Fedora Man Is The Hero Mets Fans Need Right Now
It’s funny how heroes don’t show up until the darkest hour, when it seems all hope is lost and your soul is about to escape you body. But tonight the few Mets fans that didn’t cuncel this cursed saeson watched their savior appear on national television for the entire world to see. Some random mamaluke with a thirst for fedoras that could not be quenched taking us back to a simpler time back in 2015 when the Mets actually turned impossibly bad juju around into a World Series appearance behind this absolutely PREPOSTEROUS giveaway.
Yeah that World Series took years off of Mets fans lives because the Mets lost in 5 games despite leading roughly 95% of the series. But I’d take anything to feel that type of pain again. Instead the Mets are playing so poorly they are invoking the ghosts of Val Picinich and Patsy Gharrity.
Walter Johnson lost 14 games that season despite an ERA of 1.49. FOURTEEN LOSSES. The Senators somehow fucked The Big Train more than the Mets are fucked Jacob deGrom.
Then again, maybe the Mets catch some good juju in a bottle behind another idiot wearing a fedora and some middle infielder starting to cry because he got traded but the trade ended up falling through (not Jose Reyes though. I want that motherfucker CUT). Somehow the Mets beat what I am being told is the greatest team in the history of baseball tonight, so maybe everything has already started turning around in Queens. Put it in the motherfucking books!
Help us Fedora Man. You are our only hope*.
*We are 99.999% completely fucked, but if you can’t get behind a movement like Fedora Man, you should just stop watching sports altogether. The Kevin Plawecki Rally Dildo didn’t have enough juice in it to save the 2017 Mets. But hopefully Fedora Man has enough spunk in his system him to revive this group of stiffs. Look at this picture again.
The man simply drips sex. And hopefully good juju. Eat your heart out, Sign Guy and Cow Bell Man
P.S. Don’t forget that Caps For Sale guy got completely lampooned by a bunch of fucking monkeys stealing his hats, which is definitely something that would happen to the Wilpons.
