Here Are Potential Blog Ideas For Chris Klemmer That Would Make Him Less Of A Boring Dweeb And In Dave's Good Graces

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So the Dave v Klemmer beef picked up a little again today after Kirk did his usual instigating on Barstool Radio. That led to Dave posting an exchange he had with Klemmer asking him why he can't crack the top 20 in the blogger rankings. Klemmer wrote a huge blog full of excuses about how "disappointed" he is that he can't write 10 relatively interesting blogs in a week span that would put you square in the top 15:

Let's help Klemmer out a little bit. We want less baseball. No more NYC "fun facts" for a bunch of readers who think it's a complete cesspool and won't click anyway. You want to get in the top 20? Dip your toes in a little smut. Write about how Keegs only gets pageviews when she's ripping apart her unsuspecting colleagues for a little bit of acceptance and Twitter likes. Make three blogs about how you bodied Dave on Radio and will do it again with no hesitation. Call Francis gay. Or do the Castellani method of writing 160 blogs in a month that only 100 people click but that still in theory adds up to 16,000. Write some paragraphs about colleagues and put it under the guise of power rankings. Your final option is to just blog about internal Barstool drama like me and rake in some third party views because people see drama, they click. Sorta like this exact blog! There are plenty of choices here pal.

Study the game a little bit. There's value in watching film. We have blogger data that shows you exactly what blogs are performing well and get clicks and what aren't. Spoiler alert: Klemmer's top 100 movies of the 90's series couldn't be more of a human rain delay blog if he tried. Abysmal numbers that I can't share here because it's probably not allowed, but he would make a small town in bumblefuck Wyoming look like New York City with the pageviews he gets on those. The Dave blog he wrote did around 1000x more pageviews and that's being conservative. Play the hits KLEMMER! 

Ultimately, anyone who knows Dave knows that he's purely an effort guy. Look at how our social media troll Meek Phil spawned from the trenches last night after Dave realized he's just matter over mind: 

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Full bully heart effort and now he's on Dave's good side forever so long as he doesn't fuck up. Klemmer is currently 22nd in output but putting out boring shit so he's probably more like 30th in pageviews. And if you're team Chris over Dave, then maybe it's time to give him some pageviews or get a click farm going so he can stay employed. Or just take some of this advice and write something that people actually want to click. You don't even have to be literate. Look at Marty Mush. And once they do, the good news is the click counts, and the company makes money, so even if you get called a robotic piece of shit blogger in the comment section, you actually win, not them. And then Dave will focus his energy on Smitty instead. Good luck to the People's Champ.