Curfews, $100 Parking, And Restricted Beach Access - The City Of Miami Breaks Up With Spring Breakers

Very smart to use attractive people for this message. Had it been someone like me relaying this information I would have felt furious even though I'd never wind up there in a million lifetimes (was more of an Ocean City, MD type gal aka broke trash). But yeah, according to the city's website, Spring break in Miami is going to be about as fun as Chris Klemmer counting rice in solitary confinement. 

Expect curfews, security searches and bag checks at beach access points, early beach entrance closures, DUI checkpoints, bumper-to-bumper traffic, road closures and arrests for drug possession and violence.

If you still decide to go, make sure you're not parking in the wrong spot. The nonresident towing rate will be over half a grand. There was more but you catch the drift; It's going to suck.  

Of course this all because the last three years, and especially last year, didn't go so well. The damage was so extreme it outweighed the income brought in by the rush. 

A chaotic 2023 spring break in Miami Beach saw two deadly shootings and 488 arrests — more than 230 of which were felony offenses, according to Miami Beach Police. More than 100 firearms were seized. Scenes of the chaos along Ocean Drive appeared in national news shows.

Advertisement

If I were Daytona or Panama City I'd be shaking in my flip flops right now bracing for the runoff, but too bad. All I care about now is Miss Peaches having a peaceful Spring in Miami, so crushing the party there is fine by me. So help me God if a drunk college kid so much as stumbles near her stroller…