Random Thoughts

Fucking AWESOME shirt dude! Wait a minute, we sell those don't we? Oh, I forgot about that. My bad....

Introducing Marissa from Bryant.   Kapow!  Let me just say this. If I was a chick I wouldn’t want to see Marissa on my side of the bracket.   Her game has no weaknesses.   It’s almost fitting that on a day we are celebrating Champions in Boston the Stool introduced Marissa to the world.  She’s putting the smoke back in smokeshow..

Did you see any smokeshows at the parade?  Send them to us at randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of Marissa

So I was watching Stanford pummel Miami in the College World Series last night and Erin Andrews gives this report about how the Hurricane's equipment manager tried to give a Ra Ra speech in the dugout. In all my years of watching sports I've never heard of this before. Imagine the balls on this guy? Umm, dude you're the equipment manager. You're just lucky you're not hanging by your underwear from the bat rack nevermind trying to rally the troops. Honestly I never thought I'd live to see the day when an equipment manager is getting in people's faces especially at the "U". Can anybody think of any situation where it is socially acceptable for the equipment manager to do something like this? I can't.

This pretty much sums it up. If that isn't the best picture of the day than I don't know what is. Maybe this one?

Police are now investigating an alleged inappropriate relationship between Cara Dickey, a 29-year-old Buffalo teacher, and her 14-year-old student Nicholas DeJesus, after he disappeared Monday night. DeJesus, a student at South Buffalo Charter School, was found the next day wandering around a local mall, while Dickey was found sleeping in her car in Tuesday morning.

School officials said the teacher had been suspended with pay and escorted from school Monday morning after she was caught text-messaging DeJesus. After DeJesus' phone was seized, they found inappropriate text messages between the student and teacher. It's believed that DeJesus snuck out of school sometime between 1:30 and 2 p.m. to meet with Dickey. Since the two left school at different times, and were found separately, officers are investigating whether or not they had met and spent the night together.

We've done some exhaustive investigation at the Bastool Sports Dept. of Wikipedia Research and discovered that Charter Schools are "are publicly funded elementary or secondary schools... that have been freed from some of the rules, regulations, and statutes that apply to other public schools..." So why is this such a big deal? Charter Schools are all about promoting innovation in education. Why can't those "statutes" they're "freed" from include Statutory Rape? Maybe at your local middle school teachers are bogged down by the bureaucrats and red tape which discourage them from sending sexy text messages to 14 year olds then running off and spending the night with them before dumping them at the mall and sleeping off their love hangover in the car, but where's that gotten us? It's gotten us to the point where there's a waiting list to get into a place like South Buffalo Charter, where teachers like Mrs. Dickey can try new and creative ways to save America's youth from their own horniness.

The Grades:
Looks: That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. If being a great Sex Scandal Teacher was only about looks, Cara would be a first team All-American. Grade: A.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: Inappropriate text messaging is of course a huge plus here; because we all know a 14 year old boy will delete those the first chance he gets. But until we get it confirmed that she actually canoodled with the DeJesus lad, she'll have to settle for a Grade: C.
Intangibles: Her name is Dickey. And her husband looks like he belongs to a fundamentalist sect. Grade: B+.
Overall: B+. But we reserve the right to change the grade if we get evident of actual boinking. This is an A waiting to happen. (Thanks to Jim F. for the tip on this.)

Roger Clemens has to pay those mounting legal bills somehow. The former Yankee ace, now awaiting word from Congress on his steroid scandal, has sold his Bentley to "Rock of Love" star Bret Michaels.

"Bret is a big fan of Roger's and the car is fabulous," said an insider. "Clemens is apparently selling his lavish goods to pay his legal fees."

Michaels was overheard gushing about his new ride Friday at the House of Blues in Atlantic City. Clemens' agent did not return calls.

Well just when you thought Roger Clemens couldn’t get any shadier and Bret Michaels couldn’t get any stupider, now we have this -- Clemens sells his used car to Bret Michaels.  I mean you can’t make this shit up.  It’s gotta be 1-9 odds that Clemens’ Bentley has at least 50 things wrong with it: transmission’s shot, horn doesn’t work, no brakes; you know Michaels is going to be cruising down the highway in this lemon with like 10 chicks and all of a sudden in the middle of his 14th “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” a cappella rendition, the thing is gonna crap out like the Lakers.  “Freaking Clemens…” 

I’d just love to be a fly on the wall when Michaels confronts Clemens about it afterwards and Clemens blames his wife.

Click Here For the Answer

This is a picture of the back dashboard of the Herald's Patriots beat reporter/ fiction writer John Tomase's car. (The black lines are from the rear window defroster.) It was taken by a sharp eyed Barstool reader who confirms that the ladies wig has been there for weeks. This is not a stunt. I'm not making this up; this is 100% confirmed legit. The disgraced, Patriots saboteur Tomase keeps a woman's wig in his car.

The obvious question is: Why? Having never driven around with a wig in my car, I have no idea. But here are a few possible explanations:

• Tomase likes to keep a wig handy in case he's called upon to give a cancer patient a ride home from their chemotherapy.
• He's up for the lead in a community theater production of "Annie."
• He's such an outcast in Foxboro he needs to diguise himself in order to get an interview with Bill Belichick.
• Deep down inside, he's a girl. A very pretty girl.
• A wig comes in handy when you're trolling bus stations for teenage runaways to use in your post-Herald career as a pimp.
• It's the wig Arlen Specter wears when he and Tomase are in the back seat making sweet, sweet love together.
• Tomase is making a suit out of his victims' skins.
• Everyone wears a wig to he "Lying, Duplicitous, Self-Serving, Pork-Faced, Fraudulent Football Writers Association" dinners.
• Carrying a girls wig around in your car is simply the kind of thing deceitful, creepy, soon-to-be-unemployed weirdos do.

"Is that a tranny?"

or

"Bruins' check-box reserved for first round playoff win"

For people who don't live in Boston and are wondering what parades look like I figured I'd just show a couple different perspectives....

Celts

Sox

Pats

Boston.com - Gloucester school officials have discovered at least part of the reason that their high school pregnancy rate has more than quadrupled over the past year, according to a Time magazine story that hits newsstands today. "Nearly half the expecting students, none older than 16, confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together," the magazine's story said, after reporters talked with Joseph Sullivan, Gloucester High School principal. Seventeen girls at the 1,200-student Gloucester High have gotten pregnant over the school year, more than four times the average number. Then the story got worse. "We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy," the principal says, shaking his head. But many told the Globe last month that the most alarming facts were that a significant portion of the expecting girls were 16 and younger and that some seemed to be intentional.

Wait a minute.   Time Magazine did a story on Gloucester?   Fucking A right!  Congratulations Fisherman!    I’m one of those guys that believe there is no such thing as bad press.   Let me put it this way. Would we be talking about Gloucester today if it weren’t for this Prego pact?  Of course not!  Sometimes you got to get a little bit nasty to get the headlines.   And hey I ain’t mad at these chicks either. Listen, I’d love to raise my kids with my buddies.  But the thing they missed is that they could still wait a couple years before getting prego and still raise their kids together.    Also clearly these chicks could give a shit less who the dad is. They are looking for dick wherever they can find it. Hey homeless guy, how's your sperm? Chicks must be getting plowed from the opening school bell through the final whistle right?

Can we please get some photos sent directly to us instead of stealing them all from the Globe? Love how these chicks got there early. They totally are ready to party all day long. I'll see you ladies later at the Block Party. By the way it's even money Kobe Bryant is roaming around the city waiting to pounce on a couple drunk chicks and rape the shit out of them for revenge.

PS - Big Baby already took his shirt off....

I guess I just watched the pre parade rally at the Garden which I didn't even think was happening. It's kind of pathetic. The building is 75% empty. Can anybody just walk in there or do you need to have special credentials? You must have to be friends and family or something. Not sure what the point of that is. Regardless KG is wearing an awesomely ugly hat. He's got all the banners on the back of it. So impossibly hot and gross all at once.

PS - This rally is awkward....

As a side note, I feel like the Wizard of Oz trying to mesh normal blogs with all Celtics blogs today. Just levers going everywhere. We got a ton of shit in the pipeline. There will be no rhyme or reason to when we post anything. Hell there could be Guess The Ass coming in 30 seconds. Stay on your toes bitches!

ROME (Reuters) - An Italian man was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping his ex-girlfriend from a pub, taking her home and forcing her to iron his clothes and wash the dishes, police said Monday. The 43-year-old man dragged the woman out of a pub in the port city of Genoa, shoved her into a car and took her to his home where he made her iron and wash dishes after threatening her, they said. The man, who was apparently furious at his ex-girlfriend for leaving him, was arrested on charges of kidnapping, police said.

Ok here is my first question.  Would this be legal if the chick was still this guy’s girlfriend?    Yes right?   I’m under the impression that if I don’t have clean underwear or if my shirt needs to be ironed or if the dish’s aren’t done I’m allowed to drag the First Lady by the hair from wherever she and force her to do her chores.    At least that’s my interpretation of the Man vs. Woman rulebook.   But it’s gets a little cloudy when it’s an ex girlfriend.    I think in that case you can try to intimate, blackmail or talk your ex into doing it, but I don’t think you can physically force her to do it.    But I don’t deny that it’s a grey area in the rulebook and definitely up to interpretation.

Okay lets see what we have going on today in our fair city.   

1. Celtics World Championship Parade
2. Phantom Gourmet Barbecue in City Hall.   Not sure what the deal is with that, but I guess that’s the reason the Celtics can’t go to city hall?Makes sense right?
3. Jose Mac’s Block Party – without a shadow of a doubt one of the best events of the summer.   There is so much tail running around at this thing that you can’t help but impregnate a chick by just being there.

Other than that it’s just same old same old.

PS - Send us all parade photos. And we don't want pictures of you with your lame ass friend. We want hot chicks in Celtics gear.

Tiger Woods is done for the year, but not without one last major that he said might have been his best ever.

Woods explained why Wednesday when he revealed he will have season-ending surgery to repair a torn ligament in his left knee that he injured 10 months ago.

He also suffered a double stress fracture of his left tibia two weeks before the U.S.Open, ignoring doctors' advice to take six weeks off to let it heal. And he still won the U.S.Open at Torrey Pines, going 91 holes over five days on a knee that was getting worse.

"Now, it is clear that the right thing to do is to listen to my doctors, follow through with this surgery and focus my attention on rehabilitating my knee," Woods said on his Web site.

He had arthroscopic surgery April 15 to clean out cartilage in his left knee, bypassing ACL surgery with hopes it could get him through the 2008 season. But the stress fracture and a ligament that could no longer sustain a powerful swing made it impossible to keep going.

Well I’m going to say I’m both disappointed and surprised by this news.  Disappointed because this means the U.S. is going to lose the Ryder Cup yet again, and surprised because I didn’t really think he was that hurt.  Why?  Well I was at Torrey Pines for the Open (I know a guy who knows a guy) and never having seen Tiger drive the ball in person, I positioned myself about 10 feet from the 4th tee on Friday afternoon.  After Tiger bombed his drive, instead of joining his fellow playing partners Phil Mickelson and Adam Scott down the fairway, he turned around and jogged the other way. 

“Huh?  Where’s he going?” I asked some dude but he didn’t know.  Finally I hear somebody say, “Tiger’s going to take a shit!”  

Sure enough, I look over and Tiger’s entering the “player’s only” Porto-Potty behind the 4th tee.  But what does that have to do with anything?  Nothing.  It’s just when Tiger was done, he ran, not walked, back to the fairway to catch up.  Now if your knee is busted, would you really run back to the fairway?  I wouldn’t think so right?  That’s why I thought the injury may not have been as bad as everyone was saying.  Clearly my analysis was wrong, but whatever the case, the first drive I ever saw Tiger Woods hit, he went straight to the shitter right after.

As far as the rest of the Tour goes, like the ’94-’95 Houston Rockets who won 2 titles during Jordan’s first sabbatical, anyone who wins a Major the rest of 2008 has to receive a big giant * next to their name. Sorry but that's just the way it goes.

More Kerry here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com