The Most Overrated Coach In Sports History: Gordon Bombay
I’ve been meaning to write this blog for awhile now and this Jackie Robinson West stuff gave me the perfect excuse. Stacking youth teams with a few ringers is American as apple pie. JRW grabbing a few kids from just outside their district shouldn’t be a crime. That’s what All-Star teams are all about. And this is America. Kids should be able to play for whichever organization they want. The first guy to ever complain about kids playing for teams outside their district…Gordon Bombay. He turned Adam Banks’ life upside down. People always talk about Bombay in a positive light and I don’t get it. The guy was literally the worst coach of all time.
–He never wanted to coach the Ducks. He was there because he was an alcoholic yuppie lawyer doing community service because he got a DUI
–As if he didn’t endanger enough lives with his DUI, his first action as coach of the Ducks was to interrupt practice by driving on a frozen pond with a one ton limo. Then he has the audacity to say he knows how safe the ice is. Hey Gordo, you just got a DUI, don’t preach to us about safety.
–Gordon Bombay: the motivator
Probably the worst post-game speech in the history of coaching. Then followed it up by teaching them how to dive, flop, and cheat their way to a win. Which also didn’t work. Luckily there was a 12 year-old there to give him a lesson in morality.
–Yeah he got his boss to sponsor the team. Got them uniforms and equipment, but he also fostered a culture of racism. Oreo Line? Really Bombay?
–HE FUCKED CHARLIE’S MOM!!!!
–Steals Adam Banks away from the Hawks on a technicality. That was low. Adam had always been a Hawk. His whole family were Hawks. All of his friends. Now some bullshit redistricting loophole says he has to play for the Ducks. Does Bombay take the high road and put the child’s happiness first, or does he threaten to make sure Banks never plays another game because he’s still bitter at his childhood coach? Pathetic. And it’s not like Bombay was some steward for roster rules. In any Youth Hockey league, rosters are submitted at the beginning of the season and those things are iron clad. Yet Bombay comes in and starts adding players left and right. Adding figure skaters and Fulton Reed. Oh what’s that Fulton, nobody wants you to play hockey because you have such a bright future in football? Oh well you’ve got a cannon so I’m going to manipulate your child brain and jeopardize your entire future.
–Yeah, but he won Chief. State Champs. Can’t take that away. Yeah he won, but let’s not forget that he never should have made the playoffs. The Panthers got the measles and had to forfeit the season. Otherwise the Ducks never make the playoffs. Oh, and maybe hijacking the best player in the league helped too.
Everyone wants to suck his dick for winning Gold at the Junior Goodwill Games, but lets take a look at that tournament.
–Bombay led the team to wins over Trinidad & Tobago and Italy. Not exactly World Hockey powers. Their stiffest competition comes from Iceland. Another team that has never won anything. Let’s not act like this was the Miracle on Ice 2.
–HE FUCKED THAT CHICK FROM TEAM ICELAND! THE ENEMY. Jk, I don’t have a problem with this at all. That’s what the Olympic Village is all about. Go out and get some strange.
(I googled her and recent pics came up…don’t do that. It’s not pretty. Keep the memory of the hot Viking chick alive)
–People seem to forget that Bombay went missing during that tournament and USA almost had to forfeit because they didn’t have a coach. Thank god Ms. MacKay was there and Charlie ran the bench. You can’t just no-show and then arrive in the 3rd period playing the Kazoo and expect everything to be okay. You’re the head coach. How about some accountability.
–More roster manipulation. Once a tournament starts you can’t just pick up kids off the street because they have a knuckle puck. Honestly, I don’t really care about this so much. You want fat black kids and figure skaters on your team, go for it. You just can’t cry about Banks wanting to play for the Hawks because that makes you a hypocrite.
–He’s a sexist, plain and simple. I don’t want to be one of those hockey twitter eggs that cries sexism at every turn, but the fact that he went with fat ass Goldberg instead of Julie The Cat was ridiculous. Goldberg, the funny fat guy, was born to be a backup goalie. Cracking jokes, farting, keeping the team loose. He’s there for morale. Julie is there to win and yet she didn’t play until the Gold medal was on the line. She was clearly the better goalie.
–Finally, perhaps his worst discretion, in the Gold Medal game Bombay THREW THE USA JERSEY IN THE TRASH. I mean that’s downright treason. Take off your USA sweaters and throw on the sweaters of my Ducks because this about me. Even though I skipped a game because I don’t really care about you.
So if you want an alcoholic, racist, sexist, manipulator, mom-fucker, who hates America, then I guess Bombay is your guy. I’m looking for a better option than a washout. He’s not even a has-been. He’s a never-was.
vote 1 if you think Bombay is the worst, vote 10 if you think hes so bad that he should be in jail