Random Thoughts

With Julie Donaldson's career is in turmoil, Heidi Watney's star continues to rise. I mean even the Cougars can't help but dyke out in her presence.

"Wooooooooooooooooo!"

LYNN - The former Centerfolds stripper who says she had a fling with Yankee Alex Rodriguez tearfully blamed the media spotlight after she was suddenly picked up on a four-year-old motor vehicle warrant and forced to appear in a Lynn courtroom this morning. Candice Houlihan, the Reading hairdresser and ex-exotic dancer who says she had a two-night stand with Rodriguez in 2004, agreed to pay $400 court costs in Lynn District Court to settle 2004 citations for having an uninsured and unregistered vehicle. She believes she was targeted for arrest after her name and photo were plastered on the front page of the Herald and New York tabloids and her details of a two-night tryst with the married baseball babe made headlines. Houlihan battled back tears as she described her arrest last night at her mother’s Wakefield home, and she broke down several times as she described being handcuffed and taken to the Danvers state police barracks before her father paid $100 to bail her out.  The petite blonde, who wore a gray T-shirt, black capris pants and black flip-flops to court, said she doesn’t regret sleeping with A-rod, but now she wishes she didn’t dish her story. “I don’t regret doing it,” she said. “But I regret whoever leaked the story.”Leaving court today, she said she hoped her time in the spotlight is over.

Candice Houlihan doesn’t regret doing it, but she regrets whoever leaked the story?     I can’t even begin to understand what the hell that means.   Listen Candice just like I said two days ago, nobody forced you to brag about fucking Alex Rodriguez.  Nobody forced you to do an interview with the Inside Track or Globe Magazine or have your pictures plastered all over the NY Post.  You did all of these things for the same reason you are now complaining about.   You did it for attention.    So spare me the sob story about how you hope your time in the spotlight is over.   Because you wanted it and you got it.  My bigger question is how has she eluded the Lynn cops since 2004?   Is she some type of diabolical stripper mastermind or something?  Either that or she must have been fucking somebody on the inside.   And how is the fine only 400 dollars?    Once again she must be fucking somebody on the inside.

ST PETERSBURG - A Russian woman in St. Petersburg killed her drunk husband with a folding couch, Russian media reported on Wednesday.  St. Petersburg's Channel Five said the man's wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall. The couch, which doubles as a bed, folds up automatically in order to save space. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, Channel Five quoted emergency workers as saying. The woman then walked out of the room and returned three hours later to check on what she thought was an unusually quiet sleeping husband.

Hey if you’re going to die I can think of a lot worse ways to go than at the hands of your folding couch.   But having said that I’m not sure I believe that this was an accident.   Because let me tell you I’ve slept on many a folding couch in my day.   And never once have I been able to push a button and have it fold itself.  I don’t even think  Aliens have invented this type of technology yet.   So this idea that you could kill a man with the push of a folding couch button seems a little far fetched to me.  But if this couch really exists I will be the first one to apologize and go out and buy one for myself.   

This video has been everywhere already, but I haven't posted it because I can't tell whether it's real. My gut tells me it's fake. I mean this guy isn't drunk he's fucking shitfaced. How'd he even get dressed or make it to the stadium? And why are there so many people in the crowd for a kids soccer game? Yeah I know all bets are off when talking about Belarus, but this is nuts even for them.

Vote 1 for real and 10 for fake

Just when Sir Alex Ferguson and Manchester United's supporters thought that Cristiano Ronaldo could sink no farther in their estimation, the Portugal forward managed to do so last night by endorsing the comments made by Sepp Blatter, the Fifa president, that likened his situation at Old Trafford to slavery.

Blatter provoked anger among United officials and ridicule throughout the football community yesterday when he declared that a disaffected Ronaldo should be free to pursue a transfer to Real Madrid rather than be kept to the £120,000-a-week contract that he signed less than 18 months ago. The player at the centre of the controversy, however, suggested that the sport's most powerful figure was right.

“I agree with the statements of the president,” Ronaldo told TVI, the Portuguese television channel, when asked about the “slavery” comments. “What he said is correct. You know what I said, what I want and what I would like. Now I have to wait and see what happens.”

I'll come right out and say I have no idea who any of these people are and that up until I read this I didn't realize there was another Manchester besides the one in southern New Hampshire or the one by the sea. I don't follow soccer but I do pay attention to soccer players' girlfriends. Everytime one of these hand-eye-coordination-free yobs makes the news, I search the web to find out which Page 2 girl they're dating, and I'm never disappointed. In this guy's case it's Nereida Gallardo.

Click here to see more pictures of Nereida.

With a 120,000 Euro-a-month contract, which I'm pretty sure works out to $10 billion a year, and a girlfriend who's one Ursula Andress knife belt away from being a Bond Girl, I'm going to have to rethink this whole slavery thing. "Spartacus" and "Roots" must have gotten it wrong because being a slave seems like a pretty sweet deal.

L.I.Press -- Looks like a weak economy has put a headlock on Ric Flair's foray into the finance business after less than a year.

The 16-time World Heavyweight Champion's Internet-based company, Ric Flair Finance, is no more. When visiting www.ricflairfinance.com, the site that once boasted the "Figure-Four Process" of securing a loan now simply lists contact information for booking a Flair personal appearance.

A person who answered the phone at the contact, the Columbia, S.C.-based Gillespie Agency, confirmed that Ric Flair Finance is out of business. The person didn't know how long the company had been offline but that the finance company had been trying to "wrap things up for awhile." The company opened last September.

Listen I know gas prices are skyrocketing and the U.S. dollar won’t even get you a handjob in Canada anymore, but once “Ric Flair Finance” goes broke you know the shit has hit the fan.  I mean the guy won the belt 16 freaking times!   What does this say to all the 5 and 6-time champs like Bret Hart and Booker T who want to start their own finance company?  Forget it. After 25 years, now I know what Reagan meant by "trickle-down economics".

PS - Gotta love the Congress.  Wooooo!

Summertime can officially begin in Boston now! Yup we had our annual Great White sighting on the Cape. It's kind of like our version of Groundhog Day. Nothing gets people fired up around here like a possible Great White sighting.   I mean everybody and their grandmother loves chipping in with advice whenever there is a spotting.  Today’s pearl of wisdom comes from Tony LaCasse, a spokesman for the New England Aquarium.  

"If you see sharks in the water, you need to tear out of the water and listen to local officials."

Thanks Tony!   Until reading that I was thinking the best course of action would have been to swim right for their mouth and thrash around like a seal in front of them.   Needless to say this is the type of advice that saves lives.   As a sidenote, nobody really saw this Great White Shark.  They never do. Whatever.  It still counts.

Reader Email

I wasn’t sure who to send this to so I just clicked on the feedback tab. But anyways this is some kid who tried crawling under the fence into the Pearl Jam concert a couple weeks ago. The kid got stuck for a good 20 minutes and there was about 50 people standing around him and laughing. He didn’t cry but he looked like he really wanted to. When security finally made its way over all they did was laugh with the rest of the crowd and stood their trying to watch him get out. Some of these kids who try to hop the fence are idiots. My friends and I are from Mansfield and know how to jump every time no problem. We were actually thinking of making a video of how to do it properly and putting it on You Tube. I don’t know what some of these people are thinking. The kid had a fat ass and was trying to get through a small hole. I know you have had something like this on your website before so I thought you might like it. My friends and I love your website and are always on it. Anyways, here’s the picture.

- Andy

Is this like a trend or something?  I’ve never heard of people getting stuck trying to sneak under a fence before, but now it seems to be happening every two seconds.  What happened to jumping over a fence?   Does Great Woods have barbwire on it or something?  Or is jumping fences like old school now?    Regardless this motherfucker never had a chance.    It’s almost like he thought if he could get his head through he’d be golden.  Clearly he is not experienced at the art of sneaking under a fence.   I wonder if he got arrested once he got out.  Or maybe he’s still stuck there?

Click For the Answer

It’s official.  The world is officially coming to an end.   How else can you explain the fact that Dan Shaughnessy has been on PTI this week?    Listen PTI always suffers when either Wilbon or Kornheiser is missing.  But this took the show to a new low.   I just don’t get how anybody could possibly think this was a good decision?  I mean nobody likes Dan Shaughnessy.   Nobody.   He’s old.  He’s out of touch.  He’s not funny.  He’s ugly.  He sucks at life.  The list goes on and on.   And unlike with the Globe where you’re almost forced to read him if you want to read about the Red Sox, with TV you can just change the channel.    So I just don’t get it.   It’s not like he’s going to get the Howard Stern effect where people who hate him listen twice as long.  With Shank I couldn’t turn the channel fast enough.   In fact, I’d be willing to bet my life that this week has been the lowest rated PTI’s in the history of the show.   That my friends is the true power of Dan Shaughnessy.

PS – Who looks more scared? Corey Hart's daughter in the last video or Shank in this one? I think it's a draw. And by the way I didn't make this video so don't bother complaining to me about the quality of it.

#1 Fake Grenade

Vs.

#2 Slide Reenactment

Vs.

#3 Stinky Armpit

I'll tell you what. Minor League managers may be the most creative people on earth. It is so hard nowadays with the advent of the Internet and with cameras everywhere to come up with new shit. But minor league managers consistently outdo each other on what seems like a daily basis. I mean I thought the fake grenade meltdown would never be topped but yesterdays stinky shoe, stinky armpit routine by Kash Beauchamp may have done just that. Yup it's official. I'm voting for stinky armpit.

1. Stinky Armpit

2. Fake Grenade

3. Slide Reenactment

We got no Wake Up this morning so we'll have to settle for rating Selma Blair. I've always had a thing for her, but I could see how people may not love her like I do.

Rate Selma Blair

I'm sure everybody has seen this video by now. It's shit like this that makes me regret that we don't cover politics. I mean you can't make stuff like this up. I literally can't stop laughing every time Jesse does his little cutting of the nuts motion. Hilarious. But the best part was his explanation of what happened afterwords. According to Jesse he just got caught with "a hot mic". I've never heard that before! It's awesome. From now on whenever I put my foot in my mouth or say something I regret I'm just going to blame it on a "hot mic". That's totally what happened to me at that Boston.TV thing. Just go caught with a "hot mic." It can happen to the best of us.