What If I Told You An 18 Year Old Boy Went 19 Days and 20 Nights Without Cumming?
This is…Barstool Sports 30 for 30: The Master Of His Own Domain
It was Wednesday, February 15th. Barstool Sports intern Robbie Fox was having a typical day; getting his boss coffee, blogging about barbaric human cockfighting, and persistently nagging Resnick, Chief Financial Guy, about receiving $11 per day for his train. At around 1pm, Dave Portnoy’s right hand man Frankie Borelli came storming out of the Barstool Radio control room and pulled the young intern into the studio.
Caleb Pressley had proposed a theory he heard from a medical professional on air: a man cannot go 30 days without cumming himself spontaneously. Portnoy immediately thought of Robbie, as he’s never said no to anything in his desperation to get a job at the company. Before The Rundown went LIVE in Houston, Robbie Fox was filing documents to change his (sweet ass) name to “Sue Perbole” legally before the inevitable El Pres fuck-up got the company sued. So Dave put forward the challenge, and to the shock of the Barstool Radio hosts, Intern Robbie denied.
On the Barstool Rundown that day, it was once again brought up, and a miracle occurred.
Robbie misunderstood. He was foolishly under the impression that his bosses were in full and total control of his penis. Realizing they were not, and his penis was free, the young boy bravely took on the task. No sex, no jerking off, and no cumming for up to 30 days.
Immediately, a star was born. “No cum outta this dick!” he proclaimed. The masses fell in love with Robbie and his inactive cock.
The No Cum Challenge Update became a staple of the Rundown…
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Fox started wearing more Star Wars and WrestleMania apparel to ensure there wouldn’t be a single female on the planet trying to sabotage the challenge, and faced massive adversity when Gleonard Balls spread rumors that he didn’t make it five days, but Portnoy never lost hope in Robbie’s honesty.
Eight days in, the effects of the challenge starting weighing heavily on Rob, who was NOT in the mood to talk about it, or even do his hair in the morning.
At twelve days, Robbie’s (non) hard work paid off, and Erika Nardini offered him a full time job.
Then, deep into the challenge, 4 time MLB All Star Paul Lo Duca was introduced to the master of his own domain, who offered nothing but support, and Robbie discussed his own mother being aware of the lack of jizz leaving his urethra.
Former Olympic boxer Eric Kelly, on the other hand, repeatedly (and unfairly!) insulted Robert and his cock, claiming he “ain’t had pussy since pussy had him”. Sad!
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Luckily, the MMA fighter was quick witted and hilarious, trading blows with Kelly and his droopy eye.
And just when Robbie believed he would make it to the thirty days…..
Cum. Cum everywhere. Wet dream city in the late hours of the night on March 6th. The second miracle over the course of 19 days, this time, more explosive. His jizz-filled Batman underwear were immediately quarantined in a plastic Shop Rite bag and thrown into the outdoor garbage can.
The streak…was over. Robbie, and his penis, were free. Free at last.