The GOAT Of DM Sliding
Yesterday, I came across a thread on Twitter that is one of the most impressive things I have ever seen. The original tweet, which has since been deleted, was something along the lines of, “Good morning to everyone except for Austin Garrett,” and the thread had HUNDREDS of comments. As I scrolled down the thread, I realized that Austin Garrett is a guy that has slid into nearly every single girl’s DMs on social media. And when he slides, he perseveres with a ferocity unknown to mankind. Here are a few examples.
If you get ignored twice, you are an absolute psychopath if you send another text. But sending ten more messages moves from creepy to comical, from abhorrent to admirable.
Oscillating between “Hey” and “U mad” is a veteran move. He wants to make sure that she isn’t angry, and then a couple of weeks later he will try to start a conversation with her. The actual goat.
I think this one is my personal favorite. For this scenario, you have to assume that he sent about 40 “hey”s and “what’s up”s. Then, on May 23, he got confused as to why his strategy wasn’t working and sent two consecutive question marks. However, on May 31, he realized that fortune favors the bold, and started his “hey” strategy once again. Absolute poetry on social media.
Sending pictures of himself with two large fish to make sure she knows that he knows exactly what a catch is. Love that move. However, what in the world happened to that first fish? There is more blood on that boat than I have in my entire body. Can you imagine completely lacerating a fish, taking a picture while standing in the blood of that fish, then thinking yeah, this is the picture that someone will respond to. The confidence is off the charts.
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This dude is a legend. There are hundreds of more examples of him DMing girls. Austin Garrett is Bronson Koenig on steroids. He doesn’t care what you look like; if you are a woman and have an Instagram or Facebook, he will be messaging you. A modern-day da Vinci, Garrett’s utensil of choice is his iPhone 6s. He goes through the social media of sorority girls with reckless abandon.
Austin was also rocking two different Instagram pages, making sure that he could hit up double the number of girls. Sadly, @austingarrett1 was deleted from Instagram, but @austingarrett2 is still alive and well.
The fact that the original tweet was deleted, splitting the thread, is one of the biggest tragedies of the year. If you are interested in seeing more brutal curves online to make yourself feel better about the girl from the bar not texting you back, search “livvyjackk” in the Twitter search bar, because she is who started the thread.
In the immortal words of Nick Young, “Shooters keep shooting.”