Dave Portnoy Missed a Golden Opportunity To Give a Live Performance of "Rise Pageviews Rise" at One Bite Pizza Fest
I can see it right now. The crowd is going wild. People are packed shoulder to shoulder in the audience of the the first ever Barstool Sports One Bite Pizza Fest. The weather was shitty, but it didn't matter. It was a modern day Woodstock. Dante The Don was on the 1's and 2's. Smoke machines going crazy. Small businesses are being supported like a mother fucker. Only one thing would have made the moment better.
Advertisement
The place would have exploded. The environment was perfect for it. A man in the front row is holding a sign of Dave's head. Imagine Dave emerging from the smoke, Dante hit's the Willy Wonka beat, and Dave hits the One Bite Pizza fest with a "FUCK KEVIN CLANCY YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT ALONE."
Would have been great. Would it have made any sense whatsoever in the context of a pizza fest? Nope, not whatsoever. But when you find yourself on a stage with pyrotechnics in front of thousands of adoring fans and you have an original hit rap song in your back pocket, you gotta let it rip.
But despite a lack of live Dave Portnoy rap performance, One Bite Pizza Fest is a hit. Despite the rain, and despite the Washington Posts best effort to prevent pizzerias across the city from making money, fans of Barstool & pizza came out in droves to show support.
It's really awesome to see how much the business owners love being a part of the festival. Everybody showed up to make incredible pizza in appropriately sized shirts looking handsome as hell #nohomo
Advertisement
It's just a shame Dragon Pizza couldn't make it. Maybe next year if they dial back the parmesan, and don't accost Dave Portnoy in an inappropriately sized Star Wars shirt and give him the middle finger and tell him to go fuck himself for 5 minutes straight, then they'll catch an invite.
Unfortunately, I couldn't be there today. I have some lactose intolerant family in town. But from everything I've seen online the festival is a smashing success (even without a Rise Pageviews Rise performance).
Advertisement
Also, did Dom Of The Year show up? I know Dom Of The Year is looking to get his rap career off the ground. If there was ever a place Dom Of The Year could be a celebrity, it's at the One Bite Pizza Fest. If he played his cards right, I bet he could have found a way on stage himself.