Random Thoughts

ESPN-- Los Angeles Dodgers slugger Manny Ramirez was scratched in his first scheduled spring training start because of tightness in his left hamstring. Ramirez had been in the lineup as a designated hitter for the Dodgers' exhibition against South Korea on Thursday. He was replaced by Mark Loretta.

That didn't take long huh? Shockingly Manny isn't so motivated anymore after finally signing his new contract. Hmm, what a coincidence...

Introducing Erika from Keene State.   Great way to cap off a very strong week in smokeshows.    And just as an FYI to Erika.  The yellow dress is totally working.   I’d wear that shit to pieces if I were her.  Blazing hot.

Do you know any smokeshows?  Send them our way and just as a reminder please send the girl’s full name because we facebook them and tell them they’ve been nominated before posting their pictures.   Yes we consider that permission.  And no we don’t tell them who nominated them.   It’s a win win for everybody.   Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of Erika

Reader Email

Hey Pres,

This is my Jack Edwards on a Stick. I'm bringing it to the game
tonight.. watch out for it on NESN. Think it's lame? I smell
free t-shirt....

Derek

What do people think? Should this dude get a free shirt if NESN shows "Jack on a Stick" tonight? Or is this too easy? Should the rule be that Jack Edwards has to acknowledge the "Jack on a Stick" or better yet say something to the effect "that's for a free shirt?" I mean I think just getting NESN to show it is a layup. So it's either Edwards has to acknowledge it or Edwards has to acknowledge it's for a free tshirt. I bet he reads the Stool so I don't think this is impossible by any stretch of the imagination. Plus winning a free tshirt is supposed to be hard to begin with. I mean it's not like I can just be giving shit away with the way I've been gambling lately. I got to make bitches earn it.

So time to vote for what wins this guy a free shirt.

Vote 1 for Jack Edwards just has to mention the sign and 10 for Edwards has to mention something about a free tshirt"

This is exactly what Providence did to me today when I took the over in their game against Louisville. They fucked the shit out of me and were making the same exact squeaking noises the whole fucking time. I swear to god they took fifty 3's and all them were from behind the NBA three point line. I honestly don't think they realized that was the NBA stripe. I'm not even fucking kidding.

PS - Michigan just mutilated Iowa. Unlike PC, we'll see you bitches in the tourney!

"UP-UP-DOWN-DOWN-LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT-B-A-START"

Cincinnati.com - John Spinnie may be an accused thief, but he was one who wanted to get to court. So badly that he stole a car, said Assistant Hamilton County Prosecutor Betsy Sundermann this morning. Spinnie, 42, of Norwood, is accused of stealing a Chevrolet Uplander Tuesday in order to get to his 9 a.m. arraignment at the Hamilton County Justice Center. He was due there to face on a judge on a charge of receiving stolen property filed Monday in which he was accused of stealing $1,800 worth of jewelry. But Spinnie never made it to his hearing. A Cincinnati police officer spotted him driving the Uplander Tuesday morning outside the justice center and arrested him on a charge of receiving stolen property. Spinnie told the officer he paid an unknown man $10 to use the vehicle.

Wait a minute.  Did this guy steal the car or did he pay some unknown man 10 bucks to borrow it?  Big fucking difference right?   Either way I feel this guys pain.   I mean it’s the classic Catch 22 situation.  Do you steal/borrow a car so you can get to court or do you skip your court appearance because you can’t get there?  Tough one, but I think this guy made the right choice.     I mean what’s that old expression?   You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.    If this guy just skipped his court date he 100% would have been thrown in jail.  At least this way he gave himself a chance and that’s all you can really ask for in life. 

My only question is do you think this chick is from the New Bedford or the Nantucket part of the "508"? Probably Nantucket right?

HAMPTON, Va. (AP) — Some Phish fans are leaving Hampton a little lighter than when they arrived for the band's weekend reunion.  Police said Monday they confiscated about $1.2 million in illegal drugs and more than $68,000 in cash from concertgoers. Authorities also arrested 194 Phish fans during the three-night celebration of the band's return to the stage after a nearly five-year absence.  Most of the arrests were for drug possession, use and distribution, police said.  Tourism officials had estimated 75,000 fans would be coming to the coastal Virginia city. Nearly 200 law enforcement officers worked the weekend event, with the Vermont-based band picking up the tab.

$1.2 million?  That’s it?  Kind of a low number for a Phish reunion show don’t you think?  I mean when Kiss came back in 83, then 96, then 01, then again in 08, I’m sure they found a lot more than $1.2 million in illegal drugs.  Come on Phish fans – you’re getting lazy on me.  And you smell.  Keep up this kind of attitude and you'll be listening to jam band music for the rest of your lives.

Click here for more Phish fan mugshots from the smokinggun.com

GREENSBURG, Pa. - A wrong turn and an open door caused quite a commotion at the Beer Arena in Greensburg, in Westmoreland County... Three deer darted in the open door and caught the clerk, who was texting on a cell phone, by surprise... One deer crashed into a Corona display and another took a detour toward the store's office... One of the animals crashed into the office door before finally leaving the store.

Another theory of mine proven. I've never trusted cute animals. I think adorableness is just another weapon nature provides some creatures with. The way some animals have horns, claws, fangs, poison or the ability to spray you with foul odors to defend themselves, some animals are given big, doey eyes and fluffy tails to throw us off their trail. Like a squirrel is basically a rat with good public relations. And just like I've always suspected, a deer is a vicious, greedy little theif who'll break into your store and steal your Coronas at the first opportunity. Or as soon as they figure out how to cut a lime. Anyway you won this one, Bambi. But I'm keeping my eye on you.

Bostonherald.com - The ticketholders were told to report to the Museum of Science 2 hours before showtime where they had to surrender their cell phones and cameras and board buses for the theater. At 7:45 p.m. we spotted five charter buses leaving the museum - with a motorcycle cop escort. The final stop on U2’s “3 Nights Live” promo tour, the show featured a filmed 30-minute Q and A session and an absurdly awesome five-song set: “Get on Your Boots,” “Magnificent,” “Breathe” and “I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight,” all from new album “No Line on the Horizon,” and “Vertigo.”

Hey I heard this crazy rumor that U2 was in Davis Square last night playing the Somerville Theater.   Is that true? Did anybody else hear anything about that?    Seriously what the fuck?    Yeah I like U2, but give me a break.  I mean people are acting like this was the greatest day in the history of Boston or something.   Sorry if I’m not freaking out about some concert where they play five songs I’ve never heard of and you need to get bused in from the Museum of Science.  Sounds like a pain in the ass if you ask me.  Don’t get me wrong I like U2, but there are about 50 bands I’d rather see play before them and that’s when U2 is playing their good shit.  And before the “you got to see them live” crowd pipes up I did see them live at the Silverdome back in college and I was totally and completely unimpressed.   Again I like them.  I think they’re a great band but I just don’t get why this was front page news on every news outlet in the city.  Is it just because they’re Irish and this is Boston?   

Click Here For the Answer

(STEPHON MARBURY MISSED THIS SHOT, ALONG WITH 5 OTHERS)


The Celtics dropped another frustrating game to the Miami Heat last night. After getting obliterated in the third quarter, the Celtics crawled back into the game with a ridiculous 16-2 run in the fourth but they still came up a bit short. The Heat are going to be either the fourth or fifth seed in the Eastern Conference, yet the Celtics almost pulled out the victory on the road despite playing a rookie 3-guard against Jermaine O'Neal in the post (advantage: Bill Walker) and missing five guys who have started a game for the Celtics this season.

As I mentioned earlier this week, my big worries were about the foul problems of the Celtics' front line. Inspired, Mikki Moore managed to commit four fouls in the first quarter without even starting the game. Amazing. Combine that with Stephon Marbury's confused-looking 0-6 performance from the field and I think it's safe to say that these guys are not anywhere close to the PJ Brown/Sam Cassell pickups the Celtics got last year. The big difference is that while PJ Brown made his career by fitting himself into a team's offensive and defensive schemes properly, Mikki Moore has made his career by being a spazz that you expect to suck but actually doesn't. As for Sam Cassell, he may have taken some of the worst shots in Celtics history, but he was at least crafty. Stephon Marbury isn't, at all, unless we're talking about his craftiness in convincing an intern to have sex with him in the back of a van.

The silver lining is that Bill Walker looked great, Leon Powe looked great, and presumably once Rondo and KG get back those guys will be able to step up even more in limited roles. Let's not get all panicky- just figure that the bench needed some minutes anyway. While Doc's "we would rather have a healthy KG and be the 7 seed" argument is garbage considering the Celtics didn't win a friggin' road game until the NBA finals last year, this is not the team going to the playoffs, and the Celtics didn't even look that bad!

- Blog by BP at I Heart Celtics

PITTSFIELD — A woman who allegedly intended to artificially inseminate her wife with her brother's semen has been charged with domestic assault and battery.  Jennifer A. Lighten, 33, told police that Stephanie Lighten, her wife, was "all liquored up" when she returned to their Lincoln Street apartment, where the defendant then allegedly tried to use a syringe to inseminate her, according to a police report.  Jennifer told investigating officers that Stephanie "has been talking about trying to impregnate (her) for some time," police said.  "Jennifer said that Stephanie had a 'turkey baster and her brother's semen in a sealed container.' Jennifer said she told Stephanie that she didn't want to get pregnant." That's allegedly when Stephanie threw Jennifer on the couch, grabbed at her clothes and threatened to impregnate her, police said. Jennifer broke free, ran into the  bathroom and locked the door. Stephanie "then broke the bathroom door down," police said, hurting her wrist in the process. When Stephanie went to retrieve an ice pack from the freezer, Jennifer bolted from the apartment and attempted to get away in the couple's sport utility vehicle, police said. As Jennifer pulled away from the scene, Stephanie "jumped on the side of their vehicle, swung the door open and made (Jennifer) stop," Steinman said. According to Officer John Bassi, a witness at the scene claimed Stephanie "was hanging on the SUV door handle, trying to get into the car." Amber Hunt told Bassi that Stephanie nearly caused an accident when the vehicle narrowly missed hitting a tree in the front yard of Hunt's Spring Street home. Detective Thomas H. Harrington said Jennifer Lighten declined "to go forward with charges of assault with intent to rape" because she did not believe "Stephanie was going to sexually assault her with the syringe."

Yawn.  Do me a favor and wake me up when we have an interesting story today.   Seriously how did this story even make the newspapers?   I mean if we made a big deal out of every time a lesbian tried to impregnate her wife with her brother’s semen using a turkey baster that’s all we’d ever hear about on the news.   I mean this shit happens every day.  Granted the part about Stephanie breaking down the bathroom door and then jumping on a moving car was a nice touch but still it’s just your run of the mill domestic dispute.     Happens all the time.   

PS – I know what people are thinking.  If Stephanie wants a kid so bad why doesn’t she just impregnate herself?   Well obviously she wants to keep her DNA in the family.  So she can’t use her brother’s semen on herself because then it would be incest and the kid would be all deformed like it was from West Virginia or something.    Either that or she’s just a pussy and doesn’t want to go through the pain of childbirth.  But I’m leaning towards the first hypotheses.

San Jose - Rita Brum, 24, a first-year teacher at Mt. Pleasant High School in East San Jose, is scheduled to be arraigned Thursday on charges of having sexual relations with a minor — a 17-year-old female student, authorities said. It marks the second time in a week that a female physical education teacher who has worked at a South Bay school was accused of having an illegal sexual relationship with a girl. Last week, Abigail Holloway was arrested in Colorado on suspicion of having a three-year sexual relationship with a student at Kings Academy, a Christian preparatory school in Sunnyvale. The girl was 13 when the alleged illicit relationship started...

It wasn't until Brum invited the girl to her house to watch a Sharks hockey game in early December that they began kissing. The girl told police it was a "long passionate kiss" and she was "freaked out" after, because it was a teacher. The girl told police she and Brum kissed on campus a couple of times and eventually began a sexual relationship. The relationship ended when the girl's mother found a love letter from Brum to her daughter... The mother then confronted Brum at HP Pavilion and pulled her hair during an altercation, according to a police report. Officers at the arena responded to the incident and were told about the illicit relationship.

I believe it was Shakespeare who said "If a hockey game be the language of lesbian love, play on." Ordinarily I wouldn't say a teenage girl should've seen it coming, but come on now. You go to school in South Bay for crying out loud, which is the epicenter of lesbo teacher/student relationships. Sunnydale is to lesbian Sex Teachers what Sunnydale in "Buffy" was to vampires and demons. When a San Jose-area gym teacher asks you over to watch a Sharks game she might as well be saying "Come sit on my couch with me and I'll go down on you so long I'll evolve a blow hole so I can breathe."

The Grades:
Looks: I'm strangely attracted to Rita. She's no one's idea of a knockout, but something tells me she's better than this picture. And she's directing traffic on the intersection of "Intelligent," "Slutty" and "Crazy" which appeals to me for reasons that frighten me. Grade: B-.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: I love that the girl freaked out after that first kiss but that Rita kept at it until she scored. In a town that just had a scandal, no less. I'm sure Rita and Abigail had a lot to talk about at the San Jose Area Lesbian Sex Scandal Teacher Conferences. Grade: B+.
Intangibles: Has there ever, in the history of hockey rink police details, been a more fun police report to write? I can just hear the cops saying "Can you tell us about the illicit relationship again? Slower? And tells more about the passionate kiss part...?" Grade: A.
Overall: B. Again, though, we only like these stories about female students when they involve a female teacher. We're not perverts here.

Have information about a hot female teacher seducing her students? Send it to jerry@barstoolsports.com

Rivals.com - This was a "teaching" moment that comes up for high school coaches from time to time. You know, one of those, "We just got a bad break, and that's life, we have to deal with it."  On March 5 in Cut Bank, Mont., Isaiah Martin, a 5-foot-11 senior guard for Harlem's boys basketball team, dunked during warmups for a high school tournament game with Shelby. There was a shower of glass as the backboard shattered. Harlem had to forfeit the game. According to the Montana High School Association, dunking is not allowed in pregame warmups in tournament play. If a backboard is damaged by a pregame dunk, the offending school must forfeit. The rule was put in 10 years ago.   "I was stunned," Coach Mount said. "At first, the tournament official came to our locker room and said it would probably be a technical for breaking the backboard. Then he came back and asked me to step outside with him. It was in the rule book, in black and white.  If a backboard is broken with a dunk in a game, Mount said there is a technical called, but it is not a forfeit. He wonders why there is a difference. Mount said he told his team no dunking in pregame warmups, but when he got to the tournament there were other teams dunking in pregame. He told his kids it was OK.

As crazy as it sounds I’m kind of torn on this one.   Yeah this obviously sucks and at first blush it seems ridiculous that a team would have to forfeit a game for breaking a backboard in warm-ups.  But a rule is a rule.  I mean giving a team a technical isn’t going to stop it so if you really want to prevent dunking in warm ups you got to go with something crazy like this.  And it sounds like the coach knew his team wasn’t supposed to be jamming, but he let it slide.   Bottom line is that nobody will ever fuck this up again in Montana and that’s kind of the point.  Sure it sucks for Harlem, but what are you going to do?   You can’t just make an exception or act like the rule doesn’t exist because it won’t stop it from happening.   Now if you want to debate whether kids should be allowed to dunk in warm-ups that’s a totally different discussion, but I’m working on the premise they have reasons for this rule existing like they can't afford to fix shit like this and it wasn’t a secret.   So yeah it sucks but so does life.

#5 Carlie Butler looks like she's wound so tight that, like Ferris said, if you shoved a coal in her ass, in a week you'd have a diamond. The 27-year-old Australian's best finish was 5th in the NSW Open, which apparently means she finished without a shirt.

#4 Natalie Gulbis is hard to figure. She actually looks better on the course than when she's in a bikini or working with a professional photographer. Also, what is with the chest? Since when does Nike put out a sports bra that triples your cup size?

#3 Anna Rawson might just be the most requested female athlete to Wake Up with here on the Stool. As another 27-year-old Australian, Anna is a solid smokeshow on this list and since she's just completed her Q School qualifications, you know the part time model could really start to tear it up in the States...