How To Go To The Movies By Yourself And Not Fuck Up Big Time
The haters and losers said I wouldn’t publish a blog at 10:45 on a Friday. Today, they are silent. Feitelberg wrote an awesome blog about every solo movie goers nightmare, being in the wrong seat. Before I begin I have to say that my heart breaks for him. I felt like I was there and hearing the nasally voice of usher Barbara and the hot, smug breath of usher Hunter. BUT there is a lesson to be learned here.
That’s me, following proper etiquette at the spellbinding movie “Fifty Shades Freed” (Which Jeff D. Lowe and I saw in IMAX, not to brag)
The first lesson was already mentioned by Feits, and it’s that going to the movies alone fucking rules. You get to sit in a comfy-ass chair, eat some overpriced snacks, and 99/100 you don’t ever get accosted. Since we started LCP, I’ve gone to probably 50ish movies alone and each time I like the experience even more. It’s time to break the stigma folks!
Featured on Barstool
The second, is proper solo movie ettiquete. This piece of shit lady was clearly in the wrong here. Rule #1-100, don’t fuck with other people’s seats. Reserved seating is the most important advent in recent cinema history, and you fuck it all up if you break the rules. Would you just dump all your shit on the seat next to you on an airplane?? Probably not, motherfucker. So don’t do it in the movies. Buy the seat if you want to give your knockoff gucci bag a place to rest its pleather rump.
If you ever find yourself in Feit’s situation, I’ve found there is three options. You can tell the person to move their shit, which is terrifying. Or you can move to one of two places. You can go to the least likely place for someone to have bought a seat, which is usually the back of the side rows. Wait for the movie to start, then you have a full view of where you can sit. The other option is to just stand at the entrance until the movie starts. You look like an absolute fucking psycho, but by the time the previews end you can, just like the last option, pick the seat of your choice.
I’ve always taken option 2 or 3 because I’m a huge bitch, with a few exceptions. I went to see “Daddy’s Home 2″ alone in December and a VERY intimidating group of NYC teens were in my row, including my seat. Normally, I’d pull the kenjac special and bitch out, but this theater was PACKED. I also had mono, which I think secretly gave me superpowers because I walked right up to those teens and asked them to move. They said “Can you go sit somewhere else.” “NO!” I said, while wearing an outfit that was VERY roastable because I was deathly ill. “If I go take an empty seat, someone might come and make me move, you know what I mean fellas?” I don’t know what stopped them from just flaming me into the depths of hell and forcing me to do a Cersei shame walk out of the theater, but they relented.
My only other concern is how Feits watched this movie. He said he was originally in A2 but moved to B6.
The fuck? Unless you went to a theater brand other than [NO FREE ADS] I’m not sure what in the hell was going on here. Do you have like 20/800 vision? (I don’t know how glasses work so if that doesn’t make sense, its satire).
The point is, going to the theater is rad and everyone should do it. Just make sure you take all the proper precautions so that you can avoid all human interaction possible. Don’t forget to subscribe to Lights, Camera, Pod, follow us on Twitter, follow us on Instagram and join in on the conversation on our Reddit.