Jaylen Brown Is Going To Be King Of The World

Youngest lecturer in Harvard history. Youngest Celtic to drop 30 in a playoff game. A man who looks to further education across the country while also trying to figure out how to skim off the top of legal sports gambling. But what I appreciate most about Jaylen is his ability to talk shit so matter of factly. This reporter tries to bait Juice into some gotcha journalism and he calls it a “Long winded question.” When the Celtics were up 3-0 on the 76ers, he said he wasn’t taught to play with his food. People keep asking him if he’s serious about the Celtics winning the East this year, he comes back and says the Celtics are going to win it the next decade.

Which was incredibly reassuring to hear as a fan because I’ve been super worried he was going to pull a Myron Rolle and use his brain to go cure cancer rather than engage in such rudimentary acts such as playing basketball. Now we’ve got at least a verbal commitment that he’s willing to put off his world domination until at least 2028. I assume he wants to secure at least two max contracts before retiring so that he can use his money to finance his own time machine to go back and save the library of Alexandria – setting off a butterfly effect that brings humanity to nirvana for the rest of time.