Top 10 Tuesday: Useless Things We Learned In School

Let me be the first to say that there is a lot of value in learning how to learn, more so than just learning things. There is nothing you learn in a K-12 setting more important than time management, problem solving, and critical thinking. So while I do think there are things on the list I'm about to present that make zero sense as to WHY we learned them, simply learning how to learn them is extremely important.

But with that being said….what the fuck did we have to learn Imaginary numbers for? Let's just stick with, you know, the real numbers. So without further adeiu, here's my list of dumb shit we learned in school just to justify the need to go every single day from 7 am - 2:30 pm:

10. How To Write In Cursive

Let's be honest with ourselves here: there is only ONE reason on the planet right now to be able to write anything in cursive, and that's to be able to sign your name. So instead of spending what felt like an entire grade in school learning how to write all the letters and connect them, why not just take 2 days and teach everyone to correctly sign their name? Whoever invented cursive should be cancelled from history like Christopher Columbus. Not only is it dumb to write, it's impossible to read.

9. Latin

I only put this at #9 because I realize that many of you probably took something useful as your foreign language in school, such as Spanish or French. Me? My school taught me 3 years of Latin. And it wasn't just Latin that I learned, it was HONORS Latin. That's right folks, I have 3 years of honorable experience learning a language that has been dead since around 750 AD. And don't give me some bullshit like they did that this language would give me a head up on aspiring Doctors and Lawyers, of which I am neither.
8. The Parts Of A Cell

Probably a little high on the list, when I actually write this thing out. Every single person that has ever been to school in their life knows that the Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, and since that day that fact was burned into my memory forever, I have used it a grand total of zero times afterwards. Same with the nuclear membrane, cytoplasm, and ribosome.
7. The Egg Drop

The only thing I'll give the time-honored Science class tradition of the Egg Drop is that it was fun. So for that reason alone, I'm fine with it being in the curriculum in grade schools. But what were we learning here? Physics? Yeah, if a egg isn't slowed down and/or softened upon contact, it is going to explode when it crashes into the ground. We knew that before the project.

6. Pi

What even is Pi….? I feel like we learn more about trying to memorize the numbers than actually learning what it was. Like obviously it has something to do with a circle because you have to bring in pies to class on that day, but did we ever actually learn what the number did? I'm probably just forgetting, but that shows how useless the number actually is.

5. How To Use The TI-83 Graphic Calculator

Talk about a racket! Did everyone have to get one of these heading into 9th or 10th grade (unless you were, you know, in the dumb math)? And looking online right now, these bad boys are going for nearly $100 a pop. All because we needed to learn to…..graph shit? Which should be on this list in itself. The only reason I'm not trotting these calculators out at #1 is because they did have one extremely useful feature: the games function. Wait, and the ability to store notes. Now that I think about it, learning how to store formulas inside the notes probably was one of the more useful things I've learned in school….

4. The Periodic Table

I would imagine that there's careers out there that need to know the Periodic Table of Elements, right? But the 5+ careers I have dabbled in do not touch it at all. I guess it makes sense to give kids a taste of Science to let them see if they want to explore it further, but the fact that I had to MEMORIZE every single one of these and their corresponding number, along with the categories they fall in, makes me sick to think about.

3. Geometric Proofs

A strong argument could be made here for the #1 spot in the rankings. I honestly don't even remember much about what these are, but something about Induction and Contradiction jog the memory? Geometry, in my professional opinion, will go down as the most useless course offered in public education. Wouldn't it be nice if we subbed out Geometry for maybe, uhh, learning how to pay taxes?

2. Math

I was going to put Long Division for this one, but the more I think about it, Math as a whole is useless in general. Like, there's not a single aspect of Math outside of basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division that a normal citizen needs to be able to do. And even with that, your phone can do all of that for you. Do you remember some of the shit they had us doing in school? Algebra, Analysis, Calculus. What the fuck was that for?

1. How To Play The Recorder

Don't get me wrong: this list is the USELESS things we learned in school, not things we hated. The recorder lessons in 3rd grade were an electric part of every week, and the in-between time, despite what I'm sure all parents at home felt, was something I actually enjoyed practicing. Pretty sure I could still whip out a recorder and drop a Hot Cross Buns on everyone if I needed to…..but why? I love how some schools taught you to cook, others taught you to sew, some taught you to type, but it seems like ALL taught you to play there record.

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Alright, that's my list. Sub any of these out for a Spreadsheet Course, a Taxes class, a Personal Finance seminar, or a Publishing on Social Media course and this world would probably be in a better place right now.