Dedicated Loch Ness Monster Hunters Are Requesting Help From NASA
NY Post - After 90 years of unsubstantiated Loch Ness monster sightings, Scotland’s Loch Ness Centre has turned to an unlikely source to aid them in their ongoing hunt for Nessie: NASA.
“We are hoping that Nessie hunters around the world will help us reach the people at NASA,” said Aimee Todd, marketing manager for the monster hunting institution, located in Drumnadrochit, per the Independent. “We are hoping to reach them through the power of social media.”
When asked how NASA could help, she explained: “Experts from NASA might have some advanced imaging technology to scan the loch. We would have to sit down and talk to them about how to get it here.”
They hope that the space agency, and other experts, can help them in their latest search, which goes down on the 90th anniversary of the first-ever organized surface watch of Loch Ness.
I'm not especially well-versed when it comes to the Loch Ness Monster. I'm more of a Big Foot guy myself. More specifically, I'm a 'Big Foot hunter' guy. I'm a huge fan of the mountain men who live in cabins in the Pacific Northwest and dedicate their life to Big Foot. The guys who spend all their money on night vision goggles and state of the art cameras. The guys who've spent years perfecting the perfect high-pitched Big Foot call. The guys who scoff at anyone who dares suggest that their goal of encountering a Big Foot is completely futile, and that they're wasting their lives on something that doesn't exist. Those guys rule. I wish I loved anything as much of Big Foot guys love Big Foot.
I can only assume Loch Ness Monster guys are similar, only they have funnier accents and wear plaid kilts instead of camouflage. Much like Big Foot guys, I respect the Loch Ness Monster guy's unwavering confidence in the fact that the Loch Ness Monster (Nessie) exists. Confidence to the point that they truly believe NASA is going to take the time to deploy whatever high-tech equipment they have to middle of nowhere Scotland and scan 21 mile lake in search of a mythical creature.
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When asked how NASA could help, she explained: “Experts from NASA might have some advanced imaging technology to scan the loch. We would have to sit down and talk to them about how to get it here.”
They hope that the space agency, and other experts, can help them in their latest search, which goes down on the 90th anniversary of the first-ever organized surface watch of Loch Ness.
I have to imagine NASA has more important things to spend their time on. Although, to be fair, I actually have no clue what NASA is up to nowadays. They clearly don't care about going to the moon anymore. They haven't even bothered to fake a landing in over half a century. But they must be doing things, right? I'm sure our government wouldn't funnel trillions of dollars into a program unless they were doing extremely important and necessary work.
But the more I think about it, the Loch Ness Monster community needs to be careful with their NASA request. The fun thing about mythical creature hunting is the hunt itself. It's the idea that there might be something out there. It's finding new little nuggets every now and then that inspire hope. It's about getting together with the boys, drinking a pint of whisky, and heading out on your boat where you attempt to lure Nessie out of the water with the sound of bagpipes. It's more about comradery than anything. So what if NASA actually says yes to this? What if NASA cones back and says, "Ok, sure. We can easily scan the entire lake and let you know with 100% certainty whether or not Nessie is down there."
Say NASA scans the entire lake and comes back with hard, indisputable evidence that there is in fact NOTHING down there... then the Loch Ness Monster people realize that their whole life has been a waste a time. I don't think they want to know for certain if the monster is down there. I know they think they do, but I promise they don't. That would be humiliating. You don't want NASA to rain on your parade. You just gotta keep standing on the rocks with your high powered binoculars and making trips out onto the lake so that once every few months you see a weird splash 300 yards away that inspires hope, and you get to have a cool story to tell your friends about how you think you saw the monster.
I hope for everyone's sake that NASA ignores their request. Even I like the idea that there might be something out there in the lake. I don't need NASA to tell me otherwise. Also, if NASA does say yes, then what the fuck is NASA doing? They simply must have something better to do than scan Loch Ness. They have to. I still don't know what that is, but I'm sure they have something.