Random Thoughts

See you for Game 7...

SEATTLE -- A local lesbian couple says a peck on the lips nearly got the two of them tossed out of a Mariners game. The women said in an arena where even chanting and screaming are allowed, they were singled out by a security guard simply because they kissed each other.  Sirbrina Guerrero says she only gave her date a peck, but a mother sitting with her son complained to security and, as a result, they were told to stop or leave."And he (the security guard) goes 'there's a lady whose son says he saw you guys making out, and I did, too. And you have to stop.' And I said 'well, we weren't making out, but we were kissing and I'm not going to stop,'" said Guerrero. (The security guard said) the mom doesn't want to explain to the kids why two girls are kissing. So I said 'well, I'm not going to stop, so you'll have to kick me out. So he said 'so I suggest you leave then,"' she said.

Well this one is going to be short and sweet because it's as clear cut as it gets. Hot lesbians like Sirbrina Guerrero can make out in public as much as they want. Ugly ones can't. Case closed.

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - Amazon Indians from one of the world's last uncontacted tribes have been photographed from the air, with striking images released on Thursday showing them painted bright red and brandishing bows and arrows.

The photographs of the tribe near the border between Brazil and Peru are rare evidence that such groups exist. A Brazilian official involved in the expedition said many of them are in increasing danger from illegal logging.

Of more than 100 uncontacted tribes worldwide, more than half live in either Brazilor Peru, Survival International says. It says all are in grave danger of being forced off their land, killed and ravaged by new diseases.

Well 2 words came to mind when I saw pictures of the uncontacted, Amazon tribe - “Wrong Turn”.  Yes, as in the Eliza Dushku made for HBO3 movie when a group of friends take a (wait for it) “wrong turn” in the middle of the Appalachians. Anybody remember that movie?  No?  Anyway, what's the deal with the guy in gray? What is that their road jersey? Grab a fucking weapon dude. There's NPR helicopters overhead! And how long until MGM moves in and puts in a casino?  Oh, it’ll happen.  If 1000 years of history is any guide - whenever uncontested land, Indians and the white man are involved, you know slot machines and craps tables are just around the corner.

Free shirt to the security guard who nailed this guy if he comes forward and proves that it is him. Ordinarily this would be a free hat, but we sold out of them.

PS - I love how the security guard picks up the guys had and then tosses it at him while he's lying unconscious on the ground. Total "I just owned you" move.

- Thanks to Andrews for the tip

"The lawn ain't going to mow itself"

-thanks to Scott for the link

FRAMINGHAM (AP) ― Framingham police say a 13-year-old middle school student pulled a knife on his teacher in the classroom and demanded money so he could buy a video game.  The Fuller Middle School student is charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, possession of a knife and possession of a dangerous weapon.  Police Lt. Paul Shastany says the incident occurred around 10 a.m. on Tuesday at the end of the period.
 He says the male student stayed behind after the other students had left the classroom, pulled the 11-inch knife and asked for $20. After she refused, he lowered his demand to $1.  Shastany says the boy wanted to buy the video game "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" but his mother refused to give him the money, so he came up with an alternate plan that police say was in the works for two to three weeks.

So let me get this straight.   This kid was planning this crime for 2 -3 weeks? And this is the best he could do?  Are you fucking kidding me?   For starters how about waiting till the end of school instead of committing this crime at 10am when everybody is still around?  Second, what planet is he living on if he thinks 20 bucks is going to get him Grand Theft Auto.  It would have been a real shame if he successfully pulled this heist off only to go to Best Buy and find out he was still 40 bucks short.   Finally who lowers their demands from 20 bucks to 1 dollar?  That’s an insult to petty thieves everywhere.   At least jab at the teacher with the knife before you start negotiating.   I mean have some dignity would you? 

Click here for the answer...

First of all why would you ever box barefoot? The pros don't do it so why would you? You deserve to get knocked out for trying to pull a stunt like that. Especially when the other guy is going all Michael Cooper on your ass. But the more important question is whether this was a good knockout punch or whether this guy just has a glass jaw. I'm going with glass jaw. I mean that was the only thing that landed the entire fight and it made him snore. Until this guy can prove that he can take at least one shot I got to believe he just can't take a punch.

Vote 1 for good punch and 10 for glass jaw

VS.

Hot Girl Dancing to Battleflag

Now we had a bunch of good suggestions in the comments from Wednesday’s “Piece of Me” blog involving great strip club anthems, but today these two staples are squaring off in hopefully a new tradition at The Stool -- “Strip Club Anthem Friday”. 

In one contact booth we have Lo Fidelity All Stars (featuring Pigeonhed) “Battleflag”, and in the other it's the Joe Cocker classic from 9.5 Weeks “You Can Leave Your Hat On”.  Remember, try not to pay too much attention to the hot girl dancing in each video, we’re trying to determine the best Strip Club song here.  As it stands right now, I have to give the slight edge to Joe Cocker because as you’ll see, we have Carmen Electra in her prime stripping to his song where the best I could find for “Battleflag” was a random hot chick shaking her ass in her living room. No idea who she is or if she's legal.

Anyway, take a look at both videos, but more importantly, pay close attention to both songs and decide which you would rather get a lapdance to at a strip club.

Vote 1 for “Battleflag”, vote 10 for “You Can Leave Your Hat On”

Reader Email

Okay the following email chain was sent to me today.   Here is what is going on. Essentially the coach of a men’s rec league soccer team was none to happy with a recent loss and decided to take matters into his own hands.  The name of his team is MPS and they are in something called the Bay State Soccer League 

Email #1 (From Coach after his team (MPS) lost to Kendall)

Kendall 3 MPS 0

No Games Next Weekend.

Use the extra week to get in contact with friends on other teams that have roster openings. Three to five of you are going to be dropped from the roster. GM Locraft has been relieved of his player personal duties. From here on out, it will be a different attitude and level of responsibility that will be expected. You can't have it all. We have won the last (3) years because we take it a little more serious than the other teams and have a higher level of expectation. It was only a matter of time before we were found out this spring, and Kendall made it pretty clear what are problems are right now. These problems won't happen again. If you want the contact information for any of the other teams, let me know and I will forward it to you.

Email #2 Directed At One of the Players He Cut And CC’d To The Entire Team  (Apparently after he cut the guy the coach realized he didn’t have enough players so he needed to ask him to play again)

Let's be honest, you're average at best, could never play at any other
level than the BSSL, which is a stretch, and if it wasn't for Greg
you'd be gone. Call my bluff and go find another team. We'll still win
the league. Actually, why don't you take Saturday night off. We'll win
even if it's with 10 guys.

Email #3 – Response from the Guy Who Got Cut also cc’d to the entire team

Not sure where that came from Sean but it was completely uncalled for. I like to hold myself to a higher standard than empty email threats but since the gloves are off I guess its game on. First off, I stopped priding my entire life on my soccer ability in 5^th grade, right around the time I grew pubes. You have obviously had a tougher time with this. You single-handily ruin a great group of guys that are all on the same page as far as men's league go. Let me repeat that again, men's league. I hate losing as much as the next guy and love to compete but you are completely out of touch with reality. No one is trying to play at another level, we are a good team with good guys, and believe it or not people have lives and families that do not revolve around soccer. I wake up on Saturday to win first and foremost but aside from that I want to have a few laughs and a good time with people I like to be around. I will never play on the same field as you again unless it's on an opposing side. You are not only an awful teammate but a piss poor coach. You act calm until any adversity sets in or we start losing and then you immediately start pointing fingers rather than taking responsibility and have some sort of emotional seizure (you should seriously get that looked at). I'm no historian but those are not typical Vince Lombardi-esque characteristics of a coach. Here's another life lesson, you need to stop bragging about men's league trophies. You can put your BSSL trophy on your mantel next to the spelling bee you won in 2^nd grade and the pin your mom gave you that says "#1" and whatever other meaningless shit you have won over the years. The BSSL championship is only as good as the teammates you won it with. And you should seriously get over whatever it is you have against Williams. Just because you couldn't even work in the dinning hall up there doesn't mean you have to single out every person who ever went there. This is a public forum for everyone to see so anyone who would like to step forward and defend Sean and tell me I am out of line please do so (I guarantee there will be nothing but the sound of crickets out there). I am usually a nice person but you're a dick and I can't take uncalled for jabs from you anymore. You're a 40 year old elementary school teacher, clean it up. Take some time out from whatever weird shit you do while your students are at recess and re-evaluate yourself, Ms. Lippy. That's all I got but be sure to rest easy with your doll made out of Steve Nichol's hair (we get it, you know him, no one cares).

Nobody likes you.

Signed,

Everyone

I'm out for good.

-Brett

The coach of MPS needs to calm the fuck down.   I mean you’re the coach of a men’s league soccer team.  FUCKING RELAX!   But in the end I almost feel bad for him because he ended up getting owned by Brett.  There is absolutely no come back for when somebody tells you that you are taking a rec league sport too seriously.   I'd rather die than be accused of that. That's why I don't dive in softball. I don't want to be that guy.

“Let me repeat that again, men's league”

A female teacher who allegedly told a 15-year-old male student to treat her like a sex slave has been charged with sexually penetrating a child. Nazira Rafei, 25, a Melbourne high school teacher, is charged with one count of sexually penetrating a child under 16 and four counts of an indecent act with a child under 16. It is alleged on one occasion the teacher told the student to "treat her like a sex slave" as she lay on top of him pinching his nipples in the back seat of her car. Another charge relates to Ms Rafei allegedly kissing the student on his lips and touching his genitals through clothing. Two other indecency charges relate to her allegedly hugging in a "sexual context" and kissing on the mouth a child under 16 in her care.

Judging by international competitions of the last few years, the world has caught up to the US in basketball, baseball, yatching, figure skating, and now it appears, predatory, sex-crazed teachers. And Austrailia is leaving us in its wake when it comes to bringing the kink. Your typical American student is lucky if his teacher is giving him a roll in the back of a van, a Lewinsky in detention hall or a massage in her basement. We've got nothing on the Aussies when it comes to pinched nipples and teachers begging kids to dominate them. We've got three weeks left in the school year. Crunch time. Time for someone to step up and restore our pride in Pedophile Female Teacherism, our National Pastime.

The Grades:
Looks: Nazira is not exactly Miss Australia, but I like her. She's like Louise Woodward minus 80 lbs and impatience with kids. You can definitely see her in latex and handcuffs. Grade: B.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: I think a kid ought to at least get through Sophmore trigononmetry before a woman starts exposing him to sexual slavery. Just one man's opinion. Grade: A.
Intangibles: Miss Rafei is a pioneer in her native country. The Yao Ming of decadent Australian educators. Grade: A.
Overall: A-. (Thanks to Martin)

I almost feel bad for the guy who made this. Because if he had a real budget this has the potential to be the greatest movie of all time. I mean how can you go wrong with something that spoofs One Crazy Summer, Dodgeball, Side Out and mashes it into a Wiffleball theme? You can't! And I have to give this guy credit. This preview actually made me laugh. It's just bad enough to work. I wonder if he is really doing a full length movie? No way right?

Anyway if our wiffleball blog from two days ago proved anything it's that people are passionate about wiffleball. Not only did somebody send me the preview to the movie, but I got a bunch of emails about tournaments, fields, etc. Look at this park in Vermont appropriately nicknamed Little Fenway Pretty fucking sweet. Although I still think there is something to be said for parks like the one in Medford that have the Green Monster in CF. Kind of adds to the charm of it.

I can’t believe I’ve never seen this video before.   These chicks kind of remind me of Latarain Milton, except not nearly as cute and cuddly.    But they do have a point.  “Money is Money”   At least that’s what the First Lady says to me whenever I leave my wallet on the table.   But more importantly I’m still not convinced these two cunts weren’t in cahoots with Little Gracey.     I feel like I’ve seen this scam a million times.  It's a classic shell game. The two teenage chicks act like the scum of the earth, create a spectacle and make Gracie seem like the innocent victim.   So what happens?  Everybody feels bad for Gracie and suddenly her Girl Scout cookies are flying off the shelf.  Next thing you know the 3 of these broads are vacationing off the Gulf of Mexico.    Nice try bitches!

- Thanks to Cristos who is our St. Lucia contact.

Ebay.com - Japanese sensation and Red Sox ace Dice-K and his wife, Tomoyo, will join you and three friends for dinner at the renowned Japanese restaurant, HARU, in Boston. You'll enjoy the company of one of the world's greatest sports stars along with the finest food and service - all in your own private dining room. (A translator will be provided) Get out your chopsticks for this once in a lifetime opportunity! All proceeds go directly to Good Sports, a non-profit organization whose mission is to increase youth participation in sports, fitness, and recreational programs by targeting one of the major obstacles - access to sports equipment. For more great auction items and information about Good Sports annual fundraiser, please visit http://www.goodsports.org/specialevents.shtml. HARU is a modern Japanese restaurant known for its ample portions and striking designs. Haru serves inventive Japanese cuisine ranging from sushi, sashimi, and creative salads to signature dishes like carpaccios, ceviches, tartares, filet mignon, grilled spicy shrimp and specialty rolls. Serious bidders with questions please contact Samantha at spitter@goodsports.orgor call 617-282-6125 x 134

First of all awesome job by Good Sports on publicizing this.   We had to find out about it through With Leather which found out about it through Deadspin which found out about it through some blog called Boston’s 10^thWay to do your job Samantha.   Would it kill you to send us a press release?We’re all about supporting “good causes” but how are we supposed to help if we don’t know about it.   And where is HARU anyway?     It must be popular, but I’ve never heard of it.     Regardless I’m assuming the 10K price tag comes along with the ability to tear Rockets apart right?    I mean why else would she be there.   Certainly not for conversation.    I think donating your wife for charity is part of Japanese culture and that stuff is very important to Dice K from what I hear.  Still 10 large seems a little steep to talk baseball and bang Dice K’s wife.

So the original idea was to have a slew of chicks from the 1930s the morning of the 30s party at Felt...But after some careful research UB has determined that there were no truly Wake Up worthy chicks in the 1930s. Lets face it, the economy was a mess and the Thighmaster had yet to be invented. There was no such thing as bush trimming nor a Local Smokeshow. So instead UB has compiled 30 of the hottest chicks from TODAY to prevent 15 digs at a mailed in Wake Up followed by 30 comments about the assjob Lakers winning last night...

Click here for 30 chicks...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com