ESPN Did This Old Man Rizzing Up Livvy Dunne So Dirty

I try to live my life under the assumption that most people are good. Sure, it's come back to bite me in the ass once or twice. Like when I got swindled in Vegas by a man with a fake $1000 souvenir poker chip, but I've found it to be true a majority of the time. Most people do not have ill-intentions. Most people are not intentionally bad, or out to get you, or creepy, or whatever negative characteristics we're so quick to project onto them. It's very easy, and very fun to look at a situation without context and jump to conclusions about it. The internet loves that shit. I love that shit. I'm pretty sure that's what I'm paid to do here.

To be honest, I didn't even want to write this blog. Writing this blog makes me just as bad as this sicko cameraman (or woman) at ESPN. I wasn't going to do it. But then I remembered my training. I asked myself, "Can I put Livvy Dunne's name in the title of this blog and get a stupid amount of clicks for very little work?" If the answer is yes, then you proceed with the blog. So here we are.

Advertisement

But in a surprise twist, I will not be white knighting for Livvy Dunne. I will not be casting aspersions on this old sir. I will not regurgitate a series of names with the word "rizz" jammed into the middle of them (i.e. Rizzly Bear, Leonardo DiCaprizzo, Erizzabeth Holmes, Kim Jong Un Supreme Leader of The People's Rizzpublic of North Korea, etc.), and I won't even type out the phrase, "Can you believe this grandpa rizzed up Livvy Dunne?"

Nope. I refuse to do it. Today is not that day. Today I throw you a curveball, as I will be white knighting for this kind old gentleman who wanted nothing more than a wholesome autograph from LSU's #1 internet & on-campus celebrity. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with a 60+ year old man getting an autograph from an impossibly hot 20 year-old gymnast. 

Could this man have recognized Livvy Dunne from the millions of posters that are probably plastered around LSU's campus and thought to himself, "If I take this hat up to her and tell her my fake granddaughter wants an autograph then I'll finally know what she smells like?" Sure. That could be what happened. But do you know what is way more likely? That he actually has a granddaughter, and is just a nice guy doing his best. He was probably so excited to see Livvy Dunne, because his granddaughter is a gymnast who grew up in Baton Rouge, and Livvy Dunne is her hero. He probably thought to himself, "Gee willikers, I'm finally going to be the cool grandpa. My sweet little angel of a granddaughter will be so impressed when I come back from Omaha with signed Livvy Dunne memorabilia just for her." Don't you think that's more likely? I choose to believe so.

Poor guy. ESPN did him so dirty. That camerahuman knew exactly what they were doing. They saw an old man, who just so happens to be cursed with a case of 'creep face', peering over Livvy Dunne's shoulder as she signed an autograph. It's not his fault his face looks that way. He's from the south. That's the face of a kind southern gentleman who is proud of himself for actually recognizing a celebrity that his granddaughter cares about. It's also the face of Steve Spurrier. This Steve Spurrier-esque man has no idea what jokes are being made on the internet at his expense because some asshole smut blogger couldn't help himself from rewinding YouTubeTV and taking a picture of what he thought knows was an innocent moment. I feel terrible for him. Luckily for him, I had the courtesy of coming to his defense. God speed, old man. I hope your definitely real granddaughter loves the autograph.