Low-Effort Blogger Repurposes Brilliant Coworker's Song For Undeserved Clicks

Nicky "Second Hand" Smokes, everybody. If you're a legitimate talent at this company, you can bet your bottom dollar this dude will repackage your work, slap his crappy branding on the package, and ship it off for whatever clicks he can get. I wrote about this phenomenon in March, where I called it the epidemic of blog juicing:

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Dave offered a neutral ruling on the Unnamed Show, saying that he understood both sides. When bloggers write a blog about a big moment at the company, it adds clicks to the blog and brings the work to people who might not have seen it on Twitter, Instagram, a podcast, or wherever it happened. Maybe they only consume the blog and this is their* (edited in post, thank you for your feedback) way to experience the brilliance of Rone's rap about Kevin. 

Fine. I accept that. But in turn, you must accept that I will then rage, rage against the dying of the light. For these blogs are, in my opinion, the dimming of the once-brilliant sun that was the Barstool Sports blog. Rone's rap about Kevin is an absolute FEAST of words, jokes, talent, and humor. And Nicky decided that feast was worthy of a staggering 76 (!!!) TOTAL WORDS. 

Here is the core of Nicky's breakdown: 

Honest question, KFC, are you tryna fuck Ben Stiller? Is he a friend of the show? Or is it just because both of you are Knicks fans? There's probably 100 different ways that you could have went at Rone, but you chose to "drop bars"? Against RONE!? Is you dumb or stupid??

Every single sentence ends in a question mark. Seven questions in a row. Like it's a quiz. It reads like a court transcript of a prosecutor who has not yet realized the witness is deaf. 

No analysis of the lyrics? No synopsis of the Ben Stiller/Rone/Kevin beef? No links to Rone's previous battle rap performances or maybe the Kevin/Nate battle rap or any of the other battle rap feuds that have taken place here? I feel like Matt Damon standing in the bar, talking to the pedantic douche, asking him if he has any thoughts of his own on the matter. 

Speaking of breakdowns, if you're going to write like a 5th grader, I'm going to edit like a 5th grade English teacher. Let's take a red pen to this clogged toilet of a paragraph. 

Tryna. No comment. Embarrassing. You're an eyelash away from "finna" here. 

There's probably 100 different ways. Subject-verb agreement please, for the love of God. 100 ways is plural. The plural of is… is are. We all know this. We all learned this without realizing we were learning it because it might be the first verb we're taught as toddlers. The mind reels. 

Could have went at Rone… if you make this mistake, you're the reason China is playing cat-and-mouse with our cyber infrastructure. Could have WENT? 

Is you dumb or stupid?? I realize Nicky is speaking in a colloquial, culturally-appropriating way. From whose culture he's appropriating, I daren't say. But we all know. And it makes us cringe. 

Listen. I love Nicky Smokes. I consider him a true friend and a good man who is capable of great things here. He is unapologetically himself and I know he'll take this blog, process it, come back with some sort of pillow fight response, and we'll continue to grow together. 

But I still hold the blog somewhat sacred. I get a couple emails a week from readers submitting writing samples, desperate to find some way to work here. And I can tell you that if I were not close friends with Nicky Smokes, and he didn't work at this company, and he sent me the above blog as a writing sample? I'd send his email to spam, block him entirely, and fully cement my impression that the Florida school system is a black eye to our nation.