Edible Underwear, Prostitution, 2 Dollars Worth Of Quarters, And A Good Ole Fashioned Stabbing

AUKESHA COUNTY, Wis. —
A Waukesha stabbing earlier this month is a case of he said, she said about self defense, sex and edible panties, according to a criminal complaint obtained by WISN 12 NEWS.

The victim in the stabbing is 70-year-old Dennis Pastorius, of the 900 block of Pleasant Street. Pastorius was stabbed in the shoulder by 32-year-old Tiedanesha Eubanks, who now faces charges of prostitution and first degree reckless endangerment.

“He went on the bus with her downtown back to his apartment and asked if she wanted to come up to his room. They were drinking a beer at that time and they agreed to have sex for money. After finishing having sex, she asked for the money and he stated he didn’t have any. She saw some money, specifically quarters, in his room and he did agree to give her $2 in quarters and an alcoholic beverage. She then noticed a couple of packages which were later identified as edible panties. He stated these were for some other females. She stated she wanted one but he wouldn’t give her one because they were $9. He then noted that she had a knife in her hand and he tried to defend himself and may have punched her in the face but she stabbed him in the shoulder with a knife. She then threw one of the packages and kept one.”

This is a touchy subject for me because, as you know, I’m not a huge fan of edible undies or anything edible in the bed. Normally when you make love, you begin to sweat. If your lover is wearing edible underwear, that sweat can cause the edible undies to break down or bleed onto the sheets. When you finish, (talkin orgasm now) you are likely to fall asleep. If you dont clean your sheets right away, two things happen.

1. Stains. Not good! Sheets are expensive as hell and you dont want cherry fruit by the foot fuckin up your high-thread-count goodies.

2. Bugs. Yuck! Bugs in the bed? Not on my watch.

I understand wanting foreplay and snacking to intermingle like private parts but edible panties just aren’t the way to go. Trust me on this.

It’s too bad this lovely woman didn’t see the edible underwear before they had sex. He would have given them shits away so fast. “Oh, those brief jerkies? Take both of em. They were only nine dollars” See that. See what just happened? Before sex 9 dollars aint shit. After sex, 9 dollars is too much. Giving away money or valuables is like eating ass, you’ll do it before you cum but not after. When you have boner brain, you’re not even thinking about the 9 dollar panties. You’re thinkin bout them guts, son.

You are back to business brain and you are trying to get sex on the low low for like 2 dollars in quarters after you’ve unloaded and shown clear (again, talkin orgasms). That’s basic bargaining, folks. Seems like this fella tried to reverse course on the agreed price. Can’t do that. That’ll get you stabbed 9 times outta 10. The game is the game.