The Dallas Cowboys Stink Out Loud And There's Only One Way To Fix It

Kayce Smith11/06/2018 3:30 PM

Not-so-breaking news: The Dallas Cowboys STINK.

Last night’s MNF game as a whole was brutal. Neither team looked like they actually wanted to win the game. It was sloppy. It was gross. It was zero fun, sir. What started out as promising for Dallas (and a should-be 17-0 lead) ended up basically burying their 2018 season and taking the only first round pick in 2019 with it. Even with a shitty NFC East this year.

Wait, a Jason Garrett team isn’t going to make the playoffs? Shocker!!! What happened to the whole “they’re going to look revived with Amari Cooper and an extra week to prepare for a bad Titans team (and go on vacation) narrative?”

Well, for those keeping track at home, last night’s offense looked a little something like this:

- One of the best backs in the game: 0 TDs, 61 yds, 3.6 ypc
- The QB who was ranked the 14th OVERALL NFL player by his peers just two seasons ago: 1 INT, 1 fumble and an overwhelming amount of “I don’t really think I know what I’m doing” plays.
- The brand new toy that cost a 1st round pick: 58 yds, 1 TD*

*Amari Cooper was the only good thing last night. It was clear from the start that the two-time Pro Bowler can add a much-needed layer to this offense. The man can run a route. He’s reliable. He’s versatile.

But he “can not fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time” – Gisele.

The defense didn’t look so hot either. Sure, they forced two fumbles early on (and the offense only converted one), but overall they were not good. Too may big plays to a non-deserving QB. And Sean Lee’s body just hates him at this point. Oh, and you can’t miss FGs if you want to win football games. That’s just a fact.

We could talk Xs and Os all day about why this team stinks, but it doesn’t really matter. We’ve seen enough football this season (and most seasons recently) in Dallas to know why they’re garbage.

It’s time to clean house and start over.

Fire Jason Garrett. It’s been time. Fire Scott Linehan. The play-calling is atrocious. Figure out if Dak Prescott can actually play football in the NFL. If he can’t (which is looking likely), forget the big contract in a year and find somebody else who can. You can’t just keep firing position coaches and expect different results.

And that seems pretty logical to me and EVERYONE else with a brain who is watching this team suck week in and week out. Well, it makes sense to everyone except the owner who is too stubborn and too prideful to actually do anything about said sucking. I mean, Jerry came to their defense AGAIN last night after the season-defining clown show we watched in AT&T Stadium. AKA – He’s back on his bullshit.

Update: Jerry plans to also extend Dak which he announced… today…

My brain hurts.

I was on-board with the Amari Cooper trade if it meant that Jerruh was proving he was going to start making moves to better this team. Turns out, my Dallas born heart should’ve known better. He’s not planning on doing anything about the reason this team is as bad as they are. And the Cowboys will limp to the end of another missed-playoff season with the clapper clapping his way home to reminisce on the one season he was worth a shit as a head coach.

It’s just pathetic.

But hey, at least JG had a nice time at the World Series. Sure hope he enjoyed himself. And fuck everybody who said I overreacted to him being there during the bye week. How’s that little national TV vacay on the front row with Brad Paisley looking now??