Random Thoughts

Hey Houston,

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Sincerely,

El Pres

NEW YORK — A businessman claims in a lawsuit that he was injured when a stripper giving him a lap dance swiveled and smacked him in the face with the heel of her shoe.

Stephen Chang, a securities trader, said in court papers filed Friday that he was at the Hot Lap Dance Club near Madison Square Garden and was getting a paid lap dance when the accident occurred early Nov. 2, 2007.

According to the lawsuit, as the dancer swung around, the heel of her shoe hit him in the eye, causing him "serious injuries."

A man who identified himself as the manager of the Hot Lap Dance Club said he was unaware of the accident or the state Supreme Court lawsuit. The club's lawyer, Stephen Ateshoglou, did not immediately return a call.

Well I think it was Vince Lombardi who once said, “live by the lap dance, die by the lap dance.”  Everybody knows you can’t go around getting lap dances and not expect a boot in the eye every now and again.  I mean it’s not like he got cold-cocked in the men’s room.  It’s a lap dance – “buyer beware” I say. Plus, what were the “serious injuries”?   The way I was raised - suing a stripper is like pickup basketball, it’s gotta be a pretty hard foul to call something.   Bottom line – go to a place called the Hot Lap Dance Club in midtown Manhattan and you gotta expect some rough stuff.   If you can’t take it, I’m sure there’s a Hooters down the street.

Bostonherald.com - A Taunton state representative wants to make Massachusetts the first state to declare driving under the influence of alcohol - even one green beer - flat out illegal. Rep. James Fagan’s legislation would slash the current .08 blood-alcohol limit recognized nationwide as the standard for being legally drunk to .02. Federal government research indicates a 160- to 240-pound man would register .02 sipping one glass of wine over the course of an hour. Though his cocktail of choice is a chocolate frappe with a strawberry ice cream chaser, Fagan, 60, who said he has represented “thousands” of accused drunken drivers at trial, is no teetotaller.

So let me get this straight.   James Fagan is not only a State Rep but he is also a criminal defense lawyer who defends drunk drivers?  And now he has proposed a new zero tolerance law which would create a billion more DUI arrests throughout the Commonwealth.  Hmm, why would he ever propose such a thing?   What could it be?  What could it be?   Oh wait.   Is it possibly because he’ll have more clients than he can shake a stick at and then he can put his fat ass kids through college?   Could that maybe be it?   Hey wake up Taunton!  Get this guy out of office already.    He makes fucking Jack Diamond look like Gandhi.   Only is MA baby!   And don’t tell me this guy’s cocktail of choice is a Chocolate Frappe either.  Yeah, he probably drinks those too, but he has town drunk written all over him.   Guy makes Lobel look sober. 

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Can you feel the excitement in the air?  Only 2 more days until the start of the tournament.  And only 3 days until our 4^th annual March Madness Party at the Place!   I can’t freaking wait.    Bookies beware!   Bud Light Beware!   Idiots who think they know half as much as me about college hoops beware!      I will be there from 12:30 till 12:30 just dominating the board.      We expect to see a full house of Stoolies so it should be fun.   Also, here is the official Barstool Sports brackets set up on Yahoo.    I think you need this info too to sign up.

We’ll probably give away some sort of prize to the winner, but I haven’t given it too much thought because I’ll probably win so it’s like giving a prize to myself.    See ya Friday.   Party is sponsored by Bud Light.

These pictures are from JoeSportsFan. I've given myself a headache from studying them all morning like an art historian looking over a painting to determine if it's an original da Vinci or something. And in my expert opinion, yes, this is a girl taking a leak in the bleachers at a Phillies game. At the very least she's popping a squat (note the undies still in her jeans around her knees in the photo on the left. I can't conclusively prove that's a wet spot on the right, but there's enough circumstantial evidence to determine it's piss. Logically, what other reason would she have for dropping trou if not to take a leak? Shame on the photographer by the way for not getting better pictures than this. Why not move right in? What's he worried about? Invading her privacy? She's peeing in the bleachers for heaven's sake. And double shame for not sending these to Barstool. I thought we were firmly established as the worldwide leader in girls peeing in public at sporting events. Still, I love this story because I'm a hopeless romantic and at the end, the chick gets a big "congratulations on your successful piss" hug from her boyfriend. It really is a triumph of love over adversity.

EDIT: Thanks to the comment section for figuring out this happened in Coors Field, and The List for finding the picture I'd missed. Now next time get these pictures to us before any other site gets them.

Reader Email: 

Gus Johnson has been assigned to Denver for the first two rounds of the tournament doing the following games: 

Notre Dame-George Mason

Washington St.-Winthrop

Michigan St.-Temple

Pittsburgh-Oral Roberts

He gets two 5-12 match-ups and a low scoring but should be close WSU-Winthrop game.  Hold on to your seats.

Only sad thing is Denver is a Thursday site game so no Gus during the party.

-cp 

Well obviously I know where CBS is sending Gus Johnson, thanks for the heads-up anyway.  Gus in the rarified mile-high air is something we’ve never seen before.  He literally might be on an IV by the end of these games. Completely not kidding. 

Anyway, the lower seeds could win each of those 4 games in Denver and I wouldn’t be surprised - especially George Mason.  Remember it was Gus who called their first 2 games in 2006 en route to the Final 4.   

I can almost hear it now… 

“McAlarney at the buzzer!!!  ……NO GOOD!  …UPSET CITY IN DENVER!”

(Producers rush oxygen to the court, Gus down for the count.  30 seconds of silence follows until an exhausted Gus closes out the telecast.)

“For Len Elmore....  I’m Gus Johnson…… and this.... is March Madness.”   

The Pick: George Mason +6.5

I cannot express how perfect last night's game was for the Celtics. 

In one 46 second stretch, we saw our two point guards on the floor at the same time, giving us huge contributions.  Sam Cassell showed us he still has balls the size of church bells.  And Rajon Rondo showed us he's right there with him by getting into the lane... stealing an offensive board... and drilling two free throws to really make it almost impossible for the Spurs to come back. 

Sam and Rajon combined for 37 points (17 and 20 respectively), while Rondo 6 boards, 3 assists and 3 steals to the cause.  One of those steals was a strip of Tim Duncan... which was followed by a sweet spin move to get clear of trouble and an assist to Paul Pierce for the dunk.  This road trip is being seen not only as a test for the Celtics... but as a test of Rajon Rondo as well.  He passed last night in a matchup against Tony Parker (who is really fucking fast).  Later on this trip, he's got Jason Kidd and the best PG on the planet right now: Chris Paul. 

After a move that some thought would shake the confidence of Rajon Rondo... a win that utilized them both last night was absolutely what the Celtics needed.  Rondo struggled early but shook it off...  Sam did was Sam was supposed to do... it was just perfect.

I don't want Paul Pierce's performance to be lost in all of this.  The C's were in danger of losing this for good in the 4th quarter... but Paul put the team on his back... went to the hoop... and forced the refs to blow their goddamned whistles (The C's were over the limit halfway through the 4th before Paul drew the first foul on the Spurs).  Paul carried this team at a critical time... and it deserves to be mentioned.

On to tonight's opponent:  The Houston Rockets... and the end of their 22 game winning streak.  This is the biggest game of the streak... because they can see it as a finals preview.  I have no doubt that they'll tighten up and go cold early.  Meanwhile, the Celtics are chomping at the bit to get at those guys.  I not only think this streak ends tonight... I think it ends with Brian Scalabrine on the floor jacking up meaningless threes.

John - RedsArmy.com

At first I thought this was just going to be another boring chick fight. But that was until I saw the cop holding people back from breaking it up. Thank God for our men in blue!

Bostonherald.com - Fed up with violent video games in the hands of children, Boston Mayor Thomas M. Menino wants to outlaw sales of the bloody games to minors, a controversial crackdown plan that’s already drawing the ire of teen players and the gaming industry. “Children aged 17 and under should not be sold this stuff, so they are not getting into the hands of 9- and 10-year-olds,” said Larry Mayes, Menino’s chief of human services. Menino’s bold move comes as Boston and Brockton are dealing with much bloodshed on city streets, with the Hub recording 13 murders so far this year. Brockton has seen four killings and scores of shootings. Most of the victims in both cities are teenagers.

So let me get this straight?  There has been a rash of violence in Boston lately and the Mayor’s answer to stop this crime spree is to ban violent video games from kids?  Brilliant!    Well I guess I should just be thankful that he didn’t decide to ban news racks instead.   Because when in doubt, Menino always falls back on one of three things.   Ban newsracks, ban video games or throw a parade.   

Somebody sent me a link yesterday to a piece on Lenny Dykstra from HBO Real Sports.  Apparently Lenny Dykstra is a Wall Street genius.   No seriously.  He’s a legit Wall Street wizard.    He has built a financial empire by trading stocks and buying carwashes.   He’s one of five guys in the world that Kramer from Mad Money will actually listen to when it comes to stock advice.    And unlike most Wall Street Traders, Dykstra has done it all without reading.   I’m not sure what else I can say except that if you haven’t seen this or heard about this it’s well worth the time.   Freaking Nails..   Who would have ever guessed it?   

Ah to be the wife of a sexually frustrated/confused political figure these days. In the red corner is Silda Spitzer. As if it's not bad enough that at 50 your husband is balling some 22-year old hooker, but you're also tied to perhaps the worst possible last name when linked to a sex scandal. In the Blue Corner is Dina Matos McGreevey, who is 16 years younger than Silda and accused of being the "meat" in a gay sandwich involving her husband and his "aide." Now normally based just on age Dina would get the nod here, but considering that she's into Dutch Door Dick action, it might be too tough to keep her entertained while going at it (though her stock would rise if a video of the DDP was released). So for now UB is going to have to go with Silda who clearly must have revenge sex on her mind. It would be tough for Dina to have revenge sex unless she decided to take on all the Republican delegates in a gang bang during the up coming convention.

Silda:

Dina

Wake Up with Charlotte is mainly just to get her off my to do list. Not that "to DO" list, but the one that comes from Stoolie requests. She's been on there for almost a year now and for one reason or another, UB has just been avoiding her. Mainly because she's like the British Britney. She can't sing worth shit and she seems to put on 15 new pounds every week. Lets face it, fat chicks are like Mopeds, sure they're fun, but you wouldn't want your friends to see you on one...

Much more Charlotte here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com

Man it’s so great to have the NBA back where it belongs.  Because let’s not mince words.  We own the NBA.  Sure San Antonio has had a nice run lately, but we invented this league.    And that’s 3 in a row against the Spurs by my count.   Now we get to go piss on this streak I’ve been hearing so much about in Houston tonight.  It’s great to be a Boston Celtic again!    And let me just say this to the rest of the country.   It took me almost a month and a half to get my swagger back after the Pats choked in the Superbowl.   But unlike every other shit city in this country you can’t keep Boston down for too long.  Most cities wait decades for a championship in any sport.   We wait a few months max.   And by the time we hang banner #17 from the rafters it will be like 18-1 thing never even happened.    So we didn’t get a parade in February.  Big deal.  We’ll take it in May and stick it in your eye.  I didn’t want to stand out in the cold anyway.

PS – We need to start selling a Celtics t-shirt.   Anybody have any ideas?  If we use it we’ll give you a free shirt, free hat and a meet and greet with Pete Manzo.