Florida Police Rescue Denard Robinson From a Car He Was Napping In That Was Sinking Into a Pond

Jacksonville — Authorities assisted Denard Robinson and a female passenger early Sunday after the Jaguars running back drove a Chevrolet Impala into a retention pond on Jacksonville’s Southside, according to a Sheriff’s Office crash report. Robinson, 25, was asleep at the wheel when an officer responded, but authorities determined he was not impaired and should not face a DUI charge, according to the report. The driver’s side of the car was submerged in the pond, so the officer approached the passenger side and knocked on the window to wake the two up, according to the report. The report said Robinson then “opened his eyes and then went back to sleep.” The officer continued to knock on the window until the passenger, 29-year-old Marissa O. Staples of Cincinnati, said “what’s up,” according to the report. The officer explained the car was in a pond and they needed to get out. Staples attempted to roll the window back up but the officer was able to reach in and unlock the door, according to the report. Staples had to be pulled from the car because she refused to exit, according to the report, and Robinson was asleep the whole time.

After removing the passenger, the officer was able to wake up Robinson, turn off the car and remove his seat belt, according to the report. Robinson thought he was still on the road and didn’t want to exit the vehicle, according to the report. He tried to open the driver’s side door about three times after the officer repeated that the car was sinking in the pond, according to the report. The door was submerged and Robinson eventually got out of the vehicle through the passenger’s side, according to the report. Neither person was injured, and they refused assistance from rescue workers, according to the report.

I respect the hell out of Denard Robinson’s nap game. That’s how you do it. Come hell or high water (this time maybe both) Denard and his girl are gonna get their well deserved Z’s. Sure, from a survival perspective, it’s probably not the best trait to just ignore people telling you you’re about to die. But there are just some naps nobody wants to wake up from. And who knows what he was thinking about while the car slowly sunk into the Florida bog? Probably sugar plums, first downs, and butts in the pool at Everbank. That’s a sweet haze where you can’t separate dream from reality. Denard probably thought he was getting incepted by those cops telling him to not drown so I can’t fault him for any confusion there. Spin a top. Roll some loaded dice or something. Make that chick from Juno explain how she still looks like she’s 15. Otherwise I’m going back to sleep.

P.S. Big L for alligators not eating anyone here. This was a big fat meatball and they didn’t eat anybody so that’s a huge miss