Hey Klemmer! Fuck Off!
Top of the morning Klemmer! I'm glad you did what you were told! Listen, since this is your first time watching the NBA Playoffs, I'll cut you some slack. Anyone that knows ball, knows that no matter what starting 5 is, as long as Coach Spo is coaching the Heat, they will NEVER get swept by that sorry ass franchise in Boston.
Now before I get into the terms you offered me, I need to get something off my chest. I like you Klemmer, every time we go out to dinner we have a great time. The conversations are great, and I enjoy watching the spike level of your hair raise every time you finish a cider. With that being said, I don't trust. How can someone born in New York, lives in New York, claims New York is the greatest city in the entire world, root for a team that plays in Boston? If you picked a team like the Denver Nuggets, or literally anywhere else but Boston, I wouldn't give a fuck who you root for in the NBA. The Boston vs New York rivalry is deeper than just sports. You can't claim to be New York through and through and root for a team in Boston. You can call it policing all you want, I don't give a fuck. Fans don't play in the game, we don't represent the name of the back of the jersey, we represent the name on the front of it. Find me another true New Yorker walking around in Boston Celtics jersey and I'll give you $100. I think that's a much better bet than what you offered me.
Klemmer, Klemmer, Klemmer, what are we doing here? If you want to take me out to dinner just ask me. You know you can't lose this bet. Even if the Heat were somehow able to pull this series out of their ass, you know that coming to Chicago to get laughed at would be a privilege. What would I gain for flying to New York city on my own dime? So you can laugh at my face because the team who is -1800 to win the series beat an 8-seed without two of their three best players? That's like beating someone in a wheelchair in a game of 1 on 1 basketball then laughing in his face.
You want to know how much money I would make if I put $100 on the Celtics to win the series? 5 CENTS! But yeah, let me buy a $400 flight to New York and over pay to stay in some shit hotel that is infested with cat sized rats. No thanks, I'm good! I told you when we were at dinner that I'd be in New York some time this summer, so until then, fuck New York, oh wait I mean Boston!