Barstool Enemies Are Dropping Like Flies
What a couple weeks it has been inside this nerdy, dramatic blogosphere world we all live in. In a matter of like 10-14 days, Barstool has made its television debut and some of our mortal enemies have all been murdered. Some of our most hated rivals dead, in the dirt. Deadspin – body bagged by Ted Cruz. Bart Hubbuch – cunceled. Jamie O’Grady – cunceled. Its like Barstool is Arya Stark and we’re just out here crossing names off the list, Thrones Style. If I was Julie DiCaro I’d be sleeping with one eye open. Id be watching my back. Because the universe is coming for that ass. Everyone on the Barstool List is dropping like flies.
The Demise of Jamie O’Grady is particularly sweet. That guy is like the Yin to our Yang. The day he decided to run his hit piece written by no name hack freelancers for page views, we announced our deal with the Chernin Group. What he thought was going to be the shining moment for the Cauldron got completely overshadowed by Barstool officially turning into a professional media outlet backed by one of the most powerful companies in the entertainment industry. And then you fast forward to today and as Barstool is partying over this week’s TV debut, The Cauldron gets axed by Sports Illustrated. We’re checking to see which well established TV shows we beat in the ratings again last night and Jamie O’Grady is packing up his cardboard box of shit. Just a minute ago, The Cauldron was “beyond reproach” and now its homeless.
Its honestly like O’Grady is Mr. Glass from Unbreakable. You ever see that movie? Long story short there are 2 people in the world with polar opposite comic book super hero features. One guy is Mr. Glass – he suffers from a rare disorder that means his bones are insanely frail. The other dude is a cop who has super human strength and is “Unbreakable.” They figure out that they balance each other out in the universe. Thats Barstool vs Jamie O’Grady. Jamie O’Grady and the Cauldron – and, really, all the losers who hate on Barstool and internet humor – are Mr. Glass. And as we continue to grow and kill it, the universe has to even out and crush all the Mr. Glasses of the world. Every Yin has a Yang. For every blog that makes it, another blog must die. Its just the rules of the world. And if things continue to go this way, theres gonna be a lot more bloggers dying.
One day I’ll be unceremoniously fired. One day Barstool will come to an end. Eventually it happens to everyone. Eventually your number gets called, too. And I’m sure people will dance on my grave as well. But not yet! Not today! Today is Jamie O’Grady’s funeral, not mine. Jamie O’Grady was such a weasel trying to play both sides and play nice, all while publishing some nonsense attempting to call me out. So its one of those moments you just shrug your shoulders, drink some tea with Kermit, and acknowledge that Barstool cant be stopped because we’re funny and give people what they want and sites like The Cauldron are so sanctimonious and so far up their own assholes that they cant realize they’re just dead men walking.
