it is funnier and better than anything I could ever write.

So today I was just given my numbers for this year’s Squares Pool here at work, and lo and behold, I get Patriots - 2, Giants - 7.  Hmm, now where I had heard those numbers before?  Ah, that’s right, how could I forget.  It was 15 years ago the last time I drew the numbers 2 and 7, and here is what happened…

It was January 31, 1993.  The theme song from “The Bodyguard” was topping the charts, Bill Clinton had just taken the Oath of Office, and Monica Lewinsky was still a pudgy little teenager with a sweet tooth and a dream.  I was a junior in high school outside New Haven, CT where I spent the majority of my time betting, and losing, on various NFL and college games and driving to and from local Jai Alai frontons in a beige, 1985 Ford Tempo. 

Clearly my winning percentage in sports, and in life for that matter, was hovering around 4 so naturally I had no reason to believe Super Bowl XXVII between the Cowboys and Bills would be any different.  Little did I know though, everything would change that day.  Without getting too dramatic, it was a game that would ultimately prove or disprove the very existence of God, and the battle between all things Good and Evil would be settled late in the 4^th quarter on this sunny, Sunday afternoon in Pasadena…

Click here for the rest of the story.

BOSTON -- Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter, the ranking Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, wants NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to face lawmakers, according to the New York Times. Specifically, Specter wants to know why the league destroyed video tapes related to "Spygate." He said the committee also wants to question the NFL about the league’s antitrust exemption in relation to its television contract. "That requires an explanation," Specter told the Times. "The NFL has a very preferred status in our country with their antitrust exemption. The American people are entitled to be sure about the integrity of the game. It’s analogous to the CIA destruction of tapes. Or any time you have records destroyed." He even raised the idea of calling members of the Patriots before the Judiciary Committee, but said he would take things one step at a time. Specter and the league have been in contact about the issue through December, but he said the NFL told him it wouldn't respond until after the Super Bowl. A lifelong Philadelphia Eagles fan, Specter said he was concerned about the integrity of sports.

The most impressive thing about the way Sen. Specter rolls is how he always stays on top of the most important issues of the day. Never lets a story get stale or old before taking action. Kudos, Senator. Are you fucking kidding me? Next up on the agenda, investigating the role of WWF referees in world title victory by Andre the Giant over Hulk Hogan in 1988.

The decision to make Ali Landry No. 1 on this list followed the idea of actually making this list by about a nanosecond. Her appearance in the Doritos commercial during Super Bowl XXXII in 1998 put her into the national consciousness in a way that even her Miss USA 1996 title never could. Immediately afterward she embedded herself into the groin of a horny, football-loving, snack food-gorging nation like a flaming arrow.

In the aftermath of that game, Ali got more attention than John Elway's first Super Bowl. The next morning, everyone was asking who that chick was who caught the 3-D nacho chips in her mouth. Within days she was a household name. Seemingly within weeks she's appeared in every guy's magazine from FHM to Stuff. Long after the football game was forgotten she was a staple of every online "Sexiest Women" list. Even Dexter Jackson or Deion Branch don't owe as much of their fame and fortune to Super Bowl success as Ali does.

And she owes it all to a simple marketing concept: Sex sells. You want to grab viewers attention? Forget the cute animals and wacky beer-induced hijinks. Give the people a hot chick and they'll stop and watch. And guys will buy your fattening, starchy offal because deep down they think that if they do, Ali Landry will be catching their salty 3-D snacks in her mouth.

For a picture gallery of our No. 1 Woman of the Super Bowl, click here...

And for the entire list:
No. 2 Candice Michelle...
No. 3 The Lingerie Bowl Girls...
No. 4 Ines Sainz...
No. 5 Jewel...
No. 6 Mariah Carey...
No. 7 Shania Twain...
No. 8 Cindy Crawford...
No. 9 Janet Jackson...
No. 10 the Miller Lite catfight girls...

First of all, I’m not proud to admit that I got a boner watching the Hawaii Chair infomercial.   Pathetic right?   Regardless this is 100% going to be the new office furniture for all employees at the Stool once we get an office.   And by all employees I mean chicks and chick interns.   The last thing I want to do is see Manzo gyrating around in the Hawaii Chair.  I’m not looking to have a reversal of fortune every time I go talk to him about his lack of blogging.   Also, the Hawaii Chair music is going to be piped in throughout the office to kind of set the mood.  I’m thinking it will be almost impossible not to have an orgy by the time 5pm rolls around every day.

I first ran this feature in the aftermath of Spygate when the whole world was getting on a waiting list for their chance to jump on the Patriots with metal cleats. But I figured all the jealousy, all the resentment and animosity toward their success would blow over and I'd run out of stuff to post. It's five months later and I'm not only still doing this, I'm discarding tons of material because there's not enough room to fit all the anti-Patriots sentiment out there. If there's a limit to the disdain people have for the Pats run to perfection, we haven't seen it yet:

The Giants are predicting victory:
"[Plaxico] Burress yesterday morning was asked by The Post a direct question: Are you ready to make history? 'You better believe it,' the towering Giants receiver said... Burress was asked for his prediction. Burress never hesitated, flatly stating '23-17.'" - NY Post

"History will be ours."- Micheal Strahan

"I'm not going to give you the score. We'll have more points than they do. That's my score." - Giants chairman Steve Tisch

"We know how good they are, but we also know what it takes to beat them."- Eli Manning

You're dead men walking:
"There's a reason each member of the Giants arrived in Phoenix wearing a black suit yesterday. They were dressed for a funeral. The deceased? The Patriots dynasty. Word out of New York today was that the players, in what was supposed to remain a private show of self-confidence, donned their funeral garb to signify the belief that the Patriots' perfect season will conclude with a most imperfect finish. The idea for the suits belonged to linebacker Antonio Pierce, who told the media it just represented the fact that the Giants were on a business trip."- John Tomase

Your QB sucks because his mind isn't on football:
"After watching Tom Brady's dismal performance in the AFC Championship, I think it's safe to conclude that Gisele is even tougher at home than Jessica on the road."- Mark Kriegel Fox Sports

Your LT is a cheap shot artist and it's payback time:
"I'm not quite sure that he thought he was going to see me again because of some of the things he did and said. . . . But you know, unfortunately, he does have to see me again...[on what Light was doing] Hitting after the delay and trying to . . . I don't know if he was trying to intimidate me. I don't know what he was trying to do. But he did a couple of things that he shouldn't have done, and you know, now we are really going to go at it."- Osi Umenyiora on HBO

Your RDE is a cheap shot artist. And a bitch:
"He's cheap and dirty and the head man just let him get away with it the whole time. They've got 10 great players on that team and when Jarvis Green comes on the field, they've got 11 great players who compete how you're supposed to play. But Richard Seymour is the biggest [b****] I've ever played." - San Diego Chargers LT Nick Hardwick

"Head slapping, foot stomping in the pile, running by and throwing punches in your back. He's a [b****]...There's a field goal where he was stomping feet. Who stomps feet? He plays like a punk." - Hardwick

But let's get this straight: Nick Hardwick is NOT a hypocrite:
"Everyone seems to think we're soft -- that we're Southern Cal boys and we're not going to play hard and we're soft and we're quitters. We're just as dirty, if not dirtier than anyone else in the league, so we like that."- Hardwick, in early December, after the Chargers played the Titans (Boston Herald)

So when the Chargers do it, it's OK. When you do it, it's "unnecessary." But Seymour won't be motivated by any of this anyway:
"The extracurricular stuff is just unnecessary. I mean, he does stuff way after the play. I said it, whatever, I'm moving on. I mean, it'll probably get brought up next year. What's he going to do, play harder?"- Hardwick, two days later during a radio interview

But Hardwick doesn't save his cheap shots for the field:
"It probably comes from his upbringing."- Hardwick talking about Seymour, whose father murdered his ex-girlfriend and then himself

The top football writer at the top sports publication in America is picking against you:
"And that's one of the reasons I like New York a week from Sunday. The ongoing confidence. The Giants are on the rise; the Patriots no longer wrap games up in the third quarter, as they used to. San Diego, with its collection of crippled stars, shoved them around for a while. New England isn't peaking right now. They look human, tough, to be sure, but beatable" -Dr. Z, Sports Illustrated.

More on your QB's mind being elsewhere. And your top WR had only 16 good games in him:
"I don't know where Moss has been for two weeks. Brady's interest seems to be elsewhere, mainly because Moss isn't getting free. It would be easy to say that for some reason Randy's losing interest, but it could be an offseason evaluation catching up to him, that the season has gotten too long and his body is starting to wear out. "- Dr. Z

The Giants represent all that is wholesome and good. You are the focus of evil in the universe:
"[T]the Giants go about their business in an open atmosphere, especially compared with the covert operations overseen by Belichick, who has put his usual Cold War mentality on display this week whenever Tom Brady and his right ankle are mentioned. No doubt, the Giants, like most every team, practice the art of gamesmanship when it comes to the free flow of injury information and Coughlin is fierce in protecting a competitive edge. The Giants, though, do not go out of their way to mislead or send the media and the public down a road clearly marked Dead End. He said MCL, no need to be cute about it,' said Pat Hanlon, the Giants vice president of communications."- Paul Schwartz, NY Post

In San Diego they know you're not that good:
"Thing is, even if New England wins, it's difficult for me to consider it the best team, although going unbeaten in this day and age easily could be considered the greatest accomplishment. That doesn't make it the best team, but people who don't know will insist. Accomplishments are wonderful, but... when you go to get in the all-time line, the Pats don't amount to a hill of beans in this world."- Nick Canepa, SD Union Tribune

You're just lucky is all:
"Look at these Patriots. They are a product of their coach, Bill Belichick, and quarterback Tom Brady, who they lucked into in the sixth round of the 2000 draft (when Chargers coach Mike Riley begged GM Bobby Beathard to take Brady, and Beathard refused)."- Canepa

And lastly don't forget, there's one angry, bitter, vindictive old coot in Arizona who'll be rooting against you, and a victory might kill the bastard:
"[If the Giants win] I'll be jumping up and down" - Don Shula

So if any Stoolies out in Glendale could get this into the Pats locker room, it would be much appreciated..

You may recall Christine from the Patrick Duffy vehicle "Step By Step"...

Much more Christine here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com