Random Thoughts
The Always Classy New York Yankee Fans
This is a public service reminder for all Red Sox fans headed to Yankee Stadium for this weekend's series. Just remember that the reason Yankee fans hate us is because they want to be us. It's nothing personal.
Central Square Being Central Square
People think I'm anti hippy. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love Hippies as long as they stay where they belong. And in my mind that means Central Square, Woodstock and Vermont. I mean I'd be almost disappointed if I walked into Cambridge and there wasn't a city wide funk fest going on. It's when they start trying to migrate into Faneuil Hall, South Station and North Station that I start getting nervous.
What Do You Do After Knocking A Guy Out? Celebrate With the Boston Celtics Obviously
So you're Manny Pacquiao and you just knocked out David Diaz. What would you want to do? If you said "celebrate with the greatest basketball team in the world" then you'd be right. The great ones always want to hang around with other great ones. Meanwhile David Diaz probably met up with Kobe Bryant and raped a couple chicks because that's what losers do.
Manny Takes Down Red Sox Traveling Secretary?
HOUSTON -- Manny Ramirez shoved Red Sox traveling secretary Jack McCormick to the ground in an argument over Ramirez' ticket allotment. Several onlookers moved quickly to separate the two.
Ramirez had asked McCormick for 16 tickets for Saturday night's Red Sox-Astros game, an unusually high number for day-of-game. In addition to handling all travel details for clubs, traveling secretaries also take player ticket requests for both home and away games.
When McCormick cautioned Ramirez that he might not be able to fulfill his request, Ramirez responded by shouting: "Just do your job!"
An argument insued and Ramirez pushed McCormick, sending him to the ground.
Later, the two met behind closed doors and Ramirez apologized to McCormick, who accepted the gesture. No further disciplinary action is expected against Ramirez.
So what is it with Red Sox players and shoving old timers to the ground? First it was Pedro head-tackling 95 year old Don Zimmer in the 2003 ALCS, now Manny pushes 67 year old traveling secretary Jack McCormick the other day in Houston? I mean at some point somebody has to tell the Red Sox that fighting senior citizens is off limits. But per usual, Manny will get a free pass in this town because obviously Manny “didn’t know” he’s not supposed to shove people 30 years older than him, but that's fine. I mean how could we expect him to know that? Sometimes I wonder who’s living in Manny World after all, Manny Ramirez or Red Sox Nation.
Barstool Beach Bowl Sponsored By Corona Is Tomorrow!
Just a reminder that the Barstool Beach Bowl is Tomorrow Night at Kings! It starts at 8pm where we will be having a Corona reception from 8-9pm. There is free bowling the entire night and a bikini fashion show. It was great last year and hopefully it will be a ton of fun again. What else do you have going on on a Tuesday Night? Plus resident Stoolies Bluc and Cliff will be the DJ's and if that doesn't put asses in the seats than I don't know what will. Maybe the fact the bikini fashion show features 8 past cover models?
To RSVP for the Corona VIP Party send an email to beachbowl@barstoolsports.com. Other than that you can just show up and go nuts.
Prostitute Gives Up Pimp's Name To Authorities For A Pizza
Cincinnati.com - When inmate Caressa Brunelle came before a judge Wednesday to be released, Brunelle reminded the judge she was owed a pizza. So, Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Nadine Allen sent someone to pick up a $5 personal pizza at the Downtown Donato's and let Brunelle eat it in court. The pizza was Brunelle's reward for telling Allen who her pimp was, information Allen used to have the alleged pimp - Jason Lee - arrested. "I felt that a pizza for a pimp was a good (trade)," the judge said Thursday. The pizza saga began Feb. 12, when Brunelle, 20, was before the judge charged with domestic violence. Brunelle was accused of threatening her mother by telling her she'd "carve her up like a turkey." After Allen convicted her in the Feb. 12 hearing, she sentenced Brunelle to 180 days in the Justice Center. The judge also asked her who her pimp was - and dangled the promise of a pizza as bait. Brunelle bit. Brunelle noted that Lee, sitting in the courtroom, was the one who bailed her out and then, to recoup his money, forced Brunelle to have sex with men who then paid Lee. "I wish other prostitutes would come forward and reveal their pimps. Pizza is cheaper than what we pay for undercover (investigations). the judge said.
Clearly this bitch never watched Clear and Present Danger. Because everybody knows that when you get a chip in the big game you hold onto it until you need a huge favor. You don't wait until your sentence is over and then trade your chip/pimp's name for a 5 dollar personal pizza. Honestly how fucking stupid can this prostitute be? No wonder she fell for the old “I bailed you out of jail so now you’re my sex slave trick”.
PS – Regardless of how dumb this girl is that doesn’t change the fact that telling somebody you’ll carve them up like a turkey is still an all time top 5 threat in my book.
Reader Email: What To Do When You’re At Tweeter Center and You Spot A Fat Kid Who Is Stuck Under the Fence After Trying To Sneak In?
Reader Email:
Hey Prez-
Just wanted to follow up on the Dave concert email from the other day. My
coworker went to the concert at Great Woods and took this pic.
Apparently this fat kid was stuck there for at least 30 mins. His friends
and he dug this hole under the fence to sneak in, but as you can see, he
didn't make it...haha! Kind of feel bad for the kid though, my coworker
told me he was crying and shit because his friends on the outside of the
fence were pushing him, making him further wedged in the hole, and people on the inside were pulling at him. When she showed me this pic this morning, I knew I had to share with you and the Stoolies. Go C's..."Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes"
Max
Hilarious picture. This obviously brings up the question of what do you do if you’re inside the concert and you see this guy stuck under the fence? Here are the options. You can mix and match any of them;
- You help him.
- You laugh at him
- You take a leak on him.
- You take pictures of him
- You get him a beer
- You call security
- You ignore him and continue to watch the concert
- You kick dirt on him
- You pretend to help him
- You give him useless advice on how to get out of the hole.
Ok here is what I do. First I laugh at him. Then I take a few pictures. Next I give him useless advice just to watch him squirm a little bit more until I finally say “sorry buddy” and then accidentally kick dirt on him as I walk away to go back to the concert. Yeah I’m pretty sure that’s the text book way to handle watching somebody get stuck under a fence at a Dave Matthews concert. Or how to handle a fat lady stuck in a ditch for that matter....
Does This Look Like The Face Of Somebody Who Would Shove His Cell Phone Up His Own Ass?
JUNE 23--Meet Jeffrey Barrier. The Ohio man allegedly used a cell phone camera to snap photos of a naked woman at a tanning salon Saturday and then hid the phone in his anus in a bid to thwart police. When cops later confronted Barrier, "he kept denying any involvement of the incident" and claimed to not have a camera. However, a second search of the suspect turned up the camera. As noted in a Hamilton County Sheriff's Office report, Barrier "did hide evidence in his anus." Barrier, pictured in the below mug shot, was charged with disorderly conduct for taking the photos and obstructing official business for hampering a police investigation. Barrier, due in court today, is free on $1500 bond.
How the fuck do you fit a cell phone in your ass? This was obviously not this guy’s first rodeo. I mean you need to have years of practice to even attempt a stunt like this. Regardless now every time I look at my blackberry I can’t help but involuntarily jam my ass cheeks shut. Listen, there are lots of things that I can live with in life. But somebody jamming a cell phone up my ass is not one of them.
School Presses Charges Against Kid Who Mooned The Crowd When Getting Diploma
The First Lady and I had a big debate on this one. She seems to think that criminal charges are warranted in this case. I disagree. Granted I think the school needs to do something to make sure every Tom, Dick and Harry doesn’t start mooning people during graduation, but is this really worthy of a criminal record? I mean it’s not like this was an aggravated mooning assault. It would be one thing if he dropped his pants, spread his ass cheeks and stuck his asshole in everybody’s eye for 20 minutes but he didn’t do that. This was a quick mooning with a little shimmy. To me that’s just some innocent fun. Maybe you make him go to summer school for a couple weeks before he can get his diploma, but it's definitely not worthy of getting the police involved. And the chicks who were so outraged, shocked and saddened by the mooning can cut the shit. I guarantee if this kid was the QB of the football team these broads would have said it was hilarious and would have been taking numbers to lick his asshole.
Jacqueline Kent Cooke Has Officially Arrived In Boston
Bostonherald.com - Authorities say a 20-year-old heiress allegedly left the South Street Diner without paying before drunkenly getting behind the wheel of her new silver BMW and then playing the “Do you know who I am?” card on cops. Jacqueline Kent Cooke, daughter of late Washington Redskins owner and billionaire Jack Kent Cooke, pleaded not guilty yesterday to charges of operating under the influence. She was released on personal recognizance. According to a police report, Boston Police Sgt. John P. Doris saw a pair of keys fall from Cooke’s purse. But Cooke denied she was driving and denied owning the BMW 325i parked outside, according to the report. The girls walked down the street, but Doris saw them peering around the corner at the car. After about 10 minutes, Cooke returned and said “it was useless for him to keep watching her because she was going to drive the car home and there was nothing he could do about it,” according to the report. Doris suggested she take a cab. Doris said Cooke refused and walked down Kneeland Street, attempting to flag down cars before pulling up her skirt to moon Doris, he said. She also flipped him the middle finger, according to the report. The allegedly bratty blonde is accused of then getting into her car and turning on the engine. Doris blocked her from leaving and radioed for backup. The train wreck did not end there. Cooke allegedly asked cops if they knew who her father was and proclaimed that Doris would lose his badge because “one billion dollars goes a long way,” the report states. She allegedly called all of the officers “gay” and refused a Breathalyzer. Cooke bequeathed his daughter a $5 million trust, but the $50,000-per-year payout wasn’t enough, and she reportedly sued his estate for $275 million last year.
About three weeks ago my bat/smut peddler phone rang with an anonymous tip informing that Jacqueline Kent Cooke had landed in Boston and I should be ready for the fireworks. So I put out some feelers and managed to “randomly” bump into her at a bar a couple weeks ago And let me just say this. In terms of Dlist celebrities, this chick is the real deal. She totally has the I’m rich, I’m hot and I’m better than you vibe going. It’s awesome. She’s like Paris Hilton on roids. I’m telling you right now I got a feeling about this kid. You think mooning and giving the bird to a police officer is bad? We haven’t seen anything yet. The ladies at the Inside Track are going to have a ball with this girl. And yes I’ve already told the First Lady that I’m going to do everything in my power to impregnate the shit out of her. I just want to get a little smut peddler baby in her womb and I’ll figure out the details later. After all to quote Jacqueline Kent Cooke, "one billion dollars does go a long way".
