Kung Fu Master Pulls a Helicopter with His Dong
Source – A kung fu master who dragged seven cars with his penis has become a new world record holder – by towing a helicopter even further with his manhood .
Several hundred people as well as official adjudicators watched as Ye Hongwei, who goes by the stage name “Ye Wei”, towed the heavy military helicopter with a rope tied around his genitals. …
[H]e eventually summons the inner strength necessary to drag the helicopter over 10 metres (32 feet 9 inches) – beating his intended target of 8 metres (26 feet 3 inches).
Mark the date and time. Because this will always be remembered as the exact moment in history the Chinese overtook the West. If we still have a history. A couple of years from now, when we’re all huddled over our work stations, soldering together circuitry for Chinese phones with bayonets in our backs and trying to find ways to sneak up to the roof so we can throw ourselves off, we’ll know that this was the tipping point.
And when that day comes, don’t tell me wouldn’t see it coming. This is all the warning we should need that the Chinese aren’t kidding around. That they’re playing for keeps. I mean, who’s our current best martial arts master? Chuck Norris is a played-out Internet joke. Stephen Seagal looks like Penn Jillette. Jean-Claude Van Damme is nowhere to be found and was never really ours to begin with. The last time we even had a movie with kicking, it was a vanity project for Will Smith’s kid and it was a disaster. But here’s China, with an actual Kung Fu master waving his wang right in our faces and pulling massive vehicles with it just to prove how strong he is and how decadent and weak we’ve become.
Dammit all. It’s embarrassing. We can’t even turn on a TV without sitting through three ads reminding us the once proud American male can’t even get his junk hard without help from Big Pharma. Never mind moving helicopters with the flaccid, useless things. So expecting us to start moving heavy equipment around is asking the impossible, and they know it. Trump campaigned on making the trade deficit with China a top priority? Sorry. Don’t care. Never did. We need to put that on the back burner and close this penis deficit. Make it a national initiative, like the space program. We need every able-bodied man to start learning to yank things with his crank. Cars. Boat trailers. Buses. Dump trucks. Aircraft carriers. Everything. Save our penises while we still have penises left to save.