Random Thoughts

Introducing Cassie from UNH. Wow, what a way to end the week! Jerry Azuma is totally pissing himself. Cassie is a big time Potato Sack Girl. Seriously First Lady who? I'm counting the seconds till my buddy Cal who went to UNH calls me and asks me what the deal is with this chick.

Potato Sack Girl Definition - Girl who is so hot and cute at the same time that you just want to throw a potato sack on her and marry the shit out of her before anybody else can.

The weather is beautiful. It's summertime in New England. The Smokeshows should start rolling in like thunder. Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of Cassie

As everybody knows by now Curt Schilling is done for the year. Some years this news would have bothered me. But not this year. I mean I wasn't even going to mention it. Honestly do we really think this is going to stop us from winning another World Series? Give me a break. Just remember all we do is win in Boston. Nothing can stop that. Not even the end of time itself.

(photo splash news)

Don't sleep on Lindsay Lohan. I'd fucking lick the freckles off her stomach in a heartbeat.

PS - Only chicks who know they're smoking hot would dare pull a stunt like this. You got to have confidence coming out of the vagina to wear pants like that and casually expose your stomach like it ain't no thing.

(photo from Boston.com)

This has to be the most excited chick, possibly the only chick in the history of earth ever to wear a Brian Scalabrine jersey. Do you think she really just loves the Celtics and the big red head? Or is there something more than meets the eye going on here? Maybe she had some veal lately and I'm not talking about the kind they serve in the North End? Or maybe she's just a flat out stalker?

Vote 1 for just a happy fan and 10 for Scalabrine stalker.

(This guy looks like the world's greatest athlete right?)

So the Wall Street Journal has released a survey on the World’s ten greatest athletes.  Now  I’m not even sure why I’m dignifying this study with a blog, but whatever.  I mean this is the equivelent of Barstool Sports releasing a study on the 10 best kinds of makeup for chicks.   Seriously does the Wall Street Journal even have a sports section?   Anyway without going into too much detail on why this study is total garbabe lets look at who the panel was.

 THE JUDGES:Ed Coyle, exercise physiologist, University of Texas; has studied top athletes, including cyclist Lance Armstrong. Steve Fleck, chairman of the Sport Science Department at Colorado College and former head of the Physical Conditioning Program for the U.S. Olympic Committee. Eric Heiden,orthopedic surgeon at a Salt Lake City sports medicine and training facility; won five gold medals in speed skating in 1980. Kris Homsi, director of sport science for Sparq, a training and assessment company used in college recruiting. Mark Verstegen runs a group of training facilities called Athletes Performance.

Hmm, so we got a guy who sucked Lance Armstrong’s dick.  (We don’t consider him a world class athlete by the way)   The Physical Conditioning coach for the U.S. Olympic team.     (We don’t consider 99% of Olympians great athletes by the way)  A former speed skater who wasn’t good enough to play hockey so turned to a freak sport that 40 people in the world compete at and the director of Sparq which for anybody who watched the Contender knows is a total joke.    In summary we got a bunch of Olympic guys and a couple dudes who have no idea what they’re talking about.  And surprise, surprise the winner of the Wall Street Journal’s study was (drum roll please) an Olympic dude from the Czech Repulic!   Shocker!     Now excuse me while I print out this study and use it as toilet paper for my dog.   Because it’s not even worthy of me wiping my ass with it.

Listen, I don't want to sit here and defend a scumbag but to this guy’s defense he did try to sell these kids a knife before he robbed them.    Maybe he was just teaching them a little life lesson.  I mean if you're going to sit there and run a cash business without any protection aren't you sort of begging to get robbed?  It was almost this thug's duty to teach these young entrepreneurs a lesson.    Next time buy the knife and nobody gets robbed.   Sure they may hate this guy now, but in the long run it will probably be the best lesson they ever learn.

MSN.com - Charlie Sheen has apologized for using a racial slur in a voice mail to Denise Richards. Messages from an angry Sheen to Richards started surfacing on the Internet earlier this week. In one of the messages, dated April 19, 2005, the “Two and A Half Men” star can be heard ending a call by referring to his ex in a host of aspersions including the C-word and the N-word.

"Yeah, I just got your other email and I’m a little confused because you told me that was something you only told a couple of people and this and that and I just, again you continue to be deceitful and mischievous and sneaky, and you're a fucking liar. Okay? You're a fucking liar. So, you know what it's like, fuck you. Okay, I hope you rot in fucking hell. You're a piece of shit fucking liar and I hope you fucking rot in hell. So fuck you. I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. Fuck you. You're a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright, so fuck you."

I am totally confused.   I’ve never heard of this before.   I get the "cunt" part but since when do white people call other white people the “N” word?  I mean unfortunately I’ve heard white people call black people this before.    I’ve heard black people call black people this before.  But I’ve never heard a white guy call a hot white chick the “N” word before.    Strange.   Charlie Sheen must be all sorts of fucked up.   

Click Here For the Answer

I love Weiss's stats. 5 foot 8, 1,208 lbs. Hilarious. As a side note a little known fact is that my roommate at Michigan actually held the Blimpy Burger title when we were there. I think he ate 43 patties in one sitting. There was big article about it in the Michigan Daily. The next week the guy whose record he broke came back and tried to take back the title. He broke it, but puked while putting away the last burger. Personally I thought the rules were pretty clear in the world of competitive eating. A reversal of fortune is an automatic DQ. Unfortunately Blimpy Burger didn't see it that way. It will have to go down as one of the great controversies of my college career at Michigan.

PS - I love stories

- Thanks to Dana Bible for the pic

"Breaker, breaker, we're going to need some 1 dollar bills here"

- Thanks to Robyn for the tip. Yes, we now have girl Stoolies too!

Fuckraffle.net - With over 15 years combined experience, three adult talent reps got together at LA Erotica 2008 and discussed something never done before… A Fuck Raffle. The following Monday, the website was registered, designed, and put to the test. Each ticket is ONE PENNY. The minimum is one hundred (1 Dollar), and there are no maximums. Your odds are in your own hands.

Listen I'm all for Fuck raffles. I mean I can't tell you how many times I've thought of running a "Fuck A Smokeshow Raffle "but the damn chicks wouldn't go along with it. "I don't want to get fucked by a stranger, blah, blah, blah" So freaking selfish if you ask me. I mean do they want me to drive the Astrovan for the rest of my life or what? But I digress. If this is a real contest then why are they charging one penny for each ticket? This makes no sense to me on any level. Isn't that a pain in the ass? Why not just give one ticket for every dollar. Or is this just like hey we're the porn industry so we can do whatever the fuck we want type of thing? Regardless, I have no desire to fuck a porn star anyway. Especially not on tape. That would mean I'd have to hit the gym because I'm not going to be one of those reality stars that is out of shape. And more importantly I think the pressure to perform would be too much and my dick would shrivel into a little ball and everybody would make fun of me for the rest of my life. It would make the Boston.TV thing look like a walk in the park.

Reader Email

Hey this is a good one...

On the train ride home - this guy stumbles into me as he passes my seat... then bounces off the seat opposite mine, and then the seat in front of me and finally squeezes into a seat next to an unfortunate woman.  He tries to talk to her in a mumbled, slurring banter. He then promptly passes out. He slowly falls out of his seat into the walkway. A few stops later, the woman needs to get off the train but can't wake him. A couple of us yell him to semi-consciousness and she sort of climbs over him. Some nice citizen (not me) asks him where he's going and he responds LOWELL (we're on the Newburyport train)... so someone gets the conductor who wakes him again and tells him he's on the wrong train... all he does is hold a fist in the air and mumble "Go Celtics" then passes out again...  There is NO WAY this guy made it home.

Todd

I love it! And this my friends is what the parade is all about! Young kids getting so shitfaced they end up taking the wrong train home. To be honest it's the conductors fault for letting this guy get on the Newburyport train to begin with. I mean this dude has Lowell written all over him. I bet the Newburyport sheriff threw him in jail the second the train crossed the border.

JUNE 17--As she was attempting to put on a Victoria's Secret thong, a Los Angeles woman claims that a decorative metallic piece flew off the garment and struck her in the eye, causing injuries and a new product liability lawsuit against the underwear giant. Macrida Patterson, 52, alleges that she was hurt last May by a defective "low-rise v-string" from the Victoria's Secret "Sexy Little Thing" line, according to a lawsuit filed last week in Los Angeles Superior Court.

Well as much as I hate corporate America, this lady has no case.   Why?   Because Pete Manzo clearly stated back in October of 2005 that 49 years old is the maximum age for a chick to still be wearing a thong.  After that it’s granny panties or you’re basically begging for an eye injury.    Here is the excerpt from his original How Old is Too Old article in case you forgot:

Wearing a thong - Maximum age: 49. I don’t care who you are or what kind of shape you’re in, once you hit 49, ladies, the party’s over. Cry, cry as you may. I know it’s tough. But I’m pretty sure Sisqo didn’t have his Grandma in mind when he invented the thong back in ’99. The point is not whether you’d physically look good wearing one. That’s irrelevant. There just comes a time psychologically where you have to look in the mirror, saggy breasts and all, and say to yourself, “I can’t wear these anymore.” Then dramatically hang up your thongs….forever.

And we're back with more of Alessandra...Much more of Miss Ambrosia here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com