A few weeks back we brought you the story of the old coot who got pinched for OUI for riding drunk on a motorized cooler. Which seemed kind of odd since you'd think that's why the goddamned things were invented, but what do I know? Well today we've been blessed with dueling stories from opposite sides of the globe, both involving other drunks getting collared on other... um... non-traditonal "vehicles":

NORTH POLE, Alaska (AP) - Alaska State Troopers used lights and sirens to apprehend a North Pole man suspected of driving under the influence after he allegedly led them on a slow-speed chase that covered several lawns. The 20-year-old man was on a riding mower. Sunday's pursuit lasted about 200 feet and reached speeds of up to 5 mph before a trooper got out of a cruiser and told the man to stop. Troopers received a call early Sunday complaining of an intoxicated man driving a mower. They said Wyatt Lewis's blood-alcohol content was 0.18 percent, more than twice the legal limit of 0.08 percent.

And:

CANBERRA (Reuters) - Police in Australia have charged a man for drink driving in a motorized wheelchair after he was found to be six times over the legal alcohol limit, local media reported on Monday. Police in the tropical northern Queensland city of Cairns said the man had a blood alcohol reading of 0.31, and was so drunk he was asleep at the controls of his motorized wheelchair in a turning lane of a major highway.

So I guess the lesson we can glean from this is that you can't be on any kind of wheeled vehicle if you're over the limit. So you can scrap your plans to head home hammered on your skateboard, moped, power scooter, Big Wheel or shopping cart.

I have to say it's a tough call as to which dangerous criminal offender takes first place and which one finds out what the other's ass tastes like. But both are true rebellious criminal badasses in every sense of the word. Do you go with North Pole lawnmower man, who only blew a .18? Because I've done the math and at 5 MPH, a 200 foot chase lasts about an hour and a half I think. That's the stuff of "COPS." On the other hand, Aussie wheelchair guy blew him away with a .31, but he was literally asleep at the wheel(chair), so I don't think he was standing up to the Man as much as he'd just drunk himself legless.

I'm going with lawnmower man, since after all, what's the point of having a lawnmower in North Pole, AK anyway if you're not using it get yourself home from the saloon. Besides, who's he going to hurt? Only two people live there and I highly doubt Santa or Superman are in danger of this guy's Lawn Boy. (Thanks to Jugbanger and Tim for the links.)

So who's the biggest badass? Vote "1" for lawnmower, "10" for wheelchair