Missouri House Speaker Resigns After Inappropriate Texting With 19 Year Old Intern, Let's Rate His Text Game

Ah yes, nothing better than a good old fashioned political scandal involving some big swinging dick and a young hot intern. We just talked earlier today about how reading text messages out of context are absolutely hilarious, well add in a middle aged horny guy and they become basically the best thing ever. Let’s dive right in.

Text 1

Solid 7/10. I like that John has adapted to the times. Namely, the use of the winky face tongue wagging emoticon.

As well as the use of “sooooo”. Sets the vibe that he may be an old white dude and technically her boss but he’s also totally down to throw on a backwards hat, play some pong, and rage with some sorority girls. Adaptable. Like that.

 Text 2

7.5/10

Nothing gets a 19 year old chick horny quite like a picture of you standing in front of an expensive car. I actually don’t know this for a fact but it sounds right.

Munich is cool place, oh shit is that a Rolls Royce behind me? Didn’t even notice, lol.

Text 3

8/10

Selfie City, again, keeping up with the times, like your style John.

Text 4

9/10

Oh shit, John boy going into overtime. Once he starts he does not stop and he will 100% leave you quivering. Put that shit on a billboard, hell of a sales slogan.

Text 5

5/10

Not great but I do like the fact that she has his name saved as “Frank Underwood”. You know they got into some weird role playing where he was the President of the United States and she some top staffer, only to wake up and realize they were living in Missouri.

All in all I give him a solid B. Could have you used a little more aggression but I appreciate the adaptability and the fancy cars. Needed a few more texts getting a little more explicit to take this to an A but that’s not for everyone either. Now who knows the person on the other end of the phone? Asking for a friend