PSA: Jimmy Johnson Does Not Own Jimmy John's So Stop Tweeting Him About It

Laugh out loud funny. That tweet hit me right in the funny bone. Right in my laughter g spot. Jimmy Johnson calmly saying, ” Jimmy Johns is not my restaurant” tells you that Jimmy Johnson gets tagged in Jimmy Johns tweets ALL THE TIME. He probably gets 50 tweets a day with people telling him their food wasn’t delivered freaky fast and it’s all his fault. That tweet is pure anger. Not the type of anger where you yell and scream and throw a tantrum. That’s fake anger. It’s the real type of anger. The type of anger where you’re so mad you internalize it, eventually snap and go on a killing spree. That’s what we’re dealing with with Jimmy Johnson here. Jimmy Johnson is so mad about this that I could see him acquiring Jimmy John’s just so the tweets start making sense. Jimmy Johnson hasn’t gotten a full night of sleep since Jimmy John’s and Twitter existed at the same time.

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#NoFreeAds but Jimmy John’s is delicious. I used to get it every day for lunch when I lived in Iowa. Every. Single. Day. Me and the delivery guy were borderline best friends. I don’t even know if they have it in New York City. I haven’t even checked. I feel like I’d get made fun of but it’s better than any sandwich I’ve had in this city thus far. Bar none.