Breaking Down Marty Mush's Pathetic Baseball Swing

White Sox Dave8/11/2023 4:50 PM

Giphy Images.

Yesterday morning I was driving to the office. Needless to say I was texting my hoes, checking Twitter and creeping on random instagram models for the 15 min commute. My eyeballs zeroed in on this girl:

I scrolled through her profile to about June of 2018 while successfully slamming on my breaks and narrowly avoiding all the cars in front of me any time there was a traffic signal. Mission was accomplished, two mins left in my commute. Next up: my main timeline.

On my main timeline I was greeted by that (formerly, fuck) snaggle toothed clown dick Marty Mush trying to swing a baseball bat with the Savannah Bananas:

The juxtaposition of going from this goddess…

to Marty fucking Mush made me want to puke. But that didn't stop my coaching juices from flowing, so I decided to nit pick his swing because that's what baseball guys with baseball brains like me do.

Giphy Images.

Let's start with his pre-swing load:

I'll start with the ~~good~~ not horrible: I actually like weight distribution between his back/drive leg and hip and his front/balance leg. I'd say he has a nice 65-35ish split when he lands on his front foot, which should lead to a pretty high quality leg drive THROUGH the baseball on contact. Whether or not he is explosive enough to actually drive his back hip and leg through the baseball remains to be seen.

He's got a nice little pre-pitch rhythm going here too. Proud of you Marty, you little rat.

Now we get to the bad: His hands are dog shit. I can tell right now with this swing that he doesn't stand a single solitary chance against even decent velocity on the inner half of the place or better yet, on the fists. If I'm a catcher I'm calling fastballs in every single pitch based on his pre-swing hand placement. His hands tell me he's going to have a SLOW barrel through the zone because his hands are so far away from the point he'll actually make contact with the baseball at and he'll be slowed down when he has to yank his hands back in prior to contact.

And that bat path/attack angle is BAD:

Hey Marty, what year is it? 1988? LMFAO! Are you trying to slap a single and win a 1-0 pitcher's in 1 hour and 43 mins after an amphetamine bender? How in the fuck are you supposed to generate ANY launch on contact with a bat path that's attacking the pitch at a checks notes 0 degree angle?

Hit bat path couldn't be flatter and that's why he's beating baseballs into the ground here at worst, and hitting line drives at best. Have fun moving runners over like it's 1984, Marty! You'll have a nice .270/.300/.350 slash line with hands like this!!!

If he can't turn and lift a BP dick ball, how's he supposed to turn on/lift 91MPH heater from random studs like this?

Answer: he can't.

And then we get to my favorite part of a hitter's swing, the legs and core.

This is where ALL of a hitter's power is generated from, and as one could easily deduce, Marty has almost none. Here's his leg drive (or lack there of) in still shots:

If he were getting any forward momentum through the pitch via back leg drive, hip drive and core torque, Marty's swing would look something like this:

Not sure this guy is, but that swing is FLAWLESS. His black live drives through the baseball like he's a linebacker filling the A gap on a fullback. He explodes through the baseball masterfully, and the contact between the bat and baseball reflects that. If I were still in the coaching game, I'd be on the horn with every high end D1 school or high end JUCO in the country trying to pimp this kid out to them.

This blog isn't about this random stud though. It's about Marty Mush. Let's check on his finish:

If I could describe his finish in GIF form, it'd be this:

PUKE! The top hand!! My god the top hand!!! Roll over city like you read about!!! If Mush played for the Mets, he'd be at the TOP of Frank the Tank's hit list. 6-4-3 double plays ALL GODDAMN DAY.

Compare it to this: