Elizabeth Hurley Batting Lead Off In the Starting Lineup Of Sexiest Chicks Over 40
Elizabeth Hurley is 50. FIFTY!!! That picture was posted yesterday, from 2015, on her instagram. Thats nuts man! Absolutely fucking nuts. She’s had a major career. From her days in Austin Powers to that movie where she was the slutty devil in Bedazzled to yesterday’s instagram she’s had a very very impressive career being a woman that I would really really like to have sex with.
Right now we live in a Golden Era of Hot Old Bitches. Its probably because this is the first crop of super smokes to get old while having easy access to plastic surgery and botox and all sorts of other cosmetic enhancements. I personally like to subscribe to the idea that Christie Brinkley is the Gate Keeper of a Fountain of Youth and she has a select group of women who get access to this magical water. Either way – whether its surgery or a potion or elixir of some sort – there’s a crop of chicks who I want to have sex with WAY past their normal expiration date. Without further adieu I give you the Starting Lineup For Sexiest Chicks Over 40:
1. Elizabeth Hurley
My Ricky Henderson. Its been said before that Hurley technically has a “perfect face.” Her face legitimately displays the “Golden Ratio” and the may physically technically be perfect as far as beauty is considered. At FIFTY she’s a veteran her just understands the game. Great leadoff hitter.
2 Kate Beckinsale – 42
The sabrmetric statisticians will tell you that your best hitter should bat second. If you subscribe to that notion, batting Beckinsale in the 2 hole would absolutely be a viable solution. Kate Beckinsale is the prettiest girl to ever walk the face of the earth. She’s my all time #1 go-to chick. Just an absolute stunner.
3. Christie Brinkley – 61. Sixty. One.
The Greatest of All Time. I’m a traditional guy. Your best hitter in the 3 hole. Christie Brinkley is arguably the hottest woman ever and she’s undoubtedly the hottest 50+, and now 60+ chick. Its like how Barry Bonds is the only member of the 400/400 club, and the 500/500 club. Shes the Benjamin Button of Smokeshows and I dont think there will ever be a hotter 60 year old ever.
4. J Lo
We’re talking heavy hitters now. J Lo has a sex factor that not many other women on this planet have. She’s an MVP candidate as far as chicks aging backwards. She’s got that ass. Shes got those Latina dance moves. Come get some. A Puerto Rican power house right in the middle
5. Sofia Vergara – 43
Back to back, and belly to belly! J Lo and Vergara are like the Bash Bros of fictional baseball lineups of chicks over 40. Not since Manny and Papi has there been a bigger, more powerful Hispanic combo. Sofia Vergara is the big bopper of chicks 40 plus. Spicy Latina with a body that wont quit. As long as she doesnt open her mouth we’re fine.
6. Jennifer Aniston – 46
You need a consummate professional in the 6 spot. Someone who knows how to handle themselves. Keep the rally going when the big bats get aboard. The difference between just a couple good bats and a full, well rounded lineup begins with the 6 hitter and Jennifer Aniston is a lifetime smokeshow. From Rachel to the stripper chick on We Are The Millers to the whore boss on Horrible Bosses, she’s always been an absolute sex bomb.
7. Heidi Klum – 42
She’s lost a bit of bat speed. She’s not quite the smoke she used to be. The Donald even said she’s not a 10 anymore. But goddamit Heidi Klum can play for my team any day. Still one of the hottest chicks of all time. An all time smokeshow that maybe cant be your 3 hitter anymore but, holy shit, Heidi in the 7 hole? Thats just not even fair. (Ps – It should be noted though that 42 is not that old for this list.)
8. Elle MacPhereson – 51
The BODY. Another 50+ chick on this bombsquad. I thought about going Demi Moore (52) here but she’s just not on Elle’s level. The Bikini Body to end all Bikini Bodies. She’s Christie Brinkley Lite. And having an all time smoke at the bottom of the lineup like this is simply preposterous. Shes a Hall of Fame presence. The wily veteran who’s been in the game for decades and has more experience and knowledge than half the lineup combined.
9. Sandra Bullock – 51
I could have gone a lot of different ways here. But I’m going with Sandra Bullock. Kinda seems like one of those “2nd leadoff hitter” in the 9 slot. She’s 51 (Did NOT expect that. Would have said 45 at the most) and shes very under the radar because she’s prude. But make no mistake she can turn on a fastball at the drop of a hit. When she flips that switch she can go toe to toe with anybody out there.
Thats my 1-9. I omitted Angelina Jolie because I’m just not a huge Jolie guy and I dont think she can coexist with Jennifer Aniston. Jolie feels like an Arod type to me. Talented, sure. But I’m looking for a good clubhouse atmosphere. Her husband stealing ass running around with a thousand kids from Africa aint good for team chemistry. I also omitted Cindy Crawford because I just remembered her now and this blog took a really long time and I dont want to go back and redo it so, Cindy, your out! Sorry. Also Halle Berry and Stacy Dash – deep down I’m probably too racist. They should be on there over Sandra. But what can I say bro? I got a thing for Sandra Bullock. Thats one classy, sexy old broad.
I also left off Diane Lane because while Unfaithful is better than porn I just dont think she’s as hot as the other chicks.
Marisa Tomei is the big snub of the list. It is what it is. All star teams are always controversial.