Tip Of The Cap To This 49-Year-Old Florida Grandma Arrested In A Bikini For A DUI Crash With Her 10-Year Old Grandchild

NAPLES, Fla – A day at the pool with grandma turned into a frightening evening for a little boy who narrowly escaped injury after a severe car crash. Collier County Sheriff’s Deputies reported Patricia Ebel, 49, was intoxicated when she drove her BMW into a car that was stopped at the intersection of Goldengate Parkway and Livingston Road. Ebel was driving with her 10-year-old grandson at the time after the pair had been swimming, deputies said.

If you’re gonna do Florida, you’re gonna do Florida right. Screw rocking a grandma bikini HARD or driving smashed with a child in the back. Having the distinction of being a grandmother before your 40 is like a badge of honor in the Sunshine State. And yes, it bothers me a great deal that this drunk biddy of a mess can afford a BMW while my shit 2003 Saab can’t pass its inspection without me giving up a kidney. Kind of hard to do when the steering wheel falls off at will and brakes literally sound like The Thing. Wonder if she’s interested in being a sugar grandmama.

And hey pal, ease up on the Blue Steel. You should shoot for that coveted anchor position the old fashioned way with actual talent or slinging producers, not having your cheekbones look like something chiseled by Michelangelo.