Today In Mets Injury News: Noah Syndergaard Lands On The DL With Hand, Foot, And Mouth Disease
Hilarious. Simply hilarious. Now that the saeson has officially been cuncelled and the fire sale has begun, Mets fans get to truly enjoy the warm glow of their dumpster fire of a franchise burn bright for a few weeks before fading back into bolivian for the foreseeable future. Since the Baseball Gods ran out of old fashioned injuries to hammer the Mets with, they take down their young stud pitcher with a disease that toddlers usually get. Unnnnnnbelievable. I’m currently staring at Twitter as I blog this waiting for news to drop that Jacob deGrom is going to miss his next start with the chicken pox, Brandon Nimmo has been sent home because he came down with measles, and everyone on the Mets has to take bubblegum medicine for the next 2 weeks.
We have discussed hand, foot, and mouth disease on The Podfathers multiple times, because again it’s something shitty little kids get, and it’s a bitch of a disease. If your kid has it, their life and your life sucks. Symptoms include rashes, fevers, sore throat, and feeling like absolute dog dick. Oh yeah and it’s extremely infectious too! Luckily it doesn’t spread unless you touch other people and when do baseball players touch? Well I guess the pitcher touches the baseball before every pitch when his team is in the field like when Thor pitched two nights ago. And everyone on the team high fives each other after say a win against your cross-town rival that the infected pitcher happened to start two days ago. So if Thor coming back from a two month-long trip on the DL for a finger injury only to come back for two starts and then land back on the DL after potentially exposing the entire team to an extremely contagious disease is peak Mets up there with Citi Field lighting on fire and the team batting out of order. Which both happened earlier this season by the way.
On the bright side, I guess this news gives a slight reprieve for the story of Yo Cespedes’ heel injury being completely mismanaged like every other Mets injury from this century which could lead to him missing time next season and the Wilpons getting absolutely LAMBASTED because many people believe the Familia trade was a salary dump. Keith Law dropped the ultimate ether bomb on the Wilpons yesterday.
If the New York Mets are just going to trade their most valuable major league assets for salary relief, rather than to try to improve the club, then it’s time for MLB to step in and force the Wilpons to sell the team, just as the league did with Frank McCourt and the Dodgers. Trading Jeurys Familia for two fringe-at-best prospects is not how any team, regardless of payroll level, should operate in this environment. For a franchise that operates in the largest market in the league to do this — and do so 10 days before the trade deadline rather than waiting for someone to offer a legitimate return — is embarrassing for the Mets and for Major League Baseball as a whole.
It seems that when something bad happens with the Mets, something worse happens shortly thereafter. I call it the Mets Two Step. But this recent orgy of bad news out of Flushing could lead to truly something special like when all the ghosts united in Ghostbusters and created ZUUL.
And in case all of this wasn’t enough…
CUNCEL DA FARNCHISE!!! Not even God’s favorite player can escape the wrath of the Mets mush. Mysterious hand injury? Tim Tebow is a hoss of a football player playing baseball and he falls victim to a “mysterious” injury. Unnnnnfuckingbelievable. Cal Ripken in his absolute physical prime would have hit the DL by the All-Star break if he was a Met. It’s truly mind-numbing what this franchise does to its players and its fans. When it rains, it pours in Metsland. And when it pours, all of the Mets fans feel like they are drowning while the Yankees fans zoom by on their yacht throwing fun coupons at our dead, water-logged floating bodies.
P.S. I swear to God if Hubbs chirps Syndergaard about this, I am telling KFC to bring Noah to HQ so he can spit on his hand and rub it in Hubbs’ face. Hand, foot, and mouth disease running through Barstool again like typhoid on the Oregon Trail would be completely worth it.