My Favorite Stories About Blackhawks President John McDonough

Over the years I’ve written about John McDonough a lot. John McDonough is a SUPERB marketer and there is nothing he markets better than John McDonough. The image he has cultivated doesn’t exactly jive with the stories I’ve been told. Now with the Blackhawks in disarray and John the ultimate authority figure I think it’s time to share some of my favorite stories I’ve heard about him. I love a good yarn. I don’t know if these are 100% true, or even 1%. They’re just a collection of things I’ve jotted down since I’ve started at Barstool. I’ve shared some of the hockey related ones in the past, but now feels like a good time to get to John McDonough the man…allegedly.

1) John McDonough And Cupcakes

Have you ever seen a cupcake that looks like this?

Well if you’ve ever hit the dessert cart at Blackhawks game after John McDonough you have. John McDonough has been known to lick the frosting off of a cupcake and then put the frosting-less cupcake back on the tray with the rest of the cupcakes just in case someone else wanted to eat one with his spit. Just sugar, no carbs, that’s the McDonough.

2) The Reason For Firing Dale Tallon

Dale LOVES him some golf. He’s incredible. Tallon actually won the 1969 Canadian Junior Golf championship and he never stopped golfing. Especially in the summer. After John McDonough came on he could never find Dale when wanted him because Tale was on the course. Getting his work done from a cart. That rubbed Big John the wrong way. John couldn’t find Dale when wanted him and he could never control him. He hated him for that so he looked for an excuse to can him. He eventually found it and the rest is history.

3) Office Attire

Nice shirt, right? Not in John McDonough’s organization. He has sent male employees home for having shirts that are “too brightly colored”. Earth tones only, you idiots! McDonough has Mr Burns vibes. Change that shirt and trim those side burns!

4) Dark Shirts Also Not Acceptable

Remember how sweet these jerseys were back in the day? Everyone loved them. Everyone except Big John. The only reason why the Blackhawks don’t have a consistent alternate jersey that most teams have is John McDonough just said…nah I don’t like that one.

5) WHO IS THE LEAK?!?!

Big John was known for storming around the office anytime Hawks news got out. He’d interogate employees from all departments trying to get people to admit to being a source for the media. Then a month or so later there would a puff piece written by one of his allies at the Chicago Tribue or SunTimes. Shades of OJ out there trying to find Nicole’s real killer.

6) John McDonough Killed A Marian Hossa Trade In The Summer Of 2017

Stan Bowman was on Chiclets a few weeks ago and said that he had been “trying to trade Marian Hossa for over a year”. Stan had convinced another GM to take Hossa, but not his President. Bowman allegedly had a deal in place last summer, but thought it was bad optics to trade Hossa at that point. Not sure if it was worse optics than finishing in like dead last, but sure.

7) Do Your Homework, Even If It Wasn’t Assigned

John McDonough supposedly sent a Vice President in the organization home for not reading the newspaper in the morning before he came to work. Why that VP was supposed to read it that day…I don’t know, neither did he. But go home, dude. Read the paper.

8) John McDonough, Big Credit Guy, Big Jewelry Guy

In case you forgot, John McDonough was a big whig with Cubs before moving over to the Hawks. Well apparently the Cubs forgot because they had the audacity to not give John McDonough a World Series ring when they won in 2016. John McDonough was very loud about how he felt the Cubs should’ve given him a ring. I mean he built the Cubs pretty much, don’t forget. Give him credit for a championship you won about a decade after McDonough left, Cubs. Show some respect. Kiss the ring and give him one.

9) Your Birthday Is Cancelled 

I love a good blizzard. Who doesn’t? Well John is very particular about them. One time, allegedly of course, John McDonough thought that the Blizzards from DQ were “too frozen”. So he cancelled the birthday party. If John doesn’t get his climate controlled blizzard on his time then nobody gets to have one. Throw that shit out, and maybe you’ll get a birthday next year, Becky. Or just let them thaw before you invite John over for that peanut buttercup blizzard.

I am sure there are hundreds of stories about McDonough like this. He seems like one of a kind, allegedly. Maybe there’s more that are worse. I don’t know. Hard to say. Allegedly.