Random Thoughts

I have to confess that I found myself pulling for Rocco Mediate the last couple of days. It's human nature to pull for the 45 year old journeyman, nice guy, 153rd in the World Rankings, 158th in driving distance, who would've been the oldest Open champ and the oldest guy to win his first major, blah, blah, blah. It would've been a hell of a story and I was all set to call it the second biggest upset ever (ahead of Buster Douglas, behind Lake Placid). But really, I've got to stop falling in love with these Cinderellas and just embrace Tiger Woods for what he is: the personification of Boston sports.

Truly, he's what this town is all about. He's everything we want our teams to be. He's intense, clutch, fiery, completely focused on winning, supremely talented and confident to the point people resent him for it. He's the Patriots in golf spikes. He's Red Sox Nation, filling an opponent's ball park (Torrey Pines is Phil Mickelson's home course) in a red shirt and stepping on their necks. He's 2007-08 Celtics, staring the ghosts of past glory in the eye and not blinking. The same reason I've rooted against him in the past is the same reason so many NFL fans hope to see Tom Brady's femur get snapped every time he drops back in the pocket: there's only so much sustained excellence you can take. But F- that.

Tiger, like Brady, Garnett, Papelbon, et al is so sustainedly excellent is because he wants it more than anyone else, so he takes it. Occasionally some lesser mortal will get the better of even the greatest champion, (the '03 Yankees, the Giants in Super Bowl XLII, Michael Campbell in the '05 Open), but those are the exceptions that prove the rule. Tiger, like the Pats, Sox and the current Celtics roster, will never be out of contention becaused he's more obsessed with winning and works harder at it than the affable, charming nobodies he destroys. All he ever does is practice, boink his wife, practice, work on his equipment, boink his wife on his yacht, and practice some more. You might hate him for it, but I no longer do. To hate Tiger is to hate excellence. He's everything I like in sports. He's a Masshole in every sense of the word.

Introducing Melissa from Fairhaven and Bridgewater grad. Very hot. I tell you Bridgewater just keeps pumping them out huh?

We need to reload the smokeshows. Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com. We need your help to make sure the quality of girls is what everybody deserves. And remember that the world is watching.

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Every time Tiger Woods does something amazing I find myself writing one of these blogs.   I need to be the lone voice of reason as the entire world collectively sucks his dick.   Listen I don’t deny that Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer of all time.   I don’t deny that he does stuff on a golf course that nobody else can dream of.   But I’m sick and tired of people saying he is the world’s greatest athlete.  Golf is like NASCAR, Billiards, Poker or Bowling.  They are more hobbies than sports.  Just because you are good at any of these things doesn’t make you are a great athlete.    A great athlete is somebody like Bo Jackson who could do whatever the hell he wanted to do.   A guy who can run, jump, catch etc.     A guy whose abilities would allow him to excel at virtually any sport in the world.   A guy who you’re going to pick first on your team before you even know what game you’re playing.   Golfers have none of these traits and neither does Tiger Woods.   Therefore it’s impossible to say he is the best athlete in the world.      Is he the best player in the history of this predominately white rich country club hobby?  Yes.   Will he probably beat the 45 year old fat guy today in the playoff?  Yes.  But is he the best athlete in the world?  Not even close.   And just as an FYI, it’s impossible to compare him playing on a bum knee with guys who play with injuries in contact sports.    It’s just a totally different ball game.    

This "comeback" thing is getting old. Aside from the obvious notion of playing better 1st quarter defense, Doc Rivers should shuffle up the starting line-up for Game 6. Play Eddie House. Rajon Rondo (ankle injury or not) has become completely ineffective on the offensive end. Starting House keeps the Lakers defense honest, even if he's not hitting shots. And with the Celtics defense arriving late to games, we could use the firepower. While it sounds like a drastic move, it really isn't because Rondo hasn't logged extensive minutes in the past few games.

Did you see the way Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom crashed the glass last night? It's a mortal lock the Lakers will not repeat their super-physical performance. With Perkins doubtful for Game 6 (the shoulder was probably separated), expect more from Leon Powe and maybe a cameo from Big Baby Davis. Add those reasons to the likelihood that KG and PJ will play better and I'm feeling more confident.

Anyone else concerned about Paul Pierce? After carrying the team for 48 minutes and flying cross-country, he might be taxed. Doc needs to get him rest in the 2nd quarter.

We are doing our best to get Jemele Hill suspended for comparing Celtics fans to Hitler sympathizers in her ridiculous column on ESPN.com this weekend. The Boston media is also coming around on this one....

Chuck - Red's Army

Kevin Holladay, 42, a drama teacher at Bardstown High School in Bardstown, Kentucky has been arrested on charges of sexual abuse and unlawful transaction with a 15-year-old female student. His wife Marta Holladay, 34, also a teacher at the school is charged with assaulting the same female student on school property.

Kevin Holladay is alleged to have kissed the teenage girl inappropriately, including on the bare breast, as well as trying to rip the girl’s clothes off. Kevin Holladay is charged with felony unlawful transaction with a minor and misdemeanor sexual abuse. Marta Holladay is alleged to have grabbed the student by the hair, screamed obscenities at her and then pushed her. "They were very popular with all the students," said Bardstown High School graduate Amanda Benz. "I was super-shocked. I couldn't believe this happened at my high school."

I have to confess that in my darkest moments, I fear that we've reached the limits of Sex Scandal Teacher stories. I worry that maybe we've seen it all, that there's nothing new under the sun. But the feeling never lasts for long, and some teacher comes along to do pioneering work in educator laciviousness. Presenting the Halladays, the first husband & wife teacher love triangle in the history of these scandals. They've renewed my faith in the luridness of America's education establishment, even though I have mixed emotions on this one. I'm totally against creepy old guys seducing teenage girls, and I'll defend the Double Standard with my life. But Marta coming into the picture and assaulting the girl brings this story to a whole 'nother level. That has me super-shocked.

The Grades:
Looks: I don't judge guys' looks. But if I did, I wouldn't start with a guy who looks like a cross between Emperor Palpatine and Benjamin Linus. I like Marta, though. She's got the stuff of future Sex Scandal Teacher greatness. Grade: N/A
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: Putting your lips on a 15 year old's boobs? Trying to tear her clothes off? Then the wife attacks her? No wonder the Halladays were popular with all the students. Grade: B
Intangibles: The thing that keeps this from being just another skeevey pedophile guy story is Marta. You know her revenge will be sweet, and somewhere there's a teenage boy in Bardsville who'll reap the benefits. Grade: C.
Overall: C+.

Dailymail.com - She has a slim, toned figure that most women would die for. But Kate Beckinsale has demanded a body double for her latest film – because she "loathes" her bottom. Producers have had to hire a £1,000-a-day nude stand-in after Kate, 34, refused to bare her derriere in a shower scene.  A source on her new film Whiteout said: "Kate has a terrible self-image. She thinks she is fat and she is always complaining how certain outfits make her bottom look big.

This is why I love Kate Beckinsale.  She’s a great role model for all the little girls out there.  I mean if Kate Beckinsale isn’t satisfied with her looks than neither should you.    Even if you think you have the perfect body you can always get better.    Never stop working out and starving yourself because Kate Beckinsale isn’t.    Bottom-line is you can always can get hotter.    Thank you Kate Beckinsale for putting into words what the Stool has tried to preach for years.     

Great play or desperate lucky play? You tell me.

This fight can’t be real right?    I mean why would the guy in the red keep walking into those haymakers?   At some point don’t you have to cover up when moving in so the little guy doesn’t just unload on your face?  And how many times are you going to let him do the somersault kick to your nose?   Seriously where was his corner?     But while every bone in my body is telling me this fight is fixed, I just refuse to believe that there is such a thing as fake Midget Muay Thai fighting.   At least not in Thailand.    So against my better judgment, I’m voting for not fixed.

PS - I dream of a day when I’ll be able to go to Panera for lunch and watch midget Muay Thai while eating my chicken caeser salad.    Wifi ain’t got shit on Thailand.

Vote 1 for fixed and 10 for not fixed

NORFOLK, Va. - Former Virginia Tech quarterback Marcus Vick has been charged with driving under the influence and eluding police. Police said a uniformed bicycle patrol officer observed Vick and a female involved in an altercation in the car early Friday. When the officer asked for a driver's license, police say Vick sped away but was stopped minutes later. Vick failed a field sobriety test and was charged with DUI, misdemeanor eluding police, reckless driving and driving on a suspended license. The passenger, Delicia Cordon of Miami, Fla., was charged with being drunk in public.

Right this minute, every kid in America should be made to put away the books, the musical instruments, the laptops, the video game controllers... anything that's going to interfere with them picking up a football and making themselves into a quarterback. Because we have Marcus Vick, an epic, monumental, colossal Michael-Bay-movie-sized blockbuster of a failure, a supreme waste of athletic talent who got kicked out of Va. Tech and went undrafted into the NFL until washing out with the Miami Dolphins, and he's driving around with a drunken model in his car. All because from high school to his junior year of college he had the ability to chuck a football. And in the US of A, that's enough to outweigh the fact that your a loser with no future and your brother is doing time for making little doggies bite each other. God bless America.

Of course, maybe Delicia isn't the best judge of character since she got evicted out of her condo for non-payment of rent. So maybe the modelling gig isn't going so well or all her money is going to fight Marcus' Statutory Rape charges. Still it's pretty remarkable that an Out of Work Jerk like "Ron New Mexico" can pull this kind of tail. How would you rate Delicia on the QB girlfriend scale, with Gisele being a "10" and Eli Manning's wife a "1". I'm giving her a solid 7, which is 6 more than he deserves.

To see much more of Delicia Cordon, click here... (thanks to Trevor for all the leg work)

In honor of Adriana "self proclaimed virgin" Lima getting engaged to Marco Jaric this weekend we figured we'd pay tribute to her virgin ass by doing a wake up with her. PS - No way she's a virgin....

Part One

Part Two

After tonight's game I'm more confident in getting Banner #17 than even if we won tonight. Figure that one out. I mean the Lakers are such a joke I don't even know what to do with myself. Obviously the Celts felt like closing this out at home. I guess I can't blame them. Tuesday Night should be madness.